"Infallible revelation?" and "Aagh! No time!"

I had Greek today. (Tuesday.) The four of us, (three students and one teacher) paused in our struggle to chat. Professor Hegedus asked us how we were finding the work load. We all groaned. He then observed that Divinity professors tend to be overbooked workaholics, and wondered what sort of example they were setting for us in regard to balance and self-care. He said that pastors have a hard time with burn-out, and mused about if the seminary was reinforcing behaviours that lead to burn-out instead of helping us learn how to balance demands and say "no."
He is a very gentle man. He was being humorous and slightly wry, not critical.
He was funny and ironic, and supportive without actually giving us blatant permission to let some of the assigned reading slide....
I'm already having to do that.
I hope I'm not heading for a spectacular crash and burn.

Now it is 11:15 pm the following night. I have spent the day attending to basic needs and family care, and doing very little homework. YIKES.

However, I'm VERY excited about some of the stuff I'm reading for school, especially in my George Dole lectures.
I also love the stuff near the end of a book called "What They Don't Tell You - A Survivor's guide to Biblical Studies," which professor Hegedus assigned. There is a section that says, "Living Tradition is Changing Tradition" and another called "When it comes to asking questions, God is a 'big boy,' God can handle it." It has quotes like: "A man I knew believed he needed to accept so-called 'creation biology' because the Bible gave him an anchor in life. . . . To people like this man, there are just two opposite ways and only these two ways to understand revelation: (1) there is an absolutely infallible---yet humanly accessible---special source of knowledge in religion, or (2) there is no source whatsoever of knowledge deserving any trust or confidence. This view is strange to me because we do not require this kind of absolute knowledge in any other area of life. For example, scientists do not claim any result of science as absolutely certain as it stands, yet our engineers apply many scientific results with confidence. . . . The choice is not between absolutely certain and reliable revelation on the one hand and no revelation on the other. There can be many degrees in between." (excerpts from pp 145-147)

Taking any revelation at face value---as the complete and bald truth without any broader meaning---is an enormous mistake. And while applying our fallible human understanding makes people nervous, for we are by definition going to make mistakes, NOT applying our understanding is abdicating our spiritual responsibility. It is the equivalent of burying our "talents" in the sand.

Putting away soap box and heading to bed.

Fun and Frustration

Today, my cell phone went off in chapel.
Right at the end, as the officiating student was sending us off, there was the happy, loud noise of bird calls. The professors and students near me all looked up into the rafters, as did I....
Oops. I clapped my hand over my hip pocket and scooted out of the chapel.

It was my daughter. I had forgotten to set my cell phone to vibrate.
Thank goodness I had chosen the bird song over the neighing horse or the "One! Two! Three! Four!" (followed by loud music), for my ring tone.
All the people were grinning as they filed quietly out of the chapel and passed me in the hall.
I was looking sheepish with my little flip-phone mashed to my ear.
Hey, I've only had it a week.

My Christian Doctrine teacher is a blast. Very self-effacing. He's always got chalk on his hands and on his back. He leans on the blackboard and leaves a clean spot.
I enjoy his teaching style.
I got my first essay back and got a 10 out of 12. Not bad! The prof didn't notice any of the things I thought were flaws. He seemed to think I did just fine. A very nice start for me after 20 years out of the saddle.

One of the second-year MDiv students called a lunch meeting to support the first years. She had struggled and felt very alone her first year and wanted to be sure that that didn't happen to us.
The second years all seem young compared to our class. Most of the first years are easily over 40. The second years appear to be all under 30. So there is some difference in how intimidated we may be of the professors. But I was really glad for the opportunity to get to know the class ahead of us a little better. There are about 4 of us and six of them(?). It's hard to keep everybody sorted out, because there are so many different programs and levels.

My Old Testament course is deeply frustrating. The content is all about who wrote the Old Testament and when and all the latest theories. Maybe I should care, but I don't. I DON"T CARE!
The discussion is about the dual versions of the stories and all the inconsistencies---mostly stuff I've heard before, and any discussion of why the Bible might be written this way seems so . . . misguided!
I know that's very ethno-centric of me, but I can't help it. I see a similar frustration in the Greek orthodox student, though his spin is different from mine.
When I opened my mouth to say that maybe the creation story was a parable describing our personal spiritual awakening, the comment dropped dead. The professor just blinked, and went on with her lecture.
I don't care whether anybody sees things how I see them except that its so lonely and frustrating to have my view be SO different. I don't think my view is the truest and rightest, but it IS my view, and to have nobody in the class "get it" leaves me wanting to chew my leg off. The lectures drive me nuts. I am bursting to speak, but my remarks mostly go over like I spoke in swahili. Very frustrating.

However, one classmate who is in Greek with me, has heard my "Well, I was taught that there is a universal duality in nature that comes from God. It shows up as a sort of male/female split, like the right-brain, emotive, fluid, love-oriented, non-linear side of us, and the left-brain, intellectual, compartmentalizing, truth-oriented, linear side of us. The Bible is written to reflect and answer these apects of our dual nature, so "bread" and "wine" are reflecting the good and the truth, and the different accounts of creation are doing the same thing...."

Today, in Old Testament, SHE pointed out this possibility.... It was great. It is so cool when somebody else considers these things that I have believed for so long. It seems so self evident to me. Yet it isn't in this class. I was writhing in agony as the OT professor was saying, "I have no idea why the Bible has so many contradictions and inconsistencies. Who could possibly know why the people are said to have lived for so many hundreds of years? I believe it is symbolic rather than literal but . . . ."

Aaagh.....

This professor is notorious for getting off track and not covering the material, so I'm loathe to interupt in order to give my opinion. It's not my class. I'm not the teacher.
"I'm not the teacher. I'm not the teacher. I'm not the teacher."
As I'm stuffing my head into my backpack to muffle the sound of my head banging....

Good night.

Sexual Abuse in the Ministerial Relationship

Clergy Misconduct: Sexual Abuse in the Ministerial Relationship.

---that was the name of an all day seminar which I attended yesterday. It is required by the seminary, and it is free. These seminars are run by the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, out of Seattle, Washington. www.cpsdv.org

It was powerful and useful and enlightening.
There was a lot of confrontational material.
I cried during some of it.
I kept wondering how many seminaries require this. I kept wondering if the General Church theological school does. (My religious heritage. They do not ordain women.)

They listed all the effects and outcomes of abuse on all the different parties and groups involved. They showed a continuum of abuse on a sliding scale from "wanderers" to "predators."

They listed the traits that are typical of sexual abusers in the ministry.
They are:

1. controlling or dominating personality
2. limited self-awareness
3. limited or no awareness of boundary issues
4. no sense of damage caused by own behaviour
5. poor judgment
6. limited impulse control
7. limited understanding of consequences of their actions
8. often charismatic, sensitive, talented, inspirational and effective in ministry
9. limited or no awareness of own power
10. lack of recognition of own sexual feelings
11. confusion of sex and affection

Then they listed behaviours common to all abusers which are:

1. may seek out vulnerable people
2. attract vulnerable people
3. are secretive
4. are manipulative
5. will minimize, rationalize, deny, and blame

They said that Sexual abuse is about Power.

It is NEVER okay.

It is ALWAYS the responsibility of the perpetrator.

It is NEVER simple.

They talked about what to do WHEN, not IF we feel attraction to a parishioner. I was really impressed.

There was so much more. I was filled up, and frustrated to have so little time to assimilate all the information.

But I am SO grateful that there are people studying this and getting the word out.

********************************************

I have nowhere near enough time for all the required reading for my courses. I am really liking the feeling in the seminary. Despite some (profound) ideological differences, we are kindred spirits. The humour and energy is very familiar.

I'm enjoying my professor of Greek and New Testament. He seems as if he'll be the easiest to talk to about my Swedenborgian world view. It is nice to have someone who will let me chatter on about how I see things, and who acts genuinely interested.

I puzzle about personal energy and chemistry. I have been musing on why I feel uncomfortable with my OT professor. It's like a prejudice on my part. I assume she is not interested in what I have to say. I don't know why.

The same is true in my Christian Doctrine class.

The Christian Doctrine reading is driving me nuts. Pages and pages of stuff that is culturally interesting but not ideologically interesting or enlightening, due to my deep intrenchment in the Swedenborgian view of theology. I struggle every class to sit still and not take up too much class time with my thoughts and observations. ("Oh, Marilla. If only you knew how much there is I think of to say and don't!") Again, my NT and Greek professor is very encouraging and interested in what I have to say, so I say more in those classes. But the Christian Doctrine class is primarily LUTHERAN Christian doctrine, written as if it is the only Christian spin. I guess that is to be expected---it is a LUTHERAN seminary after all.

On the other hand, there are lots of generals about the Lutherans that feel very familiar---the rich musical culture in worship. Lots of singing---even chanting and antiphons!

They also stress the importance of baptism and the Holy supper---I've been offered Eucharist 4 times since starting seminary---the oneness of God in the form of Jesus Christ, and the importance of scripture. They also seem to be doing a terrific job of updating their ritual to meet the needs of the culture without sacrificing their doctrinal integrity.

But their doctrinal integrity isn't harnessed to the past and the rituals from the past. They seem to keep the antiphons and chants because they love them and do them well, not because "they have always done them."

I am LOVING my class with George Dole. When it starts, I feel like I can finally breathe. These people know what I'm talking about! The Swedenborgian context is a given. What a difference it makes.

It's all so interesting. So much to observe and ponder. SO much more to say.

instead, back to my homework!