"I Yearned About Jesus"

I had to share with everyone a heartwarming story sent to me from Jessica, one of the moms who brings her boys to our church:

"I just wanted to send you a quick message about our day and hopefully brighten your day. I took the boys out for some running around this morning and promised Ben if he helped mommy he could get a toy at Giant Tiger - whatever he wants. When we got there and were looking around Benson picked out a statue of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. He told me that he wanted them in his room over his bed, and he said baby Jesus will take care of him. How wise! I was so shocked. He walked around the store holding his statue and telling all the old people who it was, and that he "yearned about baby Jesus" at church!!! I was so proud and happy all at once. What a smart little boy, and only 2 1/2 !" -from Jessica-

Ben certainly is adorable! He brought his little statue to church with him and hugged it tightly all through the service. One never knows what precious things these wise little hearts will treasure. Jess, you and your family are a gift to Good Shepherd. Thanks for this story!

Ordination celebration, Part 2

All of these pictures are by Emma Heiser Simonetti . (Thanks, Emma!)

After the skit, I gave a bit of a speech, some of which Emma Simonetti captured on video:

(Okay, so I tried and tried to get the video to upload, but apparently am not geeky enough to figure it out.)
After the speech, Tamar said a few lovely things, and Matt and Mary Jane Odhner gave me a gift.....

A black sheep in a red stole!

How perfect.

No one from my family of origin came.

But 24 wonderful people filled the house and sang to me, with many more folks sending good wishes and regrets that they couldn't attend.

It was a lovely evening.

I've also got video of the ordination itself, which some people watched at the party. I'm trying to figue out how to upload it so more folks can see it.

Bryn Athyn Celebration of Ordination, Part 1

We started the party with a skit:
(In case you're not sure, this is satire.)

General Church member: Hey, Hi! Good to see you! (Hug) I hear you are a minister now. Congratulations!
Alison: Thanks! I feel great. I’m very happy.
General Church member: So, they finally let women into the Bryn Athyn theological school....and they ordained you. Wonders never cease.
Alison: Well, no. I’m ordained into the Swedenborgian Church of North America - the "Convention" Church.
GC member: Ohhhhhh! Well then.... So you’re not a real minister.
Alison: No. I guess I’m not a real minister.
GC member: So, where did you study to get your degree?
Alison: I did the bulk of my studies at a wonderful Lutheran seminary in Ontario, and got all my Swedenborgian credits through the Convention seminary in California by distance learning.
GC member: I see. So, not at a real seminary.
Alison: No. I couldn’t study at a real seminary. But I made wonderful friends at my seminary!
GC member: Oh! Are they in the General Church?
Alison: Well, no, it was a Lutheran seminary....
GC member: So, they aren’t real friends.
Alison: No. I guess you’re right. They aren’t real friends....
GC member: Mmm-hmmm.... So, where do you work?
Alison: I work at the Church of the Good Shepherd, in Kitchener.
GC member: Ohhhhhh! Well then.... (relieved) So at least you are working in Caryndale.
Alison: No. That’s the General Church congregation. I work at the Convention Church in Kitchener.
GC member: Ohhh. So, you don’t work at a real church.
Alison: No. You’re right. I guess I don’t work at a real church....
GC member: And how is your husband with all this?
Alison: He’s been wonderful, really supportive.
GC member: But, you’re not a member of the General Church any more?
Alison: That’s right. I resigned almost two years ago.
GC member: So, you don’t even have a real marriage.
Alison: I guess not, not a real marriage.... (Sighs)
GC member: (Pause. Brightens) Well, your children! How are they doing?
Alison: Both of my daughters have wonderful, adorable boyfriends, who are really good to them.
GC member: That’s wonderful! Who are they?
Alison: You wouldn’t know them. They aren’t in the General Church.
GC member: So, they don’t have real boyfriends.
Alison: No. Not real boyfriends.
GC member: But they are both at The Academy?
Alison: No. None of my children are.
GC member: So, you don’t even have real children.
Alison: No, I don’t even have real children. (Sighs)
GC member: (Long, awkward pause.) Well! This has been interesting.
Alison: Indeed! But don’t worry. Talking to me wasn’t even a real experience, so you’ll be okay.
GC member: (Laughs with relief.) You’re right! Well that’s all right then! Good bye!
Alison: It has been quite interesting talking to you. (Then, under her breath) Unreal....

My ordination talk

Welcoming the Stranger
Alison Longstaff, June 26 2009
Ordination talk, University of Washington

Matt 25: 34-40 Then the Sovereign One will say to those on the right hand, 'Come, you blessed of Abba God, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me.

Then those honorable ones will answer, saying, “Teacher, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?" And the Sovereign One will answer and say to them, "Truly, I say to you, every time you did it for one of the least of my sisters or brothers, you did it for Me."

In ancient Rome and Greece, newborn baby girls were regularly abandoned by the roadside and left to die. Girls were considered a liability. They cost money to marry off, and they couldn’t carry on the family name. By the time of the Lord’s birth on earth Roman society was experiencing a severe shortage of women because of the neglect and abandonment of baby girls. But it didn’t stop the practice.
There are parts of the world where girls are still treated this way. Indeed, the practice of subjugating and devaluing women continues in many subtle ways in every corner of our world. Our culture has come a long way, but we’ve still got a long way to go.

However, this isn’t meant to be a “women’s lib” talk. It is a cry against discrimination in every form. We all know injustice, not just women, not just blacks not just immigrants. Every one of us in this room, at one time or another in our lives has felt marginalized, singled out, or picked on. From playground bullying, to being the last one picked for basketball, to being refused service or support because our income is too low, we have all experienced that feeling of the door slamming in our face---of being deemed unworthy. We all know the emotional experience of having the pack withdraw from us and look at us with dislike. It feels rotten.

If an infant experiences the withdrawal of the pack, it faces certain death. Such abandonment communicates profound dehumanization. That child is considered a waste of time and resources. How can the most helpless and innocent of all human beings comprehend such a rejection? Perhaps that is why all forms of rejection cut so deep. It communicates to our “lizard brain” that we are singled out to die. Though you and I may be relatively mature, and know in our heads that we will survive rejection just fine, experiences of rejection and abandonment can still throw us into a profoundly vulnerable emotional place. Our lizard brain sees the complete withdrawal of our support, resources, and foundation, and it believes we are going to die.

That was essentially what my emotional state was when I knocked on the door of this denomination. I had been cut out of my pack. My spiritual family had left me by the road to die, without a backward glance. I was devastated, kicked out of the only spiritual home I had ever known. After all, the Bishop’s Decree had come down from the top: “God says women can’t be ministers, so shut up and stop your whining.” (I think those were the bishop’s exact words...)

Oh, I was welcome back, if I kept my mouth shut about the injustice and the sexism I was witnessing. I was welcome back if I gave up my call to ministry and suppressed it as unnatural and unfeminine. I was welcome back if I stopped being me. They wanted my body in the pews, but not my heart, not my intelligence, and certainly not my longing to be a minister.
So I stumbled up to your doors, “bleeding from every orifice” as one friend described me. I was an orphan. I was an unwanted child.

“for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me."

I began to inquire at SHS, and was astonished to receive heartfelt congratulations and excitement over my call to ministry. Then the local congregation in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada adopted me with unbounded warmth, kindness, and enthusiasm, welcoming me as if I was someone worth loving.

I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me....

You, all of you, whether you know it or not, cared for me, wounded and broken though I was, and nursed me back to health. Though I’m not perfect, you welcomed me with kindness and love. Do you have any idea what that has meant to me?

And now, now that I am strong and well again, and equipped for service, it is my turn to give back to you, with my whole heart and devotion. I bring playfulness and music, a voice of hope and compassion, and a heart full of delight in the new incarnation of God’s love that is this second coming. I wish to be an encourager, a teacher, and perhaps even a pioneer into new spiritual territories, discovering and mapping where this church might go in the future.
I have sat in these meetings and I have heard the concerns for our future. I see the frustration and the discouragement over the declining membership.

But maybe we need to reframe our mission on this world. We keep thinking that it is our job to grow the New Church for the Lord, and that that “New Church” is going to look like lots of new members in this denomination.

But look around you. The New Church is popping up in voices and hearts in all sorts of unexpected places. It lives in that Rabbi and in that Sheikh that spoke so eloquently to us Wednesday night. You saw it and felt it. It lives in the heart and mind of Reverend Jeff, even if he uses different words and has some different ideas. It is showing up everywhere, if we can but realize what we are seeing. It lives in more and more hearts and minds every day, and God is doing it all by ... Herself. God is bringing about the Holy City, and a person doesn’t necessarily have to have heard of Swedenborg to be part of it.

I don’t think we have to worry. We don’t own the New Church. We never did. It is God’s church, not ours, and comes to each person in its right time. We don’t “have it” to give to another. We have it to live, day by day in community with the whole world.

You and you and you and I, simply by loving these ideas and struggling to live them into our ordinary lives, are very much contributing to the descent of the Holy City. We bear witness to it with our lips, yes, but more importantly, we bear witness to it with our quality of being on this planet.
So, we might need to reframe our understanding of our job as a church. It may not be our destiny to grow huge in numbers. It might just be our job to hold the space for love, to keep the flame of the spirit of truth alive while God does the work of birthing the New Church on earth. This tiny denomination has been the mother and the midwife of this new birth for years already. Well done, good and faithful servants. The baby is crowning, and all we have to do is breathe, and relax, and try not to strain. This birth is in the Lord’s hands, and therefore, all is well.

I say again: “the new church” may never be one unified natural organization called “The New Church.” I think we get stuck on that expectation. The New Church may be just what we are already seeing: Rabbis and Sheikhs, Imams and Pagan priestesses, Lutherans and Presbyterians and agnostics who see that the one God is for everyone. Allah is Yahweh is the Goddess is Jesus is: “Goodness embodied in kindness and art and compassion and service” no matter what our holy book or skin colour or country of origin or gender.

Have we failed because we are still so small and so few people have heard of Swedenborg? Not on your life. Every moment that we live our love and our calling, we are doing just what God asks of us. Because it is always and ever about living our love, and not about our status, or glossy brochures, or fancy programming, or packed stadiums and praise bands.

How do I know this? Well, remember those baby girls who were abandoned in Rome to die? Some were found and adopted by a tiny and persecuted group whose mandate was simply to serve the world with kindness and compassion---to feed the hungry and visit those in prison and to tend the sick. Those girls were adopted and raised within the fragile struggling group, learning also to serve the poor and reach out in love to the marginalized. That tiny band was heaven-bent on obeying their radical rabbi’s command to remember the widows and the orphans, to welcome the stranger, and to become the least and the servant of all.
Whatever happened to that tiny, poor, struggling group? You can bet they wondered and worried about their future. What were they called anyway? Something like … Christians? What did ever happen to them?

Anyway, let’s not worry about the future. It will worry about itself. Please, just for tonight, celebrate with me that one little girl who was dead is alive again. And God willing, thanks to you, I am going to be one mighty power for good in the world. Tonight, celebrate with me the miracle of the newest good news: the absolute trustworthy power of God’s love. Of course we will work with all our might for this church because we love it so much. But we don’t have to worry. All will be well with the church because it is not really up to us; it’s in God’s hands … and with God, all things, ALL THINGS, are possible.

Ordination service bulletin

Worship Celebration of the Ordination of
Cameron Linen and Alison Smith Longstaff
June 26, 2009

Prelude: O Come Everyone That Thirsteth
Mendelssohn’s "Elijah"
Longstaff Family Singers

Processional Hymn
Jerusalem the Golden - p 6
(Please stand)

Opening of the Word

Responsive Call to Celebration

There are those who say that God cannot be heard,
In these times of turmoil, hopelessness and confusion

there is also justice and hope and clarity,
for the Lord is present.
There are those who say that God cannot be seen,
In the midst of anonymity, loneliness and alienation

there is also community, belonging and purpose,
for the Lord is present.
There are those who say that God cannot be felt,
People who hunger for the healing love of God,
for the Lord is present.
Let us proclaim our faith in those who have heard God’s gentle voice,
Let us proclaim our confidence in those who follow God.
Let us proclaim our trust in those who have seen God.
Let us support those who step forward to serve God.
Let us rejoice that Cameron and Alison have responded

to God’s call and have come before us for our blessings
and the blessings of the Lord; for the Lord is present.

Hymn
This is My Father’s World- p 7
(Please Stand)

A Call to the Faithful

The spirit of God has sent us to bring good news to the oppressed,
To bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives and release to the prisoners,
To comfort all who mourn,
To give them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
They shall build up the ancient ruins,
they shall raise up the former devastations,
the devastations of many generations.
You shall be named ministers of our God.

The Word and The Call

Matthew 25: 34-40
Welcoming the Stranger
Alison Smith Longstaff

Anthem
Warrior
Wyrd Sisters
Convention Chorus of Women

Philippians 2: 1-4
Doing the Work
Cameron Linen

Affirmation of Faith
We believe in God, The Creator, The Christ, The Light of the World whose eternal spirit moved upon the face of the waters at the beginning, and moves within us now. To a world in darkness the Eternal Light became one of us, transcended every human frailty, overcame the hells, restored the balance of the spiritual world and saved humanity. Today the Lord comes to us anew in the spiritual understanding of the Word. With its enlightenment and renewal of life, this disclosure is the Second Coming in Spirit, making possible a new and larger life as we love God and love the good which comes from God in all people. So far as we honor the Lord in worship and in life as the visible God in whom is the invisible Divine, we walk in the light of the Holy City, New Jerusalem. Amen.

Pastoral Prayer

Lord’s Prayer
OUR CREATOR, You are within us and all around us. Your spirit enters us in every breath. We honor Your holy names. We celebrate Your presence and the coming of Your Wisdom Unfolding from the depths within us, Your will is done. Each day You freely offer us all that we need. You show us our weaknesses and help us to overcome them. You give us the courage to act in love and wisdom. For You are the dwelling place of all people, the empowering guide and the joy of life itself now and forever. Amen.

Anthem
Soon Love Soon
Vienna Tang
Longstaff Family Singers, Marcia Smith, soloist

Presentation of the Candidates

Doctrine of the Church

Essentials of the Church

Faith of the Church

The Inquiry
President: Alison and Cameron you now stand before this faithful assembly who love and trust you. In the depth of your heart do you believe that Divine Providence has led you to minister to all those that are a part of the New Jerusalem?
Ordinands: I do so believe I have been called by name and led to this place.
Congregation: We honor you and the journey that has brought you here.
Minister: Do you declare your commitment and faithfulness to the Lord, the Divine Word and the heavenly teachings of the New Jerusalem as unfolded in the writings by Emanuel Swedenborg?
Ordinands: I do so declare they are a lamp unto my feet and a light upon my path.
Congregation: The Light of heaven shines upon your path.
President: Is it your desire to be ordained as minister of the New Church that you would lead as priest, prophet, teacher, and pastor; humbly opening your heart to the Lord as the Source of all truth, love and power?
Ordinands: I do so desire to be ordained into the ministry, that with the Lord’s help I shall fulfill my calling to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.
ALL: We will walk with you.

Laying on of Hands

Ministerial Grace

Presentation of the Tokens of Ordination

Charge to Ordinands
President Christine Laitner

Hymn of Blessing
Canticle of the Turning
Rory Cooney
Convention Choir and Congregation



Closing of the Word

Benediction
Rev Cameron Linen and Rev. Alison Smith Longstaff

Recessional
Ode to Joy
arr. A.V. Fedak

Hallelujah Chorus
George F. Handel


Liturgists
Reverend Andrew Stinson
Ordaining Minister
Ms. Christine Laitner
President of Convention

Musicians
Rev. Ken Turley, Worship Coordinator
Laurie Turley, Convention Choirmaster
The Convention Choir
The Longstaff Family Singers
Convention Chorus of Women
Ms. Bet Giddings, Accompanist

Laying on of Hands
For Cameron Linen
Rev. Wilma Wake – mentor
Rev. Ken Turley - mentor


For Alison S. Longstaff
Pat Tukos - advisor
Rev. John Maine – mentor
Phil Longstaff – representing the whole family
Vida Jaugelis –Lutheran classmate

16 days

and counting.....

I passed my courses and passed my final exams. I have jumped through all the hoops. I am scheduled to be ordained June 26th at 7:30 pm in Seattle, Washington.

WAHOOOOOOOO!

June 14, 2009

My Journey
Alison Longstaff, June 14 2009
Church of the Good Shepherd

(my final talk at Good Shepherd before I head off to my ordination)

"for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me.'" Matt 25:35-36

In ancient Rome and Greece, newborn baby girls were regularly abandoned by the roadside and left to die. Girls were considered a liability. They cost money to marry off, and they couldn’t carry on the family name. By the time of the Lord’s birth on earth Roman society was experiencing a severe shortage of women because of their neglect and abandonment of baby girls. It didn’t stop the practice though.
There are parts of the world where girls are still treated this way. Indeed, the practice of subjugating and devaluing women continues in many subtle ways in every corner of our world. Our culture has come a long way, but we’ve still got a long way to go.

However, this isn’t meant to be a “women’s lib” talk. It is a cry against discrimination in every form. We all know injustice, not just women, not just blacks, not just immigrants. Every one of us in this room, at one time or another in our lives has felt marginalized, singled out, or picked on. From playground bullying, to being the last one picked for basketball, to being refused service or support because our income is too low, we have all experienced that feeling of the door slamming in our face---of being deemed unworthy. We all know the emotional experience of having the pack withdraw from us and look at us with dislike. It feels rotten.

If an infant experiences the withdrawal of the pack, it faces certain death. Such abandonment communicates profound dehumanization. That child is considered a waste of time and resources. How can the most helpless and innocent of all human beings comprehend such a rejection? Perhaps that is why all forms of rejection cut so deep. It communicates to our “lizard brain” that we are singled out to die. Though you and I may be relatively mature, and know in our heads that we will survive rejection just fine, an experience of rejection or abandonment can still throw us into a profoundly vulnerable emotional place. Our lizard brain sees the complete withdrawal of our support, resources, and foundation, and it believes we are going to die.

That was essentially what my emotional state was when I wandered in here. I had been cut out of my pack. I had been left by the road to die, without a backward glance. I was the walking wounded, rejected by my spiritual family and kicked out of the only spiritual home I had ever known. Yes, I was welcome back, if I kept my mouth shut about the injustice and the sexism I was witnessing. Yes I was welcome back if I gave up my call to ministry and suppressed it as unnatural and unfeminine. After all, the Papal Decree had come down from the top: “God says women can’t be ministers, so shut up and stop your whining.” (I think those were the bishop’s exact words....) I was welcome back if I stopped being me. They wanted my body in the pews, but not my heart, my intelligence, or my longing to be a minister.

So I stumbled in here, lost and confused. I had nowhere to belong.

“for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me."

I brought with me music and enthusiasm, a passel of equally hurting friends, and a deep yearning to belong. Poor pastor Ros had no idea what to do with me. I hovered around the edges, just wanting a place where I fit in. And you enfolded me in your kindness.

And you guys didn’t just let me hang around the fringes; you welcomed me in just the way I was. You didn’t just tolerate me, you seemed, proud of my desire to be a minister! It blew my mind. I began to realize that I had found a new home when Pastor John said, “Look, you are our seminarian. See, there’s your name on our bulletin, ‘Alison Longstaff, our seminarian.’” I burst into tears.

You offered me unconditional love. You treated me like I was worth something, just the way I was. You blew me out of the water. Like a kicked puppy, I still sometimes wonder when the criticisms and judgment will begin again. If you sometimes read hesitancy and caution in any of us who have come to your fold from a colder place, that is probably what you are reading. Be patient. It takes a while to learn that it really is safe here.

And though we may look around and think we are kind of a motley crew, just remember this: Jacob, of “Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” fame, accepted into his flock all the speckled and spotted sheep, all the blemished and broken ones that others didn’t want. And from that beginning, he became the wealthiest man of all.
So maybe this church of unconditional love, peace, and patience don’t have glossy brochures, buckets of money, or a huge membership. So it is small and humble and struggling. It has the one thing that matters. It has everything it will ever need. It has love.

You had me at the first hello. You took me in, warts and all.
That’s all it took to win my love forever. Now it’s my turn to give back. From one lost lamb about to become a Shepherd thanks to you, my deepest, most heartfelt THANKYOU.

Flying Swoo

So I hear there's a pandemic coming.

I heard about it on the radio. I think it's called "flying swoo."

I wonder if I have it.

After all, I have these symptoms....

My pocketbook is really hurting.

And over the years , my body has gotten all big and puffy.

The doctor says I eat too much, but I think it's the flying swoo.

My brain isn't what it used to be. My memory is going.

I find it's harder and harder to care if my house is messy, or if my clothes aren't perfect.

Flying Swoo.

It sounds like something I'd want to duck.

I'm not sure I want to get hit by some flying swoo.

What are some other symptoms?

Sometimes it feels like my life is going to pieces.

I feel much less in control.

My pride hurts. My dreams are pathetic shadows of their formers selves.

Do I have flying swoo?

Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.

A perfect commentary

I started this Blog as a way of recording what this journey looks like, for anyone coming after me, or in a similar situation, and for my friends to keep tabs on my adventure. I also have used it as an outlet for joy, frustration, and all the other emotional ups and downs of this wild ride.

I started out excited and wordy and full of commentary, and have ended up sick to death of writing and listening to myself think.

And my last posting, which stood un-touched for weeks was "What doesn't kill you...."

heh heh.

It's all a perfect commentary. I'm in the final stages of labour now. This baby is coming! I just got my second to last "yes" to my ordination on April 2nd, and have been asked to begin planning the service.

What energy and attention I have left is going into jumping through the final hoops required of me. I'm sleeping between contractions now, I'm so tired of the process, so to speak. I'm almost too tired to be excited.

So here I am in Maine, half-way through my two-week internship with Rev. Ken Turley in Fryeburg. The locals are wonderful with buckets of personality, but I've caught the plague that is going around. There's a nasty cough/sinus/sore-throat bug going around, so ubiquitous that church yesterday sounded like a consumption ward. Ken just stoppped talking in the middle of his sermon for a while because nobody could hear what he was saying over all the hacking and nose-blowing. It's just funny. This is real life---real church. The choir director was so sick he couldn't sing, so I sang tenor. But he played a mean hammer-dulcimer for one of the songs and for the prelude (covet, covet....). For a tiny congregation, their choir ROCKS.

So, I'm shouting out from my final sprint to say THANK YOU to everyone who has followed this process with me and supported me. The finish line is in sight.

My ordination, if I get my final "yes" is scheduled for June 26th in the evening, on the campus of the University of Washington in Seattle. Anyone who can possibly travel that far and wants to come is welcome.

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!