Spiritual Boundaries - a sermon

“Spiritual Boundaries”

Rev. Alison Longstaff, Nov 16^th, 2014

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Deuteronomy 19:14; John 10: 7-10; HS 3727

The doorbell rings.  Perhaps you are washing dishes, or in your pajamas, or heaven forbid, in the “loo”, but you scramble to be presentable and scurry to answer the door.

And there stands a collection of sincere folks intent on saving your soul.  Perhaps they are Jehovah’s witnesses, perhaps they are Mormon, but the scenario is pretty much the same.  They are probably nice people.  They are very sincere.  But they are there to convert you.  The underlying message is that your beliefs are wrong, their beliefs are right, and you should listen to them.  

What is your reaction? 

  

Annoyance, discomfort, avoidance—these are common reactions to the approach of religious recruiters. There is a reason for that. Just the same way that we place boundaries around what is ours in the physical world, God has set spiritual boundaries around what is “ours” spiritually.  We cannot see when our spiritual boundaries are being crossed, but we certainly can feel it.  Religious recruiters are always attempting to cross our spiritual boundaries.

Spiritual beliefs are deeply personal, and root deeply down into our emotions.  To mess with another’s spiritual beliefs is to step into that other’s inner space and start redecorating according to our tastes without their consent.  However, since most of us come from a long-standing cultural habit of “my religion trumps yours” thinking and behaving, we have stopped seeing how disrespectful this can be.  Is it any wonder that so many today are “spiritual but not religious?”  Is it really my job as a religious person to fix everybody else? 

Raise your hand if you have felt the discomfort when friends or family have commented negatively on or tried to change your spirituality. So, you know how unpleasant that feels.  But somewhere in our development as a culture, we have overlooked that inner warning—that spiritual “no trespassing” sign, and decided it was our right and duty to go about correcting everybody else’s spirituality when it is not like ours.

Yet telling someone else that their beliefs are wrong and should be more like ours is moving their spiritual boundary-marker.  It is claiming their spiritual territory as something we have a right to manage. 

From ancient times, stone markers have been used to designate important places.  They mark a spot.  Whether they are large stones, or a pile of stones, we can find them throughout the world. They are called monoliths, standing stones, pillars, cenotaphs, boundary markers, pyramids, cairns, and many other things.  They are humanity’s attempt to say, “Here.  Right here.  This is the spot.” 

Stone has a permanence that wood will never have.  We speak of things being “set in stone” to indicate their immovability or permanence. Wood rots, planted trees die and fall down, even rivers change their beds.  But stones have a way of staying put unless moved by human agency.   

In Swedenborgian spirituality, stones represent facts.  One might even say “hard” facts.  The old translations say stones symbolize “truth,” but as Swedenborg also says that clothing, wine, water, light, silver, and many other things symbolize truth, then it must be the qualities and characteristics of these different elements that tell us what kind of truth we are talking about.  Stones are very, well, concrete.  They are not fluid, flexible, or easy to move around.   And so stones represent the most concrete truths.  They are the anchoring, foundational facts of life, like gravity; like the human need for water and shelter and food; like our spiritual needs for love, belonging, and meaning.  This implies that the boundaries God created around our souls deserve such markers.  We have spiritual “no trespassing signs” marked around our inner worlds.  They draw the line between what is “mine” and not mine, “yours,” and not yours.

In that light, let us re-read our law from Deuteronomy: “You shall not remove your neighbor’s landmark, which the men of old have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land that the Lord your God is giving you to possess.” (NKJV)

or in an alternate translation: “When you arrive in the land the LORD your God is giving you as your special possession, you must never steal anyone's land by moving the boundary markers which your ancestors set up to mark their property.” (New Living Translation)

This law is about how to live in happy, healthy spiritual relationship with other spiritual beings.  There would have been no need to state this prohibition if moving boundary markers wasn't a big problem.  Laws are created in response to a problem.  Stealing land by moving another’s boundary marker was definitely a problem with this people, or this law would not be here.  And according to a Swedenborgian understanding of the Bible, stealing spiritual land by moving other people’s spiritual boundary markers is an ongoing problem with humankind or this law would not be in our sacred Scriptures either. 

We cross each other’s spiritual boundaries when we presume we know what is best for another person’s spiritual life.  We are “picking up their boundary markers and moving them” when we treat anything that is their rightful spiritual territory as our own.  Some of these intellectual and conversational boundary violations are so common in our culture that we all pretty much accept them as normal.  We hardly blink until it happens to us.  And then, when it happens to us, we will know we are upset, but we may not understand why.  Our boundaries are being crossed, that’s why.

The truth is, good fences help make good neighbors spiritually as well as naturally.

So where exactly are these spiritual boundaries?  Spiritual boundaries surround our inner sense of self.  They are the edges of the domain that is “us.” Swedenborgian minister and practicing psychologist, Mark Carlson, has been observing and teaching about spiritual boundaries for many years, and the lives and relationships of his clients have been transforming as a result.  

So buckle your seat-belts.  Some of this information will be new to you. And, if you are like most people, you may learn that you have several boundary-crossing habits you didn't know about.  Welcome to the club. 

Also realize that these rules are outlining a spiritual dynamic that is nuanced and many-layered.  They may sound simplistic.  Remember that the realm of spirit is fluid and these rules do have exceptions. 

Don’t assume you know what is going on inside someone else.

Raise your hand if you have a memory of someone accusing you of feeling, thinking, or intending something you never felt, thought, or intended. They were sure they were right and would not believe your protestations.  How did it feel?  How easy was it to convince them of your own inner experience?  That is a form of spiritual violation.  This happens to a lot of us far too often.

You see, we simply cannot know what is going on inside another person. We can speculate.  We can guess.  We might sometimes have a pretty good idea.  But to assume we know for sure and then to act or comment on that assumption is wrong.  It is a violation.  It is stealing.

Do not assume you know what is best for someone else’s beliefs or worship practices.

Even if you are sure you know what someone else should be doing spiritually, you don’t get to comment, compel, manipulate, or coerce in any way.  That is not your job.  You wouldn't like it done to you, so don’t do it to another, especially someone you love. Period.

A person’s spirituality is between that person and God.  To presume we need to step in and teach and fix it is to presume not only that we know better than that person what is good for them, but maybe even that we don’t trust God to be leading them according to what is best for them.  If God isn't worried, you needn't be either.

Do not assume you know what is best for someone else’s priorities.

Have you ever had someone looking over your shoulder, questioning how you spend your time or your money?  How did that uninvited criticism feel?  Typically it feels terrible.  It is a spiritual violation.  How an individual manages his or her personal resources is that individual’s domain and no one else’s.  Yet people cross this boundary with each other all the time.  I have seen a boss criticize an employee for getting her coffee at Starbucks.  I have seen someone who lived at the lower end of the pay-scale criticized for going on a cruise.  I have heard criticism of how much people donate to charities and which ones by those who decided they knew better how that person’s money should be spent. And I have seen this boundary crossed in my profession every time I have heard a parishioner say something like, “What does the minister do all day anyway?  What are we paying him for?” 

It is somewhat different when resources are shared, as in a business or a marriage.  But there are guidelines about how to communicate around such shared resources too that preserve clean boundaries.  In every other case, try not to judge or comment on how someone else prioritizes their spare time and money and energy.  You don’t like it done to you, so don’t do it to others.

To move someone else’s boundary is a form of stealing.  It is saying that we believe we could manage their spiritual domain better than they can.  Even if you are sure you could manage someone else’s personal life better than they do, it is not yours to manage.  Your job is your own personal inner life, mine is mine, and theirs is theirs.  End of story.  And if we are honest, there is typically plenty to keep us occupied within our own spiritual boundaries for us to bother looking over the fence at anyone else’s.

I am going to ask you to watch for spiritual boundary markers in your interactions this coming week.  Are you having an inner discomfort or even anger at what someone is saying to you?  It is possible that your spiritual boundary is getting crossed.  Or perhaps you will run into a situation where you realize your words are crossing boundaries.  Especially watch for how quickly people can step from guessing what might be going on inside another person, to believing that what they guessed is fact, to commenting upon it as if it is fact. 

If you truly want to respect spiritual boundaries, practice of the Golden Rule.  Anything that you wouldn't like someone to do it to you, don’t do it to them.

Finally I want to lift up the promise that we found in our New Testament reading today.  It reminds us that Jesus is the door of the sheepfold.  In other words, the only way to enter into spiritual relationship is with compassion, love, respect, and with trust in God.  The door is the legitimate way through a boundary.  This parable has many meanings, but one clear one is this: When we approach each other with respect and love, with compassion, and with trust in God’s ability to lead that other, then we approach with Jesus as the door. When Jesus is the door to our relationships, we will be kept back from trespassing, we will have life in our relationships, and we will have it abundantly.  Amen

The Readings

Deuteronomy 19: 14

¹⁴ “You shall not remove your neighbor’s landmark, which the men of old have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land that the Lord your God is giving you to possess.

John 10:7-10

⁷ Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. ⁸ All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. ⁹ I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Heavenly Secrets 3727.  In most ancient times people used to place a stone or pile of stones to mark where the boundaries ran which separated one person's property or inheritance from another's. These served as a sign and witness to the presence of the boundaries there. This is the reason why a ‘pillar’ or stone marker symbolizes a spiritual boundary.  They also symbolize the way heavenly order finds its most complete expression in the details of our lives. This is why pillars or stone markers were introduced into their worship, and why they erected them where they had their sacred groves and later their temples, and also anointed them with oil…. This then is why ‘pillars’ mean a holy boundary, and symbolize Divine truth as expressed in the details of life.