The Wounded Inner Child and Experiencing Our Vulnerability

I have been sad lately.  I have felt curled up inside and afraid, like a lost child.  This is a recurrent place that I visit.

When I am strong and confident and coming from love, I cannot remember why I ever would feel this small and lost.

But now that this pall of sadness and fear is visiting, I cannot remember how I ever felt strong and confident.  That place of strength isn't currently accessible.

So I have been doing what I can do while I am here, which is to observe the feelings, and be compassionate with myself (which is easier said than done!), and to practice meditation, and to see if I can allow myself to play.

A wise mentor recently said that this inner child, which is currently in fetal position, is not my true self.  It is one face of my experience, but not THE TRUTH about me.

That was tremendously helpful.

It reminds me that I am more than my wounds.  It reminds me that I am also strong and gifted and loved.  It reminds me that the sun is shining behind the clouds.

Why do I write this?  Why am I so vulnerable in a public space, where I might invite doubt in my capabilities, or censure for struggling, or condemnation for being "weak?"

I put this out there because I believe I am not alone.

I put this out there because I believe these sorts of inner dynamics are all too common, and a friendly hand, or a kind voice, or a helpful sign-post can make all the difference when one is lost in a fog and feeling alone.

I am not the only one on this journey who sometimes feels like I am three years old and on my own---who forgets that I also have an inner adult who is loving and wise and strong, even if temporarily out of sight.

And you who walk beside me in vulnerability and honesty are my true companions, not the voices who are

judging.

I judge other's "weakness" as a defense against feeling my own vulnerability.  I would rather just be honest about feeling sad and lost, than judge others as a way of defending myself against feeling this way.

And honestly, the deepest strength belongs to those who can admit their own vulnerability.  Well, that's the story I am clinging to today.

For deeply insightful explorations of shame and vulnerability, I recommend anything by Brene Brown.

Go courageously into this day, even if all that looks like today is breathing and stopping negative self-talk.  You are lovable and loved!

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

http://www.onbeing.org/program/brene-brown-on-vulnerability/4928