Spoons

The "Spoons" Metaphor or "Spoon Theory"

Recently, a darling young woman-friend said to me, "I can't.  I don't have enough spoons."  (She lives with depression.)

At my puzzled look she told me with delight about the helpful "meme" that is spreading through the collective conversation.  It all began with Christine Miserandino's attempt to explain to a friend what it is like to live with invisible illness---about the tough decisions one has to make every day with one's limited energy.

The concreteness of the spoon imagery has managed to effectively illustrate what invisibly ill people have been saying for years:  Those who live with illness have far fewer resources than the healthy.

Being judged for low functioning or being guilted into more activity is NOT helpful.  Even still I struggle to remember that I often have fewer spoons in a day than regular people do.  I don't need outside help in feeling like I am not doing enough or producing enough.  I manage to feel shitty all by myself. (It is part of being depressed).  Patience and compassion are needed, not more shaming and shoulds,

When I think in terms of my "spoons," however, I tend to get practical and pragmatic, rather than getting bogged down in shame.  I am hearing the metaphor of the spoons increasingly in the conversations around me now too, which makes my heart glad for all the other good people I know who live with invisible illness. (Illnesses such as lupus, multiple sclerosis, depression, anxiety disorder, and a so many more.)

It is too easy to judge others, and too frequently unjust.  The simple act of trying to explain or defend oneself  from others' judgments and "advice" and attempts to "fix" takes even more spoons from an already meager supply.

The world already is overly short on compassion and respect.  How about we hand around more of that and less of suspicion and judgment and ill-informed assumptions?

Let's start handing out free spoons.  A kind word; a smile; a helping hand; an anonymous act of kindness: these are the things that help everyone.  It is so much easier to give a spoon than take one.  Why are we so quick to assume that someone who is short on spoons deserves to be so?

Please, take excellent care of yourself if you are short on spoons!  Please accept help with grace, not shame!  And many thanks to all those blessed enough to have spoons to share, who share them.

"Love one another as I have loved you."

Find the original spoon theory story by Christine Miserandino here.