The Golden Arrow, or How Our Poverty Can Reveal Our Richness

My reflections today spring from a Henry Nouwen quote:
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"How can we embrace poverty as a way to God when everyone around us wants to become rich? Poverty has many forms. We have to ask ourselves: 'What is my poverty?' Is it lack of money, lack of emotional stability, lack of a loving partner, lack of security, lack of safety, lack of self-confidence? Each human being has a place of poverty. That's the place where God wants to dwell! 'How blessed are the poor,' Jesus says (Matthew 5:3). This means that our blessing is hidden in our poverty.We are so inclined to cover up our poverty and ignore it that we often miss the opportunity to discover God, who dwells in it. Let's dare to see our poverty as the land where our treasure is hidden." ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

In my youth and early adult years I was lucky enough to have repeated exposure to safe places to express and be my whole self, with all my vulnerabilities and insecurities, without shaming or correcting---just unconditional support.  Not only was every part of my journey accepted and affirmed, but the others in the group also showed up with their whole selves.  Yes, there were sometimes those who withheld and hid, but they were accepted even in their hiding.  And I saw how much they missed out on the beauty and strength and openness life offers when we can be our whole selves with each other without shame.  Therein lies sacredness.  Therein lies richness and great beauty.

What were these spaces?  They were intentional small groups. I have found them in a church camp in the woods, in a specialty counselling course in a practitioner's office, and in 12 step meetings.  That level of sacred safety has happened even in book clubs (it depends a great deal on the leadership).  In fact, I believe it occurs spontaneously in every small group that follows certain protocols.

As the Nouwen quote above says, we tend to run from such vulnerability in this culture. It feels counter-intuitive. Instead, we hide our weaknesses even from ourselves, so uncomfortable can it be to look at our own poverty, let alone know that others see it too.

But my most sacred encounters have come through and only through following the thread of the pain and looking with honesty at the wound or lack that is discovered.  In fact, it is not the weakness or "sin" that is ever the problem, it is the denial of it and the hiding of it, the minimizing and explaining away of it that is the real problem.    Hiding and covering up the source of the disease only compounds the disease.  No problem can be addressed, no wound cleaned and bandaged, no broken connection mended if all the energy is spent on covering it up.

But it is no wonder we hide and continue to try to project an image of stability and security to the world. This culture praises "success" and blames and shames "failure." Who would want to invite that blaming and shaming?

There is a third way.  I have seen it and felt it and lived it.

There can be strength revealed when admitting weakness.  It is a sign of great inner integrity to own ones part in failures.  But most of all, I am here to testify that when I do these things in a community of others who do these things, I feel more connected to, cared for, and compassionately delighted with my fellow human beings.  I feel hope, not despair.

In contrast, the culture of competition in appearing successful combined with criticism of those who are struggling only brings out my worst.  I become more critical, more afraid, and more desperate to hide my own weaknesses. It is a house of cards, and no fun. And it is a false dream, because no one is perfect.

So today I choose again for honest vulnerability, no matter who is telling me that that is a bad idea. I have experienced differently.  I know which path leads me to my better self.

If you want to be part of such a sacred experience and learn how to create such a safe place for others (and live in the Kitchener-Waterloo region of Ontario) contact me at rangerally@rogers.com.  I will be leading and teaching these things over the summer.

With thanks to Mark Andrew Alward of the The Loving Room Blog for sharing this Nouwen quote this morning.  http://markandrewalward.blogspot.com/ 

Be the love that you are

Alison