Clutter Clearing as a Spiritual Practice - Part 2

Releasing

A spiritual practice is an activity undertaken on a regular basis for the purpose of inducing spiritual insights and encouraging spiritual growth.

So ... clutter clearing ... as a spiritual practice?

It can be.

Think about it:

Clutter clearing invites us to release things.

I have seen three things that block us from releasing things back into the universe: 

1. A sense of responsibility for the item.

2. The fear that one might need or use the item in the future. And
3. obligation or sentimental attachment to the item.

1) A sense of responsibility

Some clients have trouble releasing items because they want to know what will happen once they are out of their keeping. There is a sense of responsibility to see that the items "get into a good home" or are otherwise properly cared for. (This is admirable, but too often is harming the client's ability to get free.)  

The spiritual practice asked of these clients is TRUST. Can we trust that the universe (God/Providence) will get the item to its proper place? Can we let go of feeling responsible for the item's future (without any shame or self-doubt?)  Can we let go of worry about the item, setting it and ourselves free, and trusting that all will be well? 

2) The fear that one might need the item in the future.
Some clients have trouble releasing items because they are uncertain whether they might need the item in the future. There is an unwillingness to let go of even long-unused items in case they want it later.

The spiritual practice asked of these clients is also TRUST. Can we trust that the universe will provide what we need when we need it? In this abundant culture, with flea markets and Amazon and community swaps and Freecycling, can we believe that we could probably find just the thing we need in the future, should the need arise? 

"Then Jesus asked them, 'When I sent you out without a purse, bag or sandals, did you lack for anything?'  'Nothing,' they answered.  Luke 22:35

3) obligation or sentimental attachment to the item.
There is nothing wrong with having a sentimental attachment to our possessions. It isn't so good if the attachment begins to dominate what is best for us. Sometimes we have items we do not enjoy but feel unable to release due to their origins.  Perhaps something was a gift from a loved one or belonged to an ancestor, and letting it go feels uncomfortable, even though we don't actually want it.

The spiritual practice in relation to sentiment and obligation is "saucha."  Saucha is a word from Sanskrit which means a purity of focus or clarity of vision. Saucha pulls us back to our core self. When we are grounded in our core, we can discern most clearly what serves us spiritually.   Items of sentiment and obligation can be the most sticky and difficult to release. Yet in our deepest core, we know that we don't need to remain attached to anything physical for our wellbeing.

Rarely do we have to endure the loss of all our most treasured possessions.  Only those in massive fires or earthquakes, or refugees from war and famine, may suffer the loss everything they own.  However, it is a healthy practice to be willing to release everything that burdens us or stands in the way of our best life.

When it comes to items we hold due to obligation we must ask ourselves, "Would I want someone I love to carry around something they no longer need or use simply because they fear to hurt my feelings?" If our answer is "No," we must trust our friends and loved ones to be as wise. Let it go! (I don't want anyone to feel obliged to hold on to some unneeded item just to protect my fragile ego. God willing, my ego is far more resilient than that.)

The preceding are just a few examples of how clutter clearing invites us to do spiritual work. Try it, and you may find that the regular examining and releasing of physical items can help you feel clearer and lighter in non-physical ways too.

To be continued.

For the other entries in this series, see below.

Clutter Clearing as a Spiritual Practice - Part 1

Clutter Clearing as a Spiritual Practice - Part 3

The Wounded Inner Child and Experiencing Our Vulnerability

I have been sad lately.  I have felt curled up inside and afraid, like a lost child.  This is a recurrent place that I visit.

When I am strong and confident and coming from love, I cannot remember why I ever would feel this small and lost.

But now that this pall of sadness and fear is visiting, I cannot remember how I ever felt strong and confident.  That place of strength isn't currently accessible.

So I have been doing what I can do while I am here, which is to observe the feelings, and be compassionate with myself (which is easier said than done!), and to practice meditation, and to see if I can allow myself to play.

A wise mentor recently said that this inner child, which is currently in fetal position, is not my true self.  It is one face of my experience, but not THE TRUTH about me.

That was tremendously helpful.

It reminds me that I am more than my wounds.  It reminds me that I am also strong and gifted and loved.  It reminds me that the sun is shining behind the clouds.

Why do I write this?  Why am I so vulnerable in a public space, where I might invite doubt in my capabilities, or censure for struggling, or condemnation for being "weak?"

I put this out there because I believe I am not alone.

I put this out there because I believe these sorts of inner dynamics are all too common, and a friendly hand, or a kind voice, or a helpful sign-post can make all the difference when one is lost in a fog and feeling alone.

I am not the only one on this journey who sometimes feels like I am three years old and on my own---who forgets that I also have an inner adult who is loving and wise and strong, even if temporarily out of sight.

And you who walk beside me in vulnerability and honesty are my true companions, not the voices who are

judging.

I judge other's "weakness" as a defense against feeling my own vulnerability.  I would rather just be honest about feeling sad and lost, than judge others as a way of defending myself against feeling this way.

And honestly, the deepest strength belongs to those who can admit their own vulnerability.  Well, that's the story I am clinging to today.

For deeply insightful explorations of shame and vulnerability, I recommend anything by Brene Brown.

Go courageously into this day, even if all that looks like today is breathing and stopping negative self-talk.  You are lovable and loved!

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

http://www.onbeing.org/program/brene-brown-on-vulnerability/4928

Broken Open by Love

I recently returned from a gathering of my peers (fellow liberal Swedenborgian ministers) in beautiful Laport, Indiana.  I was asked to give the talk to the local congregation Wednesday night.  We had been fed and housed by the several generous, quiet, and amazingly kind ladies of this congregation as we listened, discerned, and upheld each other in love. This was the message, from our hearts to the whole congregation. 

Broken Open

Scripture: John 12 20-26

Rev. Alison Longstaff

The Laport New Church, Indiana

http://www.laportenewchurch.org/

Joint worship at the close of “Peer Supervision,” October 24, 2012

John 12:24 “Timeless truth I speak to you: unless a grain of wheat falls and dies in the ground, it remains alone.  But if it dies, it yields a great abundance.”

What do we do in peer supervision?

Do we discuss deep points of doctrine? 

Do we explore the deep underlying existential and theological implications of ministry in modern western global consciousness today?

Nope.

We come for fellowship.

We come to listen and to heal. We come to share in the one community that really gets us.

So what happens in these meetings?  A great deal of heart truth.  What happens in these meetings?  Listening, sharing, empathy, comfort, and support; insight, respect, often tears, sometimes heart-wrenching sobs, and always uproarious laughter.

And this was a point of insight for us --- that without the willingness to go into our depths of sadness and struggle, we would not also be opened to the moments of tremendous light.  Unless we allowed ourselves to be broken open by the love and safety here, we would tend to remain tightly bound in our need to be strong.  Pastors need pastors too. And so here we find that when we let ourselves be supported by each other --- when we let ourselves feel our deepest vulnerability, we rediscover our greatest strength, which is God’s relentless, persistent, unconditional love, experienced through each other.

Like the seed in the scripture falling to the earth, we must surrender.  We would prefer to hold on to “life.”  To feel strong and competent and capable.  It is much harder to look openly at our fears and insecurities.  It is much easier to be strong.  Who likes feeling vulnerable?  Yet through our descent into the dark earth of vulnerability, God cracks us open, and THEN the sacred and creative and the beautiful burst into life. 

It is a universal truth of the human condition: that deep in the heart of each soul is the terror of not being good enough.  Deep in each psyche lies the fear of being innately unlovable.  This is commonly called shame, and every mistake we have ever made piggybacks on this shame and seeks to convince you and you and me that we are somehow truly unlovable, and that some day, someone will figure this out and the game will be up.  We will be rejected, “as we deserve.”

But guess what?  There are no throw-away people. 

None. 

Every single one of us is the absolutely perfect, bright, and innocent soul that we were at the moment of our birth.  Nothing has changed, except that we have come to believe that we might somehow have lost our right to have love and human tenderness and connection, because our culture tells us so.

So let’s just admit it right now.  We all have warts.  We are all afraid of being just too broken to love.  And we are all completely beautiful and full of light!  And only through our vulnerability and heart-honesty, do we experience God’s presence among us, in compassion, gentleness, healing tears, and then deep belly-aching laughter. 

If we isolate and try to maintain the illusion of strength, we remain alone.  But when we allow ourselves to die, and to let our pride go, we are open to finding true intimacy and the abundant life of true heart-relationship --- which is the kingdom of heaven.

We came to these meetings holding it together.  

We leave whole and together. 

We came needing healing.  

We leave with such gratitude for this congregation’s quiet, amazing support and hospitality.  

Thank you for your light and love.  

http://www.memorise.org/brain-articles/laughter-affects-brain-00734.html

Cultural shaming around feeling

In my experience, healing from psychological trauma and childhood abuse includes re-experiencing the feelings associated with those traumas. Very often, key appropriate responses to such abuse is anger, grief, and tremendous vulnerability. How challenging it is then, in a culture that shames us simply for feeling these things or for feeling them "too long."  When we combine that with our own aversion to feeling these things, I believe it is heroic indeed that we can allow ourselves to feel them anyway, with compassion, patience, trust, and faith in the process.

There is a way out.  There is a way through.
Go gently with yourself today.

Rev. Alison

Transcending Failure

"So many of us feel a sense of broken-heartedness or disappointment in ourselves for all the times we’ve tried

and failed. 

But imagine if every experience that you've had until now led you right here into this perfect moment?  What if it is all perfect?  What if it is not--- as many of our subconscious beliefs think--- that it is your fault, or you’re just not good enough, or you’ll never figure it out, or you’re doomed, or whatever tape you play in the darkest recesses of your mind; what if that is all a lie?  What if all of those beliefs and all of that evidence that we’ve stacked up against ourselves is just not true?" - Kristen Morelli

Today I begin again with new courage, to release my stories of being too broken to succeed, and I release my story that I should have accomplished this or that "by now." 

And I choose to show up in this moment with the freshness and curiosity and hope of a child.  

All I can do is my best in this moment, and I certainly do better when I release my backlog of disappointments and my stories of failure and my fear of being hurt and disappointed.

I call on the Spirit, or Divine Goodness, or God, or Higher Power, or my angels, or the love of my friends, or whatever there is that surrounds me with innocence and goodness; and I draw strength and hope and OPEN MY HEART AGAIN to life.

Amen.  

Drink Deeply

"We all must hold the cups of our lives.  As we grow older and become more fully aware of the many sorrows of life - personal failures, family conflicts, disappointments in work and social life, and the many pains surrounding us on the national and international scene - everything within and around us conspires to make us ignore, avoid, suppress, or simply deny these sorrows.  "Look at the sunny side of life and make the best of it," we say to ourselves and hear others say to us.   But when we want to drink the cups of our lives, we need first to hold them, to fully acknowledge what we are living, trusting that by not avoiding but befriending our sorrows we will discover the true joy we are looking for right in the midst of our sorrows."  Henri Nouwen

I have been avoiding feeling the sadness of the accumulated losses of my past several years.  It usually takes the support of friends for me to find the courage to face the despair and loss and sit with these feelings.  But there is a truth in what Nouwen says.  There is a way to sit with them.  it does involve befriending my sorrows.  This is not to become a perpetual victim, nor a sad-sack that keeps the pain front and centre.  

There is a way between ignoring and obsessing.  

There is a way to hold the sorrow beside the joy, without either cancelling out the other.  Instead, each brings a depth and texture to what becomes a magnificent pairing.

May I come to drink the cup of my whole life, the bitter and the sweet, the tangy, the rich, and the smoky, the light and the dark.  May I trust that ALL of my life in its blending is perhaps becoming a fine wine, with depth and texture, perhaps bitterness or edginess, but balanced with sweetness, earthiness or dare I say, a chocolaty note? 

If indeed we can and must embrace all of our story, then there is a way that even this drink, this cup of life with all its tones, is delicious and worthy too.  Perhaps it is my palate that needs maturing into a greater appreciation.  I have indeed found some of life's greatest joys in the midst of the darkest moments, as Nouwen suggests.  So I am finding my courage to sit with the darker notes again.  And I lift my cup to you, that we may drink deeply life beside each other in friendship, appreciating the richness, and allowing all the flavours to speak.  

Peace and blessings,

Alison