I Clean Up For Parties

My son is playing Christmas carols on the piano. From his memory. Arranging them as he goes. It's a little stop and start, but really quite pleasing. He paused and looked at me, and said, "I need to work on my piano playing."

Huh. If only I could play like he does!

I've sent out my 2005 Christmas letter, and feel a little squirmy. I think about who will read it, and how they might react. Do I sanitize everything, and put in smiles and serenity where there hasn't been any? Do I hide the ugly places? Or do I show the nuts and bolts of all the workings? There is a place for both.

My house looks very lived-in right now. Laundry waiting to be folded piled up in front of the TV, breakfast dishes scattered. Flotsam and jetsam of five people scattered around amidst papers and books and opened Christmas cards. . . . (Grammar aficionados---please just let me make my incomplete sentences. They WORK in this setting.)

This is what a house looks like when it is being used. A house is meant to be lived in. But it is messy. It looks messy. And yes, sometimes the mess gets to me and I become ballistic-mommy and yell and rampage for half a day and rally the troops and get things picked up a bit. . . .
But really, this is what the house really looks like 98% of the time.

I clean up for parties.
I like having parties because it gives me an excuse to really clean up! And decorate. And add nice little details.... It is a kindness to me as well as my guests to clear off the chairs and couch so there is somewhere to sit at least. I wonder if it isn't 90% for ME that I clean up? When I go to someone else's house, I go for the company, not for the cleanness or the decorations. . . .
Sometimes I'm relieved to visit a messy house! It reminds me that I'm normal.

All of this is a sort of metaphoric attempt to process my discomfort over the edginess of my blog content, and my Christmas letter content. . . .

Not sure what conclusion I'm coming too.

There's a place for being tidy and decorative, and a place for being raw and honest and in the process of life. I guess I see enough of the Martha Stewart presentation of life that I'll help balance the scale. I'll talk about the messy stuff.

But it IS nice to clean up for a party. I recently went out to a nice event, and decided to really put an effort into my appearance. Style my hair and hair spray and contacts and make-up, and a nice outfit that slimmed me down a bit (there's really no hope).

And a few people didn't recognize me....

It was pretty funny. Am I that grungy and goofy-looking the rest of the time? I can clean up pretty nice when I want to. (For a forty-something mother of three.)

"But it's not the point!" she said, screaming like Grover the muppet and waving her arms around wildly. I'm my insides! Not my outsides!

Maybe that is what is going on....

Will you still love me, when you see all of me, not just the party face---the pretty face, the cleaned up, made up, sprayed and shelacked and tucked in and zipped up Alison---but the no make-up, crumbs on my shirt, bags under my eyes, what-ever hair, absent-minded, tired and slightly sad Alison?