2024 Letter

This December, I am looking out at heavy snowfall while I listen to gentle Christmas music. I am sipping spiced eggnog coffee by Second Cup and feeling lots of joy. Sometimes the outer trappings of the world can make a big difference in how we feel, and right now, I am grateful to be feeling Christmassy.

I have another reason to be full of joy. The Church of the Good Shepherd, Swedenborgian, in Kitchener, Ontario has just installed me as their permanent pastor! It is a beautiful old church with a faithful core of members and non-members alike. The congregation is welcoming and affirming, and we fit each other well. Finally, after nine years of spotty employment, sometimes in the most basic jobs, I am employed again using my years of training and my skills. I am dusting off the advent wreath, pulling out my special nativity set and scarves in the four colours of Advent, and am back in my element creating worship for all the senses.

This will be my first Christmas apart from Sam who has chosen to go celebrate with his family in Tennessee. I got to see him for just over a week in November. As he is moving in with me by the fifteenth of January, I can wait that much longer to see him again. Pray for our ability to get him landed immigrant status in a short amount of time. Once he has that he can get medical care and find work.

Many pastors, along with many spiritual seekers, go through at least one (and sometimes several) crisis (crises) of faith. These crises can look like a scary thing to them and those around them. But the truth is that our faith is meant to mature and evolve, and sometimes this comes in the form of a crisis of faith. And if we don’t have a safe place to explore and express what is troubling us, it can be a very lonely thing to experience. And if those around us are frightened by our doubt, thinking we are “falling backward” they can go into high gear to try to talk us back into the skin we are shedding.

But growth often requires that we leave behind something that no longer fits us so as to take on new and better suited ideas, beliefs, and perspectives. We serve each other better if we hold a space for others to grow rather than to try to stuff others into a box that makes us comfortable. I have seen many friends go from true believers to agnostics to atheists, some to return to a community of faith again with a new understanding, some to stay atheist. Some of my atheist friends live lives that show a belief in being good and kind. Some of my “faith following” friends somehow still say racist things or hold exclusive beliefs. I feel more affinity with those who behave thoughtfully and kindly even if they are “atheist” than those who hold a church membership somewhere but speak cruel words and behave in cold, exclusive ways.

Swedenborg was all about the insides and underneath of things, not the outsides. The real or true aspect of a thing can be found in the underpinnings, not the surface. You can say you believe in Jesus, but scorn and hold contempt for the marginalized. The underlying sentiment is superiority, not love. You can say you are an atheist but work selflessly with your neighbours to find long-lasting solutions for those who struggle. The underlying sentiment is compassion and a sense of responsibility for those who struggle. Which is more Christ-like?

And so I am declaring that a crisis of faith is like the coming of the Lord Jesus as an infant on earth. Both are the beginning of a transformation. Both seem risky and vulnerable, and can even be threatened by those around who see only a threat. Christ’s birth was a lonely act for all involved. For Mary. For Joseph. For John the Baptist. For Jesus.

But a crisis of faith is looking toward a rebirth of a roomier understanding. Each crisis is so that we can develop a better-formed, more intelligent, and more compassionate way of being. Though fear, childhood wounds, and a restrictive environment can stunt our growth, we are designed to grow in wisdom and love. Sometimes that is lonely and scary. But it is never outside of providence. “Fear Not” say the angels. This is good tidings, and you are not alone.

Those are my reflections this year. As I begin to develop a class called “Explorations” for spiritual seekers (on Zoom this coming January, date/time TBD) I am reflecting on the topic of faith development and how it can be messy and gooey, like birth. It can look dramatic and even dangerous, but it is how we enter new stages of spiritual evolution. And it is beautiful. Come explore with us.

May you find a warm and safe manger in which to lay your newly birthed spiritual awakenings. May you be filled with innocence and joy and peace this holiday season, and watch for those deeply good “underpinnings” all around you. A New Light comes. We don’t have to be afraid.

My family continues to do pretty well. My oldest daughter, Jennie, and her dear husband, Ryan, are doing as well as they can given Ryan’s recovery-resistant long-Covid. We pray every day for returning strength and resilience for him. Make it so! My daughter, Eden, and her husband continue to grow their practices as Osteopathic Manual Practitioners while they raise two active and vibrantly alive young girls.

Jordan, having been laid off from work in the Spring is increasingly stressed by his inability to find another job. I know many like him, also laid off in the economic downturn. I know all too well the terrible stress of chronic unemployment. Please pray for him to find a job that suits him and in which he will thrive, soon!

So from our house(s) to yours, we send deep love and hope for good fortune no matter what is going on in the world. The human race is careening around and things feel very unstable now. But this, too, shall pass. Feel ALL the feelings. Rage against whatever feels worthy if you need to. And remember that even this shall pass.

You are LOVED.

From AliSam, soon to be reunited!