Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Deracinated

I do love CBC radio. Yesterday's show called "Q" gave me a great new word.
Deracinated.
Many people in a lifetime are deracinated.
I certainly have been deracinated.
Have YOU been deracinated?

Friday, September 19, 2008

All the words spoken at Mom's service

The music was absolutely beautiful.
The talk and readings speak for themselves.

RESURRECTION SERVICE FOR BARBARA SMITH
by Rev. Robert S. Junge
Sept. 16, 2008

Readings

How amiable are Thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts! My soul longeth, yea even fainteth for the courts of the Lord: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God. Yea the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself where she may lay her young, even thine altars, O Lord of hosts, My King and my God. Blessed are they that dwell in Thy house; they will be still praising thee. Selah. ( Psalm 84:1-4)

The life of a man after death is the life of his love, and the life of his faith, consequently such as has been his love and such as has been his faith, during life in the world, such his life remains forever. (AC 10596)

It is impossible to enumerate the employments in the heavens…In the heavens as on the earth there are many forms of service …Each one has his particular charge … But however many there may be that are so employed, they are all in the delight of their work and labor from a love of use, and no one from a love of self or of gain. (HH 387, 388, 392, 393)

Those that are in heaven are continually advancing towards the spring of life, with a greater advance towards a more joyful and happy spring the more thousands of years they live; and this to eternity, with increase according to the growth and degree of their love, charity, and faith. Women who have died old and worn out with age, if they have lived in faith in the Lord, in charity to the neighbor, and in happy marriage love with a husband, advance with the succession of years more and more into the flower of youth and early womanhood, and into a beauty that transcends every conception of any such beauty as is seen on the earth. (HH 414)

O sing unto the Lord a new song: sing unto the Lord, all the earth. Sing unto the Lord, bless His name; shew forth His salvation from day to day. (Psalm 96:1-2)

Gladness of heart is especially expressed by a song, because in a song gladness breaks forth as it were of itself into sound. … The angels also who were with the men were at the same time in the glorification of the Lord, consequently they who sang and they who heard the songs, had heavenly gladness from the holy and blessed influx which flowed in from heaven, in which they seemed to themselves to be as it were taken up into heaven. Such an effect had the songs of the church among the ancients. Such an effect also they would have at this day; for the spiritual angels are especially affected by songs which are about the Lord, His kingdom, and the church. That the songs of the church had this effect, was not only because by them gladness of heart became active…but also because there is a glorification of the Lord in the heavens by means of choirs, and thus by the harmonious music of many… (AC 8261)

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord He is God: it is He that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise; be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations. (Psalm 100)

As heaven is from the human race, and angels therefore are of both sexes, and from creation woman is for man and man is for woman, thus the one belongs to the other, and this love is innate in both, it follows that there are marriages in heaven as well as on the earth. (HH 366)

What man who has loved his wife, and his infants and children, does not say within himself when they are dying, or have died, if he is elevated above the sensual things of the body, that they are in God’s hand, and he will see them again after his own death, and will be conjoined with them again in a life of love and joy? (CL 28)

And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. And both Jesus was called and His disciples to the marriage. And when the wine was lacking, the mother of Jesus says to Him, They have no wine. Jesus says to her, What is it to Me and to thee, woman? My hour is not yet come. His mother says to those ministering, Whatever He shall say to you, do. And there were set there six water-pots of stone, after the manner of the purification of the Jews, containing two or three measures apiece. Jesus says to them, Fill the water-pots with water. And they filled them up to the top. And He says to them, Draw out now, and bring to the chief of the feast, and they bore it. And when the chief of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was (but those ministering who drew the water knew), the chief of the feast calls the bridegroom, and says to him, Every man first sets forth good wine, and when they are drunken, then the lesser; but thou has kept the good wine until now. This beginning of signs did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory, and His disciples believed in Him.

O sing unto the Lord a new song; for He hath done marvelous things… Make a joyful noise unto the Lord all the earth (Psalm 98:1. 4)

* * * * * * *

We come together to commemorate the life of our dear friend Barbara Smith. The memory of all the people that she loved and the things she stood for in this world helps us to raise our affection and thought to who she is and the uses she is taking up as she enters eternal life. Yet the more we learn to think spiritually the more our commemoration becomes rather a celebration of the Lord and the tender care of His Providence. He has been with her from birth, developing her thoughts and affections each step of the way. And He will continue to be with her, as He will continue to be with us. He will always be there to support our love for her and her reciprocating love for us.
To see some of the reasons for celebration we turn to the familiar story of the Lord’s first miracle in this world. Even as the disciples and the mother of Jesus gathered at that marriage long ago in Cana, so we gather as a church and we pray that as Jesus was with them He will be with us.
All of us pass through times when we feel drained spiritually. We feel empty. The wine of spiritual understanding has run out. And so we read, “The mother of Jesus says to Him, They have no wine.” But what is needed is not belief in the limited human taken from Mary, which the Lord put off, but rather faith in the Human, which the Lord put on from the Divine. The Soul of that Divine Human is Love itself. (Lord 35:4) That is the very love we need to sustain us today. Not merely human thought and feeling, not focusing on ourselves, but looking to the Lord and the Divine purpose of HIS love – a heaven from the human race.
The Lord calls Mary “woman,” to bring this distinction home. When we feel drained we need to put our confidence in the Lord Himself, in His Divine power to help, and particularly in His infinite love. “(The peace we seek) has in it confidence in the Lord, that He directs all things, and provides all things, and that He leads to a good end. When a man is in this faith, he is in peace, for he then fears nothing, and no solicitude about things to come disquiets him. A man comes into this state in proportion as he comes into love to the Lord.” (AC 8455)
But Mary does not seem to understand. Such confidence does not come in a moment. It seems far from us. Filling the void takes obedience and service. Mary responds as we must learn to, “Whatever He shall say to you, do.” As individuals and collectively as a Church, we know states of summer and states of winter, states of emptiness and rich states of fullness. But in the church or in its individual members only loyal obedience to the truth of the Word can open the way for love to flow in and rekindle our hearts.
Barbara loves her family, her 5 children, her 19 grandchildren, and 13 great grandchildren. In reaching out to her family and friends in states high and low Barbara’s answer seems to have been like Mary’s, “Whatever the Lord says to us in His Word, we must do.” We must recognize the voice of our Shepherd so that He can lead and provide but His leading comes from and supports love like the love Barbara feels for her husband, her family, and her friends. And love being reciprocal shares AND accepts. It gives and receives. As a parent Barbara learned that to teach effectively one must also listen effectively. True confidence can only come to us as a communion of friends or as individuals when together we learn to say of the Word, “It is so.”
Such allegiance to the truth may at times come across as zeal, particularly to those who do not see the issues clearly. It may seem at times tenacious, blunt, or abrupt. But such loyal obedience is an essential foundation for spiritual understanding. When we give our free consent to be lead by the Lord, miracles can and will follow.
Internal friendships grow up where there is that common allegiance to the Lord and an eager desire to learn the teachings of His Word and to live by them. It is often noted at reunions that such friendships seem to just pick up where they left off. The truth is that they have been sustained by common loves and beliefs that are beyond time and space. There are many such friends in the other world ready and eager to welcome Barbara. The sphere of that reunion will dwarf those we know here, for the internal bonds of support and love will be even more manifest.
But such reunions depend upon more than simple obedience. Through such things as regular reading of the Word and family worship our memories like the water pots in the story may become filled with knowledges even to the top. We may not see how to apply much of what we have learned. But we know that in going regularly to the Word we are doing what the Lord has told us to do.
Later the time comes when we draw out one serving at a time. For the sake of serving others -- for the sake of use! When we draw out that knowledge little by little, and share it in life, it becomes spiritually true with us. We see its lasting value. The Lord in His wisdom has not set forth the good wine first, but rather saved it until we have learned to serve and cooperate with Him. Then the truth can be appropriated to us for our use both here and in heaven. It is appropriated because we have cultivated a deep affection for it.
Musical art expresses affection (HH 241:e). As an expression of affection in its own way music mirrors the expression of affection we seek in life. When confronted with a new piece of music we put our confidence in it and in effect say to ourselves, whatever this score says we will do it. We put our confidence in the integrity of the composer, even as in life we put our confidence in the Lord. In the beginning we pay close attention to just what the notes say; we simply obey them. But if we really enter into the composer’s love, and really try to draw out what he has in mind, the music becomes an expression of love. We even say that the music plays us. When it does, it enables us to communicate affection to our neighbor in a special way.
Barbara loved to share her gift of a beautiful voice with others. She treated it as a gift from the Lord, and used the music she loved to communicate affection for Him. Many of us recall the inspiration of her voice in regular worship, on occasions such as this, or at marriages. She particularly loved those songs where the affectional tones of the music were married to the Divine wording of the Scriptures. Her singing was not a performance but a gift from the heart. Though the time came when she could no longer sing, her love of music never waned. That love, as all her loves, is still with her. We can imagine her giving voice to it again, where all make a joyful noise unto the Lord, and serve Him with gladness.
But not all music is religious. Sometimes Barbara lent her voice to express humor in musicals or plays. We can take ourselves too seriously. We need the re-creative balance that humor provides. Humor and entertainment have their place in heaven, restoring the mind and heart for a return to active service to the neighbor. And Barbara is taking a good sense of humor with her to the other world.
The pattern in music is the human pattern of growth. It involves step-by-step learning to express and share love with others. There is a similar pattern in marriage for true marriage love grows together with religion. When we do whatever the Lord says, and we draw out and apply whatever we see clearly in His Word, then He can provide even to such as us, states of innocence and peace. And we can walk confidently with our partners feeling an inmost friendship, which cannot even be compared to other friendships. But married partners also need to be able to laugh together. For example, they need to see the humor in their children’s behavior even as they try to touch their hearts with thought and trust in the Lord.
But growing marriages also know times when the relationship is spiritually drained. Such times can, if we let them, stimulate us to recognize our need for the Lord. Very early we need to learn to bring the Lord into our marriages – not our limited human notions of how we would like Him to be, not a Mary human, but the Lord Jesus Christ, in His Divine Humanity. We may not see Him clearly, but we must see enough to inspire the confidence that says, “Whatever He says, we will do it in our marriage.”
It is touching for us to learn that Barbara’s last word in this world was, “Marlyn.” It reminds us that when two people really love each other, it is only the appearance that one has gone before the other. We read, “The two are still not separated, after the death of the one, since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with the spirit of the one not yet deceased, and this even until the death of the other, when they meet again, and reunite themselves, and love each other more tenderly than before because in a spiritual world.” (CL 321) This is what the Lord says to us, and with reflection this tells us what to do when one partner is called before the other. It is really a call to keep on trying to do what they have been trying to do all along. We are taught that weeping means the last farewell as when we weep at the death of one we love, even though we know that they are still alive in the other world (see AC 4565).
When one partner sheds their natural body like a glove it can, for a time leave the other partner feeling spiritually drained, empty, alone and even useless. But the answer to that feeling is the same as it has always been when their partner was here: Look to the Lord TOGETHER. There is every reason to keep on trying to respond to Mary’s words and do whatever the Lord says. And there is every reason to keep on filling our memories with regular reading from His Word. We read, “When a man who has heavenly love reads the Word, he is through it conjoined with heaven, and through heaven with the Lord, whereby he has enlightenment and instruction.” (AC 9382:3) Reading the Word and applying it brings the presence of the angels and we believe the presence of the special one he loves. There is every reason to draw out from the storage pots of our memories whatever we see clearly and apply it to serve others. That will lead to enlightenment and instruction.
Similarly “if a man prays from love and faith… there then comes forth in the prayer something like a revelation which is manifested in the affection of him that prays, as to hope, consolation, or a certain inward joy.” (AC 2535) Manifest in affection! Which comes from his association with those in the other world. Such a person will discover that he is not really empty, alone, or useless.
Every detail of human life is under the loving care of the Lord and can be turned to good. The Lord has permitted or provided a state where the spirits of two who love each other dwell together even though physically separated by death. Despite the appearance of separation, in the eyes of Providence that state is to be constructive and turned to lasting use. We read, “When married partners tenderly love each other they have the eternal in their thoughts respecting the covenant, and nothing at all of its end by death; and if they think of this they grieve, and yet in thought are comforted with the hope of its continuance after death.” (CL 216) For those who love each other there is one continuous path of life, and the Lord will show it to them and strengthen them in it every step of the way.
The Lord has a miracle in store for those who become faithful servants – a miracle like that long ago in Cana. The good wine saved until the last, will never diminish. As their understanding and love for the Lord grows together, the miracle of eternal life will become a reality for them. And in harmony together they will sing a new song in the Lord’s name.

Mommy....


Barbara Alice Merrell Smith
Sept 12, 1932 - Sept 13, 2008
I'll miss you, Mom.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

It's my mommy, and I'll cry if I want to....

Wow. That was fast. For most of her life, when mom got an idea into her head, she was off like a jack-rabbit to act on it. It was part of the difficulty as she grew less and less able---she forgot to take things slowly. Then she'd fall. It was her last big fall that did it. She just couldn't bounce back from that one.

I don't know how much mom realized she was leaving. But she sure went quickly, when the time came! I had begun to pack to go see her when the call came. Dad and the two oldest siblings were with her. One moment she was there; the next, she was not.

So, we cry.

Grieving is such a personal thing. I don't think our culture is very comfortable with it. I've gotten a few, "Don't cry. She's happy now," messages, which puzzle me.

Crying is a normal, healthy response to loss. It just comes when it comes. And when it is done, it stops, and I get on with what I was doing.

"Don't cry," seems like such a strange thing to say. I find, "Awww. Yeah. Let it out..." much more helpful.

Don't remind me that she's happy now and free of pain. I know that. That very good thing doesn't cancel out or negate the loss. Both are true. I alternate between tremendous relief knowing that she is free, and big sobs of the shock of it all. no matter how much we wanted her free of pain, it means she is gone. Period.

My mommy is gone. There. Then not there. Poof. Just like that. It is a shock.

So I'll cry if I want to.


"Love and Gratitude"
by Shirley Holzer Jeffrey

The agony is so great...
And yet I will stand it.
Had I not loved so very much,
I would not have hurt so much.
But goodness knows I would not
Want to diminish that precious love
By one fraction of an ounce.
I will hurt.
And I will be grateful to the hurt,
For it bears witness to
The depth of our meaning
And for that, I will be
Eternally grateful.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

“Why Is My Pain Unceasing?” - Dealing With Despair

I preached this sermon, thinking it was not one of my better ones.
Afterwards, several people told me it was just what they needed to hear and very good. Who knew? God was doing some good work despite me.

So, as many folks I know and love are going throught some pretty rough stuff, I will post this.
I dedicate it to my mom, who is in the process of leaving this world.


“Why Is My Pain Unceasing?” - Dealing With Despair
Jeremiah 15:15–21, Matthew 16:21–28
By Alison Longstaff
St. James Lutheran Church, New Dundee, Ontario
Sunday, August 31, 2008



One nice thing about pain is that it feels so good when it stops.

The reason my pain is unceasing is that I recently started Ashtanga yoga, and I can barely move. But that is not why we are here today.

In our Scripture readings, we heard a lot about suffering. We heard a pain-filled cry to God to end the suffering in Jeremiah. In the gospel reading, Jesus is warning the disciples about the terrible suffering he will endure. Peter objects, and Jesus shouts at Peter, “Get behind me, you Satan!” in a shocking, very un-Jesus like moment. He says, “You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.”

Peter was the voice of the tempter when he declared that such suffering and death should never happen to Jesus. Jesus knew it was imperative to focus on the spiritual work about to be accomplished and not on the suffering. He had to focus on His Divine mission and not be distracted. Perhaps Peter was the voice of the demon attacking Jesus, trying to convince Jesus to opt out of the suffering. This would explain the intensity of the rebuke.

Jesus had to keep his eyes set on the Divine to accomplish his mission.

Life on this earth includes suffering. Even here in North America, with our health-care and insurance policies, relative wealth and myriad safety measures, we can’t seem to escape suffering. We often think we shouldn’t have to suffer. We keep creating more ways to protect ourselves, as if constant comfort and total security were the answer to all our problems.
So why are we still so restless and unhappy?

Some of the countries that rank highest for overall national happiness are places like Nigeria and Bhutan. What’s that about? Nigeria suffers from extreme poverty, and many people live in mud huts. How can they possibly be happier than us? Well, it seems they have a deep reliance on God. They are a very Christian country, and they live their faith in every way they can. They are desperately poor, yet they sing and pray and share the little they have with each other, and they are happy.

Toronto journalist Jonathan Power interviewed Olusegun Obasanjo, a Nigerian who became a Christian and a preacher after being unjustly imprisoned. In his three years of captivity, Obusanjo became a sort of chaplain to his fellow prisoners. He says, “The time I had real joy in my life was when I was in prison. I felt then that there was just God and me, and my fellow prisoners whom I must try and help." Extreme hardship robs us of everything- but God. Perhaps this is why some of the most loving and deeply spiritual people are also people who have suffered great hardship.

In the midst of the deepest suffering God becomes all we have left, and this breaks ground for a deep and rich faith to grow. I’m not saying we should all chuck our current lives and go live in a third-world country so as to really suffer so we can experience God. Suffering finds us, no matter where we live. I am saying that it is good to remember that suffering can be our greatest teacher. God wouldn’t allow anything to happen if it didn’t serve some purpose for good. So even the painful times in life---perhaps especially the painful times---are carefully overseen by God to deepen us and eventually bring us joy.

My one objection to books and philosophies like The Secret and A Complaint-Free World is the way they can promote the idea that we are solely responsible for what happens to us in our lives. The idea is that if we cultivate a good attitude, we invite good things into our lives, and that we invite misfortune by having a bad attitude. The logical conclusion to this is that if we just work hard enough to have a great attitude, nothing bad will happen to us. But if it were true, those Indonesians must have had one bad attitude to invite that tsunami onto them. Every victim of every tragedy could be blamed for their misfortune. I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.

No, such a philosophy falls too easily into a judgmentalism toward the suffering. “It must be their fault. If only they were positive like me, they’d be okay.” This is a lie. It demonstrates a strong reliance on one’s own efforts for “salvation,” and no reliance on God.

My mom has been in chronic physical pain for over twenty-three years. She has fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis, which means “everything hurts.” And she has depression. (Well, duh. Poor thing. Who wouldn’t?) She’s on all sorts of medicines, which have their own strange side-effects and cause other problems. I don’t know how she manages. I can’t hack chronic pain for even a day. I get grumpy and whiney and can be very impatient when waiting for my next dose of pain reliever. But twenty-three years?! Did I mention that she also gets regular migraines? She has tried every treatment in the world, from steroids to vitamins to acupuncture to moose meat, and nothing helps.

I love her. I don’t want her to suffer. Sometimes I get really impatient with her. (Surely she’s doing something wrong!) I judge her for not trying hard enough or not trying the right things long enough. My judging comes from how hard it is to see her in pain. But my judging her never helps. My impatience never helps. Again and again, the best and only thing I can do for her is to love her to bits, and spend time with her, and believe with my whole heart that God has a plan. Period.

Have you ever heard someone say, in the midst of some awful situation, “I suppose God has a lesson for me,” as if he or she could stop the suffering, if they could just figure out what the lesson was and learn it? But I don’t think God works this way. I don’t think God ever sends suffering. I think God allows it sometimes, only when He can bring some long term good out of it for everyone involved.

Has my mom been suffering for twenty-three years because there is some lesson she is refusing to learn? I can’t believe that. She’s doing the best she can. She just got dealt a rotten hand. She didn’t invite this onto herself any more than my classmate’s two-year-old son invited death from liver cancer onto himself. Terrible stuff just happens.

Yes, a positive attitude can greatly improve certain aspects of our lives, and can spin off some nice side effects. Optimism and hope are our wings, and when we have them, they lift us up and over a multitude of life’s hurdles. But sometimes, through no fault of our own, our wings get plucked or broken. Sometimes a hoard of locusts swoops down on that rich and thick harvest of positive thinking and in a heart-beat, strips it to dead stalks. Sometimes we are left walking or crawling down life’s dusty road, not flying, experiencing every bump and ditch and thorn and mud puddle. “The rain falls on the just and on the unjust,” says God in the Gospels. Or, to quote contemporary wisdom, “Shit happens.”

So we must set our minds on divine things, and not on human things.

There is so much in this life over which we have no control. There are all sorts of forces at work around us, and we are far less powerful than we think. Our thoughts are not God’s thoughts. We want a happy, comfy life now. God wants us to have a happy, comfy life for eternity.

We are part of a great tapestry. Stuff that looks bad to our eyes now, is allowed to happen because God sees a bigger picture. But don’t forget, God isn’t some cold, distant artist. When we suffer, God suffers along with us. He knows what it is like to be a mortal. He was one, in Jesus. Jesus suffered to bring a much better outcome for everyone down the road. But, just the way the disciples couldn’t see why Jesus allowed Himself to suffer, we often can’t see why we or our loved ones are allowed to suffer. We can’t see God’s plan, but it is there.

Shit happens, and not all the positive thinking in the world save us from it. No one is that powerful, no matter what we’d like to think. All twelve steppers can tell you that powerlessness is the first and most important thing to learn. We have to embrace and face life on life’s terms, not ours. Facing our powerlessness throws us finally and completely into God’s arms.

“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?” Set your mind on divine things, and not on human things. Spiritual growth, personal growth involve finding our relationship with suffering, not avoiding it. Why else would God invite us to take up the cross to follow Him? Jesus fought through temptation after temptation on his journey to the cross. He showed us the way. He showed us that it will come out all right, no matter how hopeless it looks.

God loves us desperately. He doesn’t want us to suffer. But sometimes the most loving thing He can do for us is to let us have our experiences, good and bad. Eliminating the struggle for us eliminates the joy and triumph we will feel when we finally arrive at the finish line. Suffering draws out good qualities in us like endurance, stamina, and patience. It frequently teaches us compassion and opens us up to the Holy Spirit. It is like spiritual roto-tilling, breaking up old and set things about us, turning us upside down and making room for new and wonderful things to flow in.

Suffering helps us more fully appreciate the truly good things in life. It also teaches us how precious are the times of peace and good fortune. We don’t take them so much for granted. Suffering deepens us, whether we like it or not. And it reminds us who’s really in charge of the universe, and that it’s not us. It teaches us to trust in God; and to set our sights on divine goals and not on human ones.

For those of you who are in the midst of suffering, take heart. Every single thing in life is in God’s hands. Not one hair of your head falls without notice. No matter how long the night may seem, the morning always brings new hope.

"Why is my pain unceasing,
my wound incurable,
refusing to be healed?

…They shall not prevail over you,
for I am with you
to save you and deliver you,
says the LORD.
I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked,
and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless." (Jer. 18,21)

Amen

Nigeria: Happiest Nation on Earth?
by Jonathan Power, Published on Monday, December 29, 2003 by the Toronto Star