2024 Letter

This December, I am looking out at heavy snowfall while I listen to gentle Christmas music. I am sipping spiced eggnog coffee by Second Cup and feeling lots of joy. Sometimes the outer trappings of the world can make a big difference in how we feel, and right now, I am grateful to be feeling Christmassy.

I have another reason to be full of joy. The Church of the Good Shepherd, Swedenborgian, in Kitchener, Ontario has just installed me as their permanent pastor! It is a beautiful old church with a faithful core of members and non-members alike. The congregation is welcoming and affirming, and we fit each other well. Finally, after nine years of spotty employment, sometimes in the most basic jobs, I am employed again using my years of training and my skills. I am dusting off the advent wreath, pulling out my special nativity set and scarves in the four colours of Advent, and am back in my element creating worship for all the senses.

This will be my first Christmas apart from Sam who has chosen to go celebrate with his family in Tennessee. I got to see him for just over a week in November. As he is moving in with me by the fifteenth of January, I can wait that much longer to see him again. Pray for our ability to get him landed immigrant status in a short amount of time. Once he has that he can get medical care and find work.

Many pastors, along with many spiritual seekers, go through at least one (and sometimes several) crisis (crises) of faith. These crises can look like a scary thing to them and those around them. But the truth is that our faith is meant to mature and evolve, and sometimes this comes in the form of a crisis of faith. And if we don’t have a safe place to explore and express what is troubling us, it can be a very lonely thing to experience. And if those around us are frightened by our doubt, thinking we are “falling backward” they can go into high gear to try to talk us back into the skin we are shedding.

But growth often requires that we leave behind something that no longer fits us so as to take on new and better suited ideas, beliefs, and perspectives. We serve each other better if we hold a space for others to grow rather than to try to stuff others into a box that makes us comfortable. I have seen many friends go from true believers to agnostics to atheists, some to return to a community of faith again with a new understanding, some to stay atheist. Some of my atheist friends live lives that show a belief in being good and kind. Some of my “faith following” friends somehow still say racist things or hold exclusive beliefs. I feel more affinity with those who behave thoughtfully and kindly even if they are “atheist” than those who hold a church membership somewhere but speak cruel words and behave in cold, exclusive ways.

Swedenborg was all about the insides and underneath of things, not the outsides. The real or true aspect of a thing can be found in the underpinnings, not the surface. You can say you believe in Jesus, but scorn and hold contempt for the marginalized. The underlying sentiment is superiority, not love. You can say you are an atheist but work selflessly with your neighbours to find long-lasting solutions for those who struggle. The underlying sentiment is compassion and a sense of responsibility for those who struggle. Which is more Christ-like?

And so I am declaring that a crisis of faith is like the coming of the Lord Jesus as an infant on earth. Both are the beginning of a transformation. Both seem risky and vulnerable, and can even be threatened by those around who see only a threat. Christ’s birth was a lonely act for all involved. For Mary. For Joseph. For John the Baptist. For Jesus.

But a crisis of faith is looking toward a rebirth of a roomier understanding. Each crisis is so that we can develop a better-formed, more intelligent, and more compassionate way of being. Though fear, childhood wounds, and a restrictive environment can stunt our growth, we are designed to grow in wisdom and love. Sometimes that is lonely and scary. But it is never outside of providence. “Fear Not” say the angels. This is good tidings, and you are not alone.

Those are my reflections this year. As I begin to develop a class called “Explorations” for spiritual seekers (on Zoom this coming January, date/time TBD) I am reflecting on the topic of faith development and how it can be messy and gooey, like birth. It can look dramatic and even dangerous, but it is how we enter new stages of spiritual evolution. And it is beautiful. Come explore with us.

May you find a warm and safe manger in which to lay your newly birthed spiritual awakenings. May you be filled with innocence and joy and peace this holiday season, and watch for those deeply good “underpinnings” all around you. A New Light comes. We don’t have to be afraid.

My family continues to do pretty well. My oldest daughter, Jennie, and her dear husband, Ryan, are doing as well as they can given Ryan’s recovery-resistant long-Covid. We pray every day for returning strength and resilience for him. Make it so! My daughter, Eden, and her husband continue to grow their practices as Osteopathic Manual Practitioners while they raise two active and vibrantly alive young girls.

Jordan, having been laid off from work in the Spring is increasingly stressed by his inability to find another job. I know many like him, also laid off in the economic downturn. I know all too well the terrible stress of chronic unemployment. Please pray for him to find a job that suits him and in which he will thrive, soon!

So from our house(s) to yours, we send deep love and hope for good fortune no matter what is going on in the world. The human race is careening around and things feel very unstable now. But this, too, shall pass. Feel ALL the feelings. Rage against whatever feels worthy if you need to. And remember that even this shall pass.

You are LOVED.

From AliSam, soon to be reunited!

Spiritual Exoskeletons and Endoskeletons - Which One Describes You?

This is part of my "grand unified theory" (ala Malcolm Gladwell) about the development of human spirituality. It is based on the work of Jonathan Heidt, James Fowler, Emanuel Swedenborg, Jean Piaget, and many other thinkers in the world of spirituality. (Yes. I believe that our morality is one face of our spiritual development.) This includes Object Relations theory as well.

James Fowler, author of The Stages of Faith (summarized here, though I believe people stay in the earlier stages of faith far longer than this optimistic projection) has built a model of spiritual development that echoes Jean Piaget's stages of psychological development. A developmental model of spirituality makes immediate sense to me, as we already speak of spiritual "growth." We develop physically, emotionally, psychologically, morally, and in all other ways. Spirituality is developmental too; how could it not be?

The main focus of my interest today is the shift between stage three (Synthetic-Conventional) (exoskeleton) and stage four (Individuative-Reflective) (endoskeleton) according to James Fowler. I know for myself that this shift reached a crisis point in my early forties. It dovetailed with a probable mid-life crisis. My trust in and reliance on my childhood faith had taken too many blows. I was being existentially ejected from (birthed from?) identification with that religious denomination. The process took years and was deeply painful. Another soul who was undergoing a similar birthing likened it to the process of becoming a butterfly after one has been a caterpillar.

"This is where things get crazy and kind of disgusting. The caterpillar does not simply rearrange itself into a butterfly or moth. It takes much more than that. The caterpillar starts to digest itself! That’s right, it releases enzymes that start to liquify almost the entire caterpillar. If you were to cut open a cocoon during this stage, a liquid caterpillar smoothie would ooze out." Mike Szydlowski, The Columbia Tribune, Oct. 2021

Goo

We found this analogy apt. It was NOT comfortable. Emanual Swedenborg would say that this shift is from "historical faith" to "living faith."

"There must be, for Stage 4, a relocation of authority to within the self. While others and their judgments will remain important to the Individuative-Reflective person, their expectations, advice and counsel will be submitted to an internal panel of experts who reserve the right to choose and who are prepared to take responsibility for their choices."  James Fowler, Stages of Faith

A Barrier Between Stages Three and Four

The shift from three to four can be very painful, especially if one has been in a denomination that requires its members to stay in stage three. Stage three relies on an outside authority. It relies on obedience and compliance within its membership. This outside authority serves as a spiritual exoskeleton to the membership. All of us require this stage as part of our development. It enables us to grow our spiritual core (endoskeleton), the place from which we can discern, sift, and organize our own authentic spirituality.

All denominations that need stage three adherents see this shift as a threat. Members who question the legitimacy of the teachings and rules threaten the leaders' authority. Eventually, these members vote themselves out of involvement as they realize their inability to change the denomination. Depending on the level of cult dynamics in the denomination, this ejection from the group can be hugely isolating, disillusioning, and painful. One can lose a sense of belonging in an otherwise cohesive and interconnected "family." The leaders generally invalidate the pain of such members and see their departure as "trimming dead wood." (I have heard this spoken explicitly.)

Exoskeleton

In truth, those who manage to launch from such a denomination are the living wood, and can eventually find root within a group that welcomes stage four spirituality. (I have found a home in a Unitarian Universalist congregation.) But many stay alone and isolated, unwilling to trust again or otherwise unable to find a new spiritual home. They are suffering from spiritual trauma and abandonment.

Endoskeleton

This shift from an authority-based faith to a living, inwardly reflective faith is part of our healthy spiritual growth. Our spirits call us to grow to this level and beyond. Unfortunately, many religious denominations see this shift as heresy, disobedience, rebellion, and "falling" from grace. These groups tend to punish, shun, vilify, and cast out such members. No wonder it can be hard to leave!

As those of us who have left such groups tend to remain isolated, we can be unaware of the huge and growing body of people on a similar path. If only we had a way to form our own, mutually supportive spiritual communities. Yet we tend to be gun-shy of belonging again.

I believe that authentic, unhampered spiritual growth requires that we make this shift. We are designed to think for ourselves based on years of spiritual work and learning from others.  We are built to continue growing spiritually, constantly deepening and adding greater nuance to our understanding. But we also need a spiritual community. Such supportive and non-dictatorial communities exist out there. They are just hard to find. They tend to mind their own business.

Do you rely heavily on outside authorities and some declared text as literally the Word of God? Then you are probably in an exoskeleton stage of spirituality. There is nothing wrong with this stage, but we are meant to evolve beyond it.

Do you think for yourself, incorporating years of experience, thought, and observation into how you understand the human condition and our responsibilities to each other? Then you are probably in an endoskeleton stage of spirituality.

Do you do some of both? Do you feel wobbly and insecure about what to think and whom to trust? Then you are probably in transition.

All of these stages are normal. This model is not to be used to judge others but to assess oneself and understand others.