Cain and Abel and the Stages of Spirituality

So, I’m a student of the Psychology of Religion.

Scholars have done studies on the developmental stages of faith—meaning there ARE stages of faith from less mature to more mature. Early stages rely on an external authority. They are very rules-based and about doing things “right” according to the authority and the rules. There is usually an innocence or naïveté because folks don’t know better, they can’t be more progressive yet, and they absolutely want to be “saved".

The hardest shift is between level 3 and level 4 spirituality (according to James Fowler) when a person shifts from an external authority to an internal authority, and from a head-based religion to a heart-based religion. (Richard Rohr simplifies it as early life—stages 1, 2, 3—and later life—stages 4 and up.) The people around them who are still in a rules- and authority-based religion are particularly threatened by their shift and do not understand it. I liken it to learning to swim. People who have not learned to swim cling to the side of the pool and call out in fear at their loved ones who are starting to let go and swim in the water.

(Does this information help in understanding the ways people do religion that can be so different?)

If you are raised by people who are in stage 4 or higher level of spiritual development, you still have to go through your own stages, but everything about the way they live encourages you to move into a thoughtful, heart-based approach to life. But if you are raised by people who are “clinging to the side of the pool” in an authoritative “you will only be safe if you stick with us” religion, it is much much harder to take the next developmental step into heart-wisdom, because most of the people around you are screaming that you are going to “die”. They don't want you to notice all the people that you’re finding who are living from their hearts and yet are not "dead".

This theory has helped me a lot in understanding why people do religion the way they do. Levels five and higher in spiritual development don’t even look like “religion”, because they are so respectful of the individual spiritual journey. They tend to be empowering, not controlling.

How is this connected to Cain and Abel? (Genesis 4)

My childhood tradition's teachings say that Cain represents “the need to be right” and Abel represents “being loving from deep wisdom.” They are brothers because they are ways of doing religion. Cain is born first (early spirituality) and Abel second (later life spirituality). Cain resents and does not understand why God favors Abel (the more mature and genuine spirituality). Cain is threatened by Abel and wants God's favor too, not understanding the shifts he still has to make in his motivations and perspective. And threatened, Cain “kills” Abel thinking that that is the way to win God's attention and favor (someone clearly isn't reading the manual). Cain-energy in life will always kill Abel-energy. Judgy, controlling, need-to-be-perfect-and-right ways of doing religion (or politics) will always attack and criticize and invalidate loving, inclusive, service-focused ways of doing religion (and politics). It’s just the way people are. There's a foundational shift that needs to happen from "I've got mine, screw you" to "We are all in this together; if you are suffering, we are all suffering".

We all have a tendency to be drawn into the need to be right and "win" arguments. We value a sense of cognitive security and don't like perspectives that threaten our foundational narrative of how life (God, "salvation") works. Arguing with someone about how they are wrong is rarely effective because they are so emotionally invested in "staying alive" (maintaining the reality they have known and trusted until this point).

If you don't know how to swim, moving into deep water means death.

Questioning religious dogma is moving into deep water. It is essential that we learn to swim so as to be much freer and to realize how life-giving swimming can be. But everything in Cain-level development screams "death!" unless you are surrounded by loving swimmers encouraging you to try swimming.

The same way you can't teach a child to read until they have reached reading readiness, you can't force a lower level spiritual seeker to be ready to think for themselves until they are ready AND feel safe enough to try. Some birds are pushed from the nest, some fly with sufficient encouragement, but some have parents telling them that flying equals death.

So just love everybody to bits.

Try not to judge because people are (possibly stuck) where they are for good reason.

Learn to draw firm boundaries with those who want to push their beliefs on you (spiritual violation) even as you stop trying to push your beliefs onto others (still a spiritual violation, no matter how "right" you are).

This is my distillation of theology and psychology. It is not to be used as a club to force others to agree. Just a balm and guide for those who need a helpful perspective.

For more scholarship on the stages of faith you might start here:

https://www.institute4learning.com/2020/06/12/the-stages-of-faith-according-to-james-w-fowler/

For counseling and empowerment on your spiritual journey, you may contact me here:

https://pastoralison.com/

I do talk therapy as well as weddings.

"Bullying" - an Easter Talk

“Bullying”

Rev. Alison Longstaff, April 5, 2015

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Genesis 37:12-24, Luke 22:1-6; TC 130:3; HS 9127

There is a long-standing tradition that says that “the Jews” crucified Jesus.  (Technically, the Romans crucified Jesus, but) what actually happened is that Jesus’s own people betrayed, abandoned, and crucified Him. But if Jesus had been a Christian, (now there is a mind-bending “if”) it would have been the Christians that crucified Him. No matter what ethnic or cultural group into which God chose to be born, that group would have betrayed and destroyed Him, because that is what the heaviest, darkest layer of humankind does to the Divine, every time, in every story.  It tries to kill it. 

So blaming “the Jews” for the crucifixion is just ignorant and makes things worse.

“The Jews” didn't crucify Jesus.  WE did.  Humanity did.  The unenlightened human response to anything going wrong is to find someone “out there” to blame, then to punish them, cut them off, or kill them.  We think we eliminate the problem that way.  We don’t.  But we like to think we do. 

This is the process called scapegoating.  We externalize, heap responsibility for all our problems on some thing or person outside ourselves, and then think we get rid of the problem by getting rid of the thing or person.

I am sure you have seen this in your life in various versions.  Perhaps you have been someone else’s scapegoat.  Perhaps you know someone who blames every bad thing that happens to them on other people or on circumstances.  It is so much easier for you and me to see this when someone else does it.  But if we are honest, each one of us has passed the blame unfairly.  Not one of us gets to cast the first stone. 

There is no cultural trait that makes one ethnicity more prone to scapegoating than another, no matter how good it might feel believe that. Contempt and superiority, (which underlie the tendency to blame others) are equal opportunity attitudes, be you Muslim or Jew, Christian or Buddhist, Republican or Democrat, American or Canadian or something else. In fact, believing that some group out there is more prone to scapegoating than we are is … scapegoating.  Don’t kid yourself.  Don’t blame yourself either.  Just realize it.  Stop.  And start finding a more helpful solution.

There is an antidote to the human tendency to shift blame and responsibility onto some other group.   We see it reflected in certain martial arts in the way some practitioners can engage an attacker and redirect the energy of their attack. They have disciplined themselves to such a degree that they can engage, redirect, or disarm, violent energy, and do so in such a way that harm is prevented and transformed into something benign.  Jesus did this with his words again and again when His opponents tried to trap Him.  We also can learn to do something similar given time, intention, and practice.

We see the ultimate example of this sort of unexpected, non-violent response when Jesus allowed His betrayal and torture, and suffered such an agonizing death. Jesus at any second could have overthrown the guards and forced His own plan on us.  But instead He allowed all of our abuse to fall on Him, because it was the best way to accomplish what was necessary. He was as docile as a lamb.  He did not blame, or recriminate, or punish us in response. Instead He engaged with all of the venom and violence and hideous darkness that humankind could throw at him, and in doing so neutralized it. He even used it to transform Himself into a more powerful reflection of His Love.

This heroic and lonely act is the great and resonant underlying message in the Easter story.  We find this theme in many of the world’s favorite stories, because it is OUR story.  It the story of how good stands against evil.  It is the account of the best aspects of humankind in relationship with the very worst. You can find blamelessness and kindness up against malicious intent in nearly every story if you just look.  It is in Harry Potter, in the Lord of the Rings, in Star Wars, in To Kill a Mockingbird, in the Chronicles of Narnia, and so many more. And it is living memory, not just metaphor in World War Two, and in every genocide and social injustice in every corner of the world.  And it is on every playground in every school.

We have all been crucified more than once in this life.  We have all experienced injustice and cruelty, betrayal and abandonment.  It is harder to admit sometimes that we have all also been the crucifiers—the betrayers, the gossips, the back-stabbers, and the blamers.  But this is in all of us too.  Every face within the Easter story is within each of us. 

But we don’t have to be afraid.  Though this life can crucify us, we are created to be transformed by each crucifixion.  In the same way we revisit the story of Jesus’s crucifixion and resurrection every Easter, we revisit it every time we live some aspect of it.  We suffer betrayal, excruciating loss, and profound transformation; and (God forgive us!) sometimes we realize that we have betrayed a friend and done the crucifying ourselves.  Each lived encounter with a dynamic in the story teaches us another layer of humility, another layer of compassion and self-awareness, and gives us another shot at transformation.  May you find hope in this fact this year, realizing that all of the faces in the story are in you, are loved and forgiven, and are called to greater things.

Remember that you cannot blame someone and love them at the same time.  When blame is pushed aside, love and compassion rush in.  May we continue this year to push back against fear and blame, so that with God’s help we make a bigger space for love to rush in and transform all our suffering into joy.

Amen.

The Readings

True Christianity 130:3 Paraphrased and condensed

The Lord’s betrayal by Judas signifies his betrayal by the Church at that day, meaning the religious leaders and teachers who had control of the Word. Their punching the Lord repeatedly, spitting in his face, whipping him, and beating his head with a cane symbolized how they treated the truths that pointed to a life of love in the Word. Their putting a crown of thorns on him symbolized all the ways they had abused and corrupted those truths. Their tearing up his clothes and casting lots for his undergarment meant that they had torn apart all the outer truths of the Word, but they did not split apart its inner meaning, which was symbolized by the Lord's undergarment. Their crucifying him meant that they had violated and ruined the entire Word. Their offering him vinegar to drink symbolized that everything that church leadership offered him had been completely corrupted; therefore he did not drink it. Their piercing his side symbolized that they utterly annihilated everything true and everything good in the Word.

Heavenly Secrets 9127 Condensed “Shedding blood” in the Word symbolizes doing violence to … Love itself.  Anyone who does violence to God’s Word does violence to the Love within, since the truth in the Word is wedded so closely to Love that the one does not exist without the other. Therefore if violence is done to the one it is also done also to the other.

[2] A person who has no awareness of the internal meaning of the Word can only think that ‘blood’ in the Word means blood, and that ‘shedding blood’ simply means killing someone. But the internal meaning of the Bible does not teach about the life of a person’s physical body, but about a person’s spiritual life.

Genesis 37: 12-24

Now his brothers went to pasture their father’s flock near Shechem. And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers and with the flock, and bring me word.” So he sent him from the Valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem. And a man found him wandering in the fields. And the man asked him, “What are you seeking?” “I am seeking my brothers,” he said. “Tell me, please, where they are pasturing the flock.” And the man said, “They have gone away, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them at Dothan.

They saw him from afar, and before he came near to them they conspired against him to kill him. They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer. Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits.  Then we will say that a fierce animal has devoured him, and we will see what will become of his dreams.” But when Reuben heard it, he rescued him out of their hands, saying, “Let us not take his life.” And Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood; throw him into this pit here in the wilderness, but do not lay a hand on him”—that he might rescue him out of their hand to restore him to his father. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, the robe of many colors that he wore. And they took him and threw him into a pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it.

Luke 22:1-6

It was almost time for the Jewish Festival of Unleavened Bread, called the Passover.  The leading priests and teachers of the law wanted to kill Jesus. But they were trying to find a quiet way to do it, because they were afraid of what the people would do.

One of Jesus’ twelve apostles was named Judas Iscariot. Satan entered him, and he went and talked with the leading priests and some of the soldiers who guarded the Temple. He talked to them about a way to hand Jesus over to them.  The priests were very happy about this. They promised to give Judas money for doing this.  He agreed. Then he waited for the best time to hand him over to them. He wanted to do it when no one was around to see it.

Know yourself, and become a blessing

"Go forth from your country, your clan and your parents' house and become a blessing for all the families of the earth." (Gen 12:1)

"Lech lecha," the Hebrew command to "go forth" also means to "walk towards yourself."

So this journey is both outward and inward,

freeing yourself from the conditioning of nationality, tribe, ethnicity, race, gender and religion

and devoting yourself to being a blessing--

a catalyst for justice and compassion

to ALL the families of the earth, human and creation. 

~Rabbi Rami Shapiro~

It keeps coming down to the same thing. 

 

Promoting world peace, compassion, and enlightened relationships starts and ends with me. 

(And YOU.)  

It starts with individual, personal, spiritual work FIRST, which then manifests in effective change in the world.  I must "know myself"---all my vulnerabilities, sensitivities, and "character defects" as well as my gifts, strengths, and areas of shining effectiveness, if I wish to be a blessing.  

I must leave my comfort zone, of feeling inferior.  

I must leave my comfort zone of feeling superior.

I must leave my comfort zone of being sure I have all the answers.

I must leave the comfort zone to which I retreat when I feel too stupid for words.

I must be open and honest, not hiding and manipulative.  

I must accept responsibility but not blame, and be willing to assign responsibility without blaming.  (Blame includes a condemning, dehumanizing quality that presumes the superiority of the blamer.)

So long as I hide, because I am ashamed, I am giving power to the lie that others are better than me.  So long as I believe the lie that I am superior, I invite those for whom I harbour contempt to hide and feel ashamed.

There is a third way that is without hierarchy.

It involves humility and humour, frankness and forgiveness, confession and compassion.  It involves a willingness to lead from my strengths without apology, and to ask for help in my areas of weakness without shame.

I must know myself WELL, in all my beauty and brokenness, and recognize how deeply lovable I am ANYWAY, to help the world manifest that wisdom too.

Do you see yourself completely and love yourself anyway?  (No airbrushing.  No strategic drapings.)  It takes work!

I know that when I can see myself completely, and not allow fear of my unlovability to cloud my vision, I will be my most effective in loving others and intuiting ways to contribute.  I will be a blessing.

And when many of us can do this, the world changes.

peace,

Rev. Alison 

The Golden Arrow, or How Our Poverty Can Reveal Our Richness

My reflections today spring from a Henry Nouwen quote:
‎
"How can we embrace poverty as a way to God when everyone around us wants to become rich? Poverty has many forms. We have to ask ourselves: 'What is my poverty?' Is it lack of money, lack of emotional stability, lack of a loving partner, lack of security, lack of safety, lack of self-confidence? Each human being has a place of poverty. That's the place where God wants to dwell! 'How blessed are the poor,' Jesus says (Matthew 5:3). This means that our blessing is hidden in our poverty.We are so inclined to cover up our poverty and ignore it that we often miss the opportunity to discover God, who dwells in it. Let's dare to see our poverty as the land where our treasure is hidden." ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

In my youth and early adult years I was lucky enough to have repeated exposure to safe places to express and be my whole self, with all my vulnerabilities and insecurities, without shaming or correcting---just unconditional support.  Not only was every part of my journey accepted and affirmed, but the others in the group also showed up with their whole selves.  Yes, there were sometimes those who withheld and hid, but they were accepted even in their hiding.  And I saw how much they missed out on the beauty and strength and openness life offers when we can be our whole selves with each other without shame.  Therein lies sacredness.  Therein lies richness and great beauty.

What were these spaces?  They were intentional small groups. I have found them in a church camp in the woods, in a specialty counselling course in a practitioner's office, and in 12 step meetings.  That level of sacred safety has happened even in book clubs (it depends a great deal on the leadership).  In fact, I believe it occurs spontaneously in every small group that follows certain protocols.

As the Nouwen quote above says, we tend to run from such vulnerability in this culture. It feels counter-intuitive. Instead, we hide our weaknesses even from ourselves, so uncomfortable can it be to look at our own poverty, let alone know that others see it too.

But my most sacred encounters have come through and only through following the thread of the pain and looking with honesty at the wound or lack that is discovered.  In fact, it is not the weakness or "sin" that is ever the problem, it is the denial of it and the hiding of it, the minimizing and explaining away of it that is the real problem.    Hiding and covering up the source of the disease only compounds the disease.  No problem can be addressed, no wound cleaned and bandaged, no broken connection mended if all the energy is spent on covering it up.

But it is no wonder we hide and continue to try to project an image of stability and security to the world. This culture praises "success" and blames and shames "failure." Who would want to invite that blaming and shaming?

There is a third way.  I have seen it and felt it and lived it.

There can be strength revealed when admitting weakness.  It is a sign of great inner integrity to own ones part in failures.  But most of all, I am here to testify that when I do these things in a community of others who do these things, I feel more connected to, cared for, and compassionately delighted with my fellow human beings.  I feel hope, not despair.

In contrast, the culture of competition in appearing successful combined with criticism of those who are struggling only brings out my worst.  I become more critical, more afraid, and more desperate to hide my own weaknesses. It is a house of cards, and no fun. And it is a false dream, because no one is perfect.

So today I choose again for honest vulnerability, no matter who is telling me that that is a bad idea. I have experienced differently.  I know which path leads me to my better self.

If you want to be part of such a sacred experience and learn how to create such a safe place for others (and live in the Kitchener-Waterloo region of Ontario) contact me at rangerally@rogers.com.  I will be leading and teaching these things over the summer.

With thanks to Mark Andrew Alward of the The Loving Room Blog for sharing this Nouwen quote this morning.  http://markandrewalward.blogspot.com/ 

Be the love that you are

Alison