What doesn't kill you....

...just makes you wish you were dead.





In tribute to the Very Bad Day I'm having, and with the help of http://www.despair.com/,





I bring you, I hope, some humour.







Yay.

With thanks to the US government....

The US economy's failure is having a cascade of consequences for us peasants. My husband is looking for work again. His little company just handed out the last paychecks for who knows how long.

Is there somebody I can punch?

See the article below by CBC's Henry Champ:

Lawmakers fume at excess of failed firm's execs

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 03:27 PM ET

By Henry Champ

(The full article is here:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/reportsfromabroad/champblog/2008/10/eyebrowraising_excess_at_the_t.html )

"Just when you thought you'd heard it all on the U.S. financial crisis...
You'll remember that $85-billion US taxpayer loan to the American International Group (AIG). That was made on Sept. 16. In return, AIG surrendered 79.9 per cent of its stock to the government.

Less than a week later, the company's executives, clearly to ease the mental strain they had been undergoing, pitched up at the exclusive St. Regis Resort at Monarch Beach in California.
It's not easy running a once-profitable insurance company into the ground, then waiting nervously for taxpayers to bail you out. The resort allowed these men and women to pull themselves together.
Unfortunately for some, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform got some copies of the bill.
In one week, AIG executives spent $440,000. There was $200,000 for rooms. Another $150,000 in food, $23,000 at the spa, $1,400 at the salon and $7,000 in green fees. Then there is the old favourite, the bar tab, which topped out at $10,000.
"They were getting facials, their manicures and their massages, while the American people were footing the bill," Maryland Democrat Elijah Cummings fumed during the oversight committee hearing."

"Now for the kicker.
Joe Cassano was president of AIG's financial products division. That's the group that trafficked in credit-default swaps (CDS). It was this trading that most analysts say brought down the insurance giant.
Under the terms of his contract, the committee heard yesterday, Cassano and his executive colleagues were paid 30 cents on every dollar these CDS products made. All told, Cassano made $280 million running this division, a fact that raised the ire of many lawmakers.
Ruining is perhaps a better word than running, since the division lost $11 billion, which led to the near-collapse of the company. Cassano was fired Feb. 29 of this year, but was allowed to keep $34 million in bonuses.
How can anyone receive a bonus for this kind of track record?
The horror story does not stop here. Cassano was then kept on as an AIG consultant at a salary of $1 million a month. That's not a typo. One million dollars a month.
Committee members asked why. The response, from former CEO Martin Sullivan: "I wanted to retain the 20-year knowledge of the transactions."

"Sadly, the committee hearings will get less attention than the second presidential debate, which by any standard was a disappointment. The town-hall rules that governed this debate left no possibility of followup questions.
As a result, when Obama suggested AIG should be forced to repay taxpayers for the resort/spa fiasco and the company's executives should be fired for authorizing the retreat, McCain ignored the issue, and it died."

Hmmm. It's hard to say just how it feels to lose our income and well-being and possibly our house so that some of the ultra-rich can be bailed out and get massages and facials for all their trauma....

Deracinated

I do love CBC radio. Yesterday's show called "Q" gave me a great new word.
Deracinated.
Many people in a lifetime are deracinated.
I certainly have been deracinated.
Have YOU been deracinated?

All the words spoken at Mom's service

The music was absolutely beautiful.
The talk and readings speak for themselves.

RESURRECTION SERVICE FOR BARBARA SMITH
by Rev. Robert S. Junge
Sept. 16, 2008

Readings

How amiable are Thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts! My soul longeth, yea even fainteth for the courts of the Lord: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God. Yea the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself where she may lay her young, even thine altars, O Lord of hosts, My King and my God. Blessed are they that dwell in Thy house; they will be still praising thee. Selah. ( Psalm 84:1-4)

The life of a man after death is the life of his love, and the life of his faith, consequently such as has been his love and such as has been his faith, during life in the world, such his life remains forever. (AC 10596)

It is impossible to enumerate the employments in the heavens…In the heavens as on the earth there are many forms of service …Each one has his particular charge … But however many there may be that are so employed, they are all in the delight of their work and labor from a love of use, and no one from a love of self or of gain. (HH 387, 388, 392, 393)

Those that are in heaven are continually advancing towards the spring of life, with a greater advance towards a more joyful and happy spring the more thousands of years they live; and this to eternity, with increase according to the growth and degree of their love, charity, and faith. Women who have died old and worn out with age, if they have lived in faith in the Lord, in charity to the neighbor, and in happy marriage love with a husband, advance with the succession of years more and more into the flower of youth and early womanhood, and into a beauty that transcends every conception of any such beauty as is seen on the earth. (HH 414)

O sing unto the Lord a new song: sing unto the Lord, all the earth. Sing unto the Lord, bless His name; shew forth His salvation from day to day. (Psalm 96:1-2)

Gladness of heart is especially expressed by a song, because in a song gladness breaks forth as it were of itself into sound. … The angels also who were with the men were at the same time in the glorification of the Lord, consequently they who sang and they who heard the songs, had heavenly gladness from the holy and blessed influx which flowed in from heaven, in which they seemed to themselves to be as it were taken up into heaven. Such an effect had the songs of the church among the ancients. Such an effect also they would have at this day; for the spiritual angels are especially affected by songs which are about the Lord, His kingdom, and the church. That the songs of the church had this effect, was not only because by them gladness of heart became active…but also because there is a glorification of the Lord in the heavens by means of choirs, and thus by the harmonious music of many… (AC 8261)

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord He is God: it is He that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise; be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations. (Psalm 100)

As heaven is from the human race, and angels therefore are of both sexes, and from creation woman is for man and man is for woman, thus the one belongs to the other, and this love is innate in both, it follows that there are marriages in heaven as well as on the earth. (HH 366)

What man who has loved his wife, and his infants and children, does not say within himself when they are dying, or have died, if he is elevated above the sensual things of the body, that they are in God’s hand, and he will see them again after his own death, and will be conjoined with them again in a life of love and joy? (CL 28)

And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. And both Jesus was called and His disciples to the marriage. And when the wine was lacking, the mother of Jesus says to Him, They have no wine. Jesus says to her, What is it to Me and to thee, woman? My hour is not yet come. His mother says to those ministering, Whatever He shall say to you, do. And there were set there six water-pots of stone, after the manner of the purification of the Jews, containing two or three measures apiece. Jesus says to them, Fill the water-pots with water. And they filled them up to the top. And He says to them, Draw out now, and bring to the chief of the feast, and they bore it. And when the chief of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was (but those ministering who drew the water knew), the chief of the feast calls the bridegroom, and says to him, Every man first sets forth good wine, and when they are drunken, then the lesser; but thou has kept the good wine until now. This beginning of signs did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory, and His disciples believed in Him.

O sing unto the Lord a new song; for He hath done marvelous things… Make a joyful noise unto the Lord all the earth (Psalm 98:1. 4)

* * * * * * *

We come together to commemorate the life of our dear friend Barbara Smith. The memory of all the people that she loved and the things she stood for in this world helps us to raise our affection and thought to who she is and the uses she is taking up as she enters eternal life. Yet the more we learn to think spiritually the more our commemoration becomes rather a celebration of the Lord and the tender care of His Providence. He has been with her from birth, developing her thoughts and affections each step of the way. And He will continue to be with her, as He will continue to be with us. He will always be there to support our love for her and her reciprocating love for us.
To see some of the reasons for celebration we turn to the familiar story of the Lord’s first miracle in this world. Even as the disciples and the mother of Jesus gathered at that marriage long ago in Cana, so we gather as a church and we pray that as Jesus was with them He will be with us.
All of us pass through times when we feel drained spiritually. We feel empty. The wine of spiritual understanding has run out. And so we read, “The mother of Jesus says to Him, They have no wine.” But what is needed is not belief in the limited human taken from Mary, which the Lord put off, but rather faith in the Human, which the Lord put on from the Divine. The Soul of that Divine Human is Love itself. (Lord 35:4) That is the very love we need to sustain us today. Not merely human thought and feeling, not focusing on ourselves, but looking to the Lord and the Divine purpose of HIS love – a heaven from the human race.
The Lord calls Mary “woman,” to bring this distinction home. When we feel drained we need to put our confidence in the Lord Himself, in His Divine power to help, and particularly in His infinite love. “(The peace we seek) has in it confidence in the Lord, that He directs all things, and provides all things, and that He leads to a good end. When a man is in this faith, he is in peace, for he then fears nothing, and no solicitude about things to come disquiets him. A man comes into this state in proportion as he comes into love to the Lord.” (AC 8455)
But Mary does not seem to understand. Such confidence does not come in a moment. It seems far from us. Filling the void takes obedience and service. Mary responds as we must learn to, “Whatever He shall say to you, do.” As individuals and collectively as a Church, we know states of summer and states of winter, states of emptiness and rich states of fullness. But in the church or in its individual members only loyal obedience to the truth of the Word can open the way for love to flow in and rekindle our hearts.
Barbara loves her family, her 5 children, her 19 grandchildren, and 13 great grandchildren. In reaching out to her family and friends in states high and low Barbara’s answer seems to have been like Mary’s, “Whatever the Lord says to us in His Word, we must do.” We must recognize the voice of our Shepherd so that He can lead and provide but His leading comes from and supports love like the love Barbara feels for her husband, her family, and her friends. And love being reciprocal shares AND accepts. It gives and receives. As a parent Barbara learned that to teach effectively one must also listen effectively. True confidence can only come to us as a communion of friends or as individuals when together we learn to say of the Word, “It is so.”
Such allegiance to the truth may at times come across as zeal, particularly to those who do not see the issues clearly. It may seem at times tenacious, blunt, or abrupt. But such loyal obedience is an essential foundation for spiritual understanding. When we give our free consent to be lead by the Lord, miracles can and will follow.
Internal friendships grow up where there is that common allegiance to the Lord and an eager desire to learn the teachings of His Word and to live by them. It is often noted at reunions that such friendships seem to just pick up where they left off. The truth is that they have been sustained by common loves and beliefs that are beyond time and space. There are many such friends in the other world ready and eager to welcome Barbara. The sphere of that reunion will dwarf those we know here, for the internal bonds of support and love will be even more manifest.
But such reunions depend upon more than simple obedience. Through such things as regular reading of the Word and family worship our memories like the water pots in the story may become filled with knowledges even to the top. We may not see how to apply much of what we have learned. But we know that in going regularly to the Word we are doing what the Lord has told us to do.
Later the time comes when we draw out one serving at a time. For the sake of serving others -- for the sake of use! When we draw out that knowledge little by little, and share it in life, it becomes spiritually true with us. We see its lasting value. The Lord in His wisdom has not set forth the good wine first, but rather saved it until we have learned to serve and cooperate with Him. Then the truth can be appropriated to us for our use both here and in heaven. It is appropriated because we have cultivated a deep affection for it.
Musical art expresses affection (HH 241:e). As an expression of affection in its own way music mirrors the expression of affection we seek in life. When confronted with a new piece of music we put our confidence in it and in effect say to ourselves, whatever this score says we will do it. We put our confidence in the integrity of the composer, even as in life we put our confidence in the Lord. In the beginning we pay close attention to just what the notes say; we simply obey them. But if we really enter into the composer’s love, and really try to draw out what he has in mind, the music becomes an expression of love. We even say that the music plays us. When it does, it enables us to communicate affection to our neighbor in a special way.
Barbara loved to share her gift of a beautiful voice with others. She treated it as a gift from the Lord, and used the music she loved to communicate affection for Him. Many of us recall the inspiration of her voice in regular worship, on occasions such as this, or at marriages. She particularly loved those songs where the affectional tones of the music were married to the Divine wording of the Scriptures. Her singing was not a performance but a gift from the heart. Though the time came when she could no longer sing, her love of music never waned. That love, as all her loves, is still with her. We can imagine her giving voice to it again, where all make a joyful noise unto the Lord, and serve Him with gladness.
But not all music is religious. Sometimes Barbara lent her voice to express humor in musicals or plays. We can take ourselves too seriously. We need the re-creative balance that humor provides. Humor and entertainment have their place in heaven, restoring the mind and heart for a return to active service to the neighbor. And Barbara is taking a good sense of humor with her to the other world.
The pattern in music is the human pattern of growth. It involves step-by-step learning to express and share love with others. There is a similar pattern in marriage for true marriage love grows together with religion. When we do whatever the Lord says, and we draw out and apply whatever we see clearly in His Word, then He can provide even to such as us, states of innocence and peace. And we can walk confidently with our partners feeling an inmost friendship, which cannot even be compared to other friendships. But married partners also need to be able to laugh together. For example, they need to see the humor in their children’s behavior even as they try to touch their hearts with thought and trust in the Lord.
But growing marriages also know times when the relationship is spiritually drained. Such times can, if we let them, stimulate us to recognize our need for the Lord. Very early we need to learn to bring the Lord into our marriages – not our limited human notions of how we would like Him to be, not a Mary human, but the Lord Jesus Christ, in His Divine Humanity. We may not see Him clearly, but we must see enough to inspire the confidence that says, “Whatever He says, we will do it in our marriage.”
It is touching for us to learn that Barbara’s last word in this world was, “Marlyn.” It reminds us that when two people really love each other, it is only the appearance that one has gone before the other. We read, “The two are still not separated, after the death of the one, since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with the spirit of the one not yet deceased, and this even until the death of the other, when they meet again, and reunite themselves, and love each other more tenderly than before because in a spiritual world.” (CL 321) This is what the Lord says to us, and with reflection this tells us what to do when one partner is called before the other. It is really a call to keep on trying to do what they have been trying to do all along. We are taught that weeping means the last farewell as when we weep at the death of one we love, even though we know that they are still alive in the other world (see AC 4565).
When one partner sheds their natural body like a glove it can, for a time leave the other partner feeling spiritually drained, empty, alone and even useless. But the answer to that feeling is the same as it has always been when their partner was here: Look to the Lord TOGETHER. There is every reason to keep on trying to respond to Mary’s words and do whatever the Lord says. And there is every reason to keep on filling our memories with regular reading from His Word. We read, “When a man who has heavenly love reads the Word, he is through it conjoined with heaven, and through heaven with the Lord, whereby he has enlightenment and instruction.” (AC 9382:3) Reading the Word and applying it brings the presence of the angels and we believe the presence of the special one he loves. There is every reason to draw out from the storage pots of our memories whatever we see clearly and apply it to serve others. That will lead to enlightenment and instruction.
Similarly “if a man prays from love and faith… there then comes forth in the prayer something like a revelation which is manifested in the affection of him that prays, as to hope, consolation, or a certain inward joy.” (AC 2535) Manifest in affection! Which comes from his association with those in the other world. Such a person will discover that he is not really empty, alone, or useless.
Every detail of human life is under the loving care of the Lord and can be turned to good. The Lord has permitted or provided a state where the spirits of two who love each other dwell together even though physically separated by death. Despite the appearance of separation, in the eyes of Providence that state is to be constructive and turned to lasting use. We read, “When married partners tenderly love each other they have the eternal in their thoughts respecting the covenant, and nothing at all of its end by death; and if they think of this they grieve, and yet in thought are comforted with the hope of its continuance after death.” (CL 216) For those who love each other there is one continuous path of life, and the Lord will show it to them and strengthen them in it every step of the way.
The Lord has a miracle in store for those who become faithful servants – a miracle like that long ago in Cana. The good wine saved until the last, will never diminish. As their understanding and love for the Lord grows together, the miracle of eternal life will become a reality for them. And in harmony together they will sing a new song in the Lord’s name.

Mommy....

Barbara Alice Merrell Smith

Sept 12, 1932 - Sept 13, 2008

I'll miss you, Mom.

It's my mommy, and I'll cry if I want to....

Wow. That was fast. For most of her life, when mom got an idea into her head, she was off like a jack-rabbit to act on it. It was part of the difficulty as she grew less and less able---she forgot to take things slowly. Then she'd fall. It was her last big fall that did it. She just couldn't bounce back from that one.

I don't know how much mom realized she was leaving. But she sure went quickly, when the time came! I had begun to pack to go see her when the call came. Dad and the two oldest siblings were with her. One moment she was there; the next, she was not.

So, we cry.

Grieving is such a personal thing. I don't think our culture is very comfortable with it. I've gotten a few, "Don't cry. She's happy now," messages, which puzzle me.

Crying is a normal, healthy response to loss. It just comes when it comes. And when it is done, it stops, and I get on with what I was doing.

"Don't cry," seems like such a strange thing to say. I find, "Awww. Yeah. Let it out..." much more helpful.

Don't remind me that she's happy now and free of pain. I know that. That very good thing doesn't cancel out or negate the loss. Both are true. I alternate between tremendous relief knowing that she is free, and big sobs of the shock of it all. no matter how much we wanted her free of pain, it means she is gone. Period.

My mommy is gone. There. Then not there. Poof. Just like that. It is a shock.

So I'll cry if I want to.


"Love and Gratitude"
by Shirley Holzer Jeffrey

The agony is so great...
And yet I will stand it.
Had I not loved so very much,
I would not have hurt so much.
But goodness knows I would not
Want to diminish that precious love
By one fraction of an ounce.
I will hurt.
And I will be grateful to the hurt,
For it bears witness to
The depth of our meaning
And for that, I will be
Eternally grateful.

“Why Is My Pain Unceasing?” - Dealing With Despair

I preached this sermon, thinking it was not one of my better ones.
Afterwards, several people told me it was just what they needed to hear and very good. Who knew? God was doing some good work despite me.

So, as many folks I know and love are going throught some pretty rough stuff, I will post this.
I dedicate it to my mom, who is in the process of leaving this world.


“Why Is My Pain Unceasing?” - Dealing With Despair
Jeremiah 15:15–21, Matthew 16:21–28
By Alison Longstaff
St. James Lutheran Church, New Dundee, Ontario
Sunday, August 31, 2008


One nice thing about pain is that it feels so good when it stops.

The reason my pain is unceasing is that I recently started Ashtanga yoga, and I can barely move. But that is not why we are here today.

In our Scripture readings, we heard a lot about suffering. We heard a pain-filled cry to God to end the suffering in Jeremiah. In the gospel reading, Jesus is warning the disciples about the terrible suffering he will endure. Peter objects, and Jesus shouts at Peter, “Get behind me, you Satan!” in a shocking, very un-Jesus like moment. He says, “You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.”

Peter was the voice of the tempter when he declared that such suffering and death should never happen to Jesus. Jesus knew it was imperative to focus on the spiritual work about to be accomplished and not on the suffering. He had to focus on His Divine mission and not be distracted. Perhaps Peter was the voice of the demon attacking Jesus, trying to convince Jesus to opt out of the suffering. This would explain the intensity of the rebuke.

Jesus had to keep his eyes set on the Divine to accomplish his mission.

Life on this earth includes suffering. Even here in North America, with our health-care and insurance policies, relative wealth and myriad safety measures, we can’t seem to escape suffering. We often think we shouldn’t have to suffer. We keep creating more ways to protect ourselves, as if constant comfort and total security were the answer to all our problems.
So why are we still so restless and unhappy?

Some of the countries that rank highest for overall national happiness are places like Nigeria and Bhutan. What’s that about? Nigeria suffers from extreme poverty, and many people live in mud huts. How can they possibly be happier than us? Well, it seems they have a deep reliance on God. They are a very Christian country, and they live their faith in every way they can. They are desperately poor, yet they sing and pray and share the little they have with each other, and they are happy.

Toronto journalist Jonathan Power interviewed Olusegun Obasanjo, a Nigerian who became a Christian and a preacher after being unjustly imprisoned. In his three years of captivity, Obusanjo became a sort of chaplain to his fellow prisoners. He says, “The time I had real joy in my life was when I was in prison. I felt then that there was just God and me, and my fellow prisoners whom I must try and help." Extreme hardship robs us of everything- but God. Perhaps this is why some of the most loving and deeply spiritual people are also people who have suffered great hardship.

In the midst of the deepest suffering God becomes all we have left, and this breaks ground for a deep and rich faith to grow. I’m not saying we should all chuck our current lives and go live in a third-world country so as to really suffer so we can experience God. Suffering finds us, no matter where we live. I am saying that it is good to remember that suffering can be our greatest teacher. God wouldn’t allow anything to happen if it didn’t serve some purpose for good. So even the painful times in life---perhaps especially the painful times---are carefully overseen by God to deepen us and eventually bring us joy.

My one objection to books and philosophies like The Secret and A Complaint-Free World is the way they can promote the idea that we are solely responsible for what happens to us in our lives. The idea is that if we cultivate a good attitude, we invite good things into our lives, and that we invite misfortune by having a bad attitude. The logical conclusion to this is that if we just work hard enough to have a great attitude, nothing bad will happen to us. But if it were true, those Indonesians must have had one bad attitude to invite that tsunami onto them. Every victim of every tragedy could be blamed for their misfortune. I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.

No, such a philosophy falls too easily into a judgmentalism toward the suffering. “It must be their fault. If only they were positive like me, they’d be okay.” This is a lie. It demonstrates a strong reliance on one’s own efforts for “salvation,” and no reliance on God.

My mom has been in chronic physical pain for over twenty-three years. She has fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis, which means “everything hurts.” And she has depression. (Well, duh. Poor thing. Who wouldn’t?) She’s on all sorts of medicines, which have their own strange side-effects and cause other problems. I don’t know how she manages. I can’t hack chronic pain for even a day. I get grumpy and whiney and can be very impatient when waiting for my next dose of pain reliever. But twenty-three years?! Did I mention that she also gets regular migraines? She has tried every treatment in the world, from steroids to vitamins to acupuncture to moose meat, and nothing helps.

I love her. I don’t want her to suffer. Sometimes I get really impatient with her. (Surely she’s doing something wrong!) I judge her for not trying hard enough or not trying the right things long enough. My judging comes from how hard it is to see her in pain. But my judging her never helps. My impatience never helps. Again and again, the best and only thing I can do for her is to love her to bits, and spend time with her, and believe with my whole heart that God has a plan. Period.

Have you ever heard someone say, in the midst of some awful situation, “I suppose God has a lesson for me,” as if he or she could stop the suffering, if they could just figure out what the lesson was and learn it? But I don’t think God works this way. I don’t think God ever sends suffering. I think God allows it sometimes, only when He can bring some long term good out of it for everyone involved.

Has my mom been suffering for twenty-three years because there is some lesson she is refusing to learn? I can’t believe that. She’s doing the best she can. She just got dealt a rotten hand. She didn’t invite this onto herself any more than my classmate’s two-year-old son invited death from liver cancer onto himself. Terrible stuff just happens.

Yes, a positive attitude can greatly improve certain aspects of our lives, and can spin off some nice side effects. Optimism and hope are our wings, and when we have them, they lift us up and over a multitude of life’s hurdles. But sometimes, through no fault of our own, our wings get plucked or broken. Sometimes a hoard of locusts swoops down on that rich and thick harvest of positive thinking and in a heart-beat, strips it to dead stalks. Sometimes we are left walking or crawling down life’s dusty road, not flying, experiencing every bump and ditch and thorn and mud puddle. “The rain falls on the just and on the unjust,” says God in the Gospels. Or, to quote contemporary wisdom, “Shit happens.”

So we must set our minds on divine things, and not on human things.

There is so much in this life over which we have no control. There are all sorts of forces at work around us, and we are far less powerful than we think. Our thoughts are not God’s thoughts. We want a happy, comfy life now. God wants us to have a happy, comfy life for eternity.

We are part of a great tapestry. Stuff that looks bad to our eyes now, is allowed to happen because God sees a bigger picture. But don’t forget, God isn’t some cold, distant artist. When we suffer, God suffers along with us. He knows what it is like to be a mortal. He was one, in Jesus. Jesus suffered to bring a much better outcome for everyone down the road. But, just the way the disciples couldn’t see why Jesus allowed Himself to suffer, we often can’t see why we or our loved ones are allowed to suffer. We can’t see God’s plan, but it is there.

Shit happens, and not all the positive thinking in the world save us from it. No one is that powerful, no matter what we’d like to think. All twelve steppers can tell you that powerlessness is the first and most important thing to learn. We have to embrace and face life on life’s terms, not ours. Facing our powerlessness throws us finally and completely into God’s arms.

“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?” Set your mind on divine things, and not on human things. Spiritual growth, personal growth involve finding our relationship with suffering, not avoiding it. Why else would God invite us to take up the cross to follow Him? Jesus fought through temptation after temptation on his journey to the cross. He showed us the way. He showed us that it will come out all right, no matter how hopeless it looks.

God loves us desperately. He doesn’t want us to suffer. But sometimes the most loving thing He can do for us is to let us have our experiences, good and bad. Eliminating the struggle for us eliminates the joy and triumph we will feel when we finally arrive at the finish line. Suffering draws out good qualities in us like endurance, stamina, and patience. It frequently teaches us compassion and opens us up to the Holy Spirit. It is like spiritual roto-tilling, breaking up old and set things about us, turning us upside down and making room for new and wonderful things to flow in.

Suffering helps us more fully appreciate the truly good things in life. It also teaches us how precious are the times of peace and good fortune. We don’t take them so much for granted. Suffering deepens us, whether we like it or not. And it reminds us who’s really in charge of the universe, and that it’s not us. It teaches us to trust in God; and to set our sights on divine goals and not on human ones.

For those of you who are in the midst of suffering, take heart. Every single thing in life is in God’s hands. Not one hair of your head falls without notice. No matter how long the night may seem, the morning always brings new hope.

"Why is my pain unceasing,
my wound incurable,
refusing to be healed?

…They shall not prevail over you,
for I am with you
to save you and deliver you,
says the LORD.
I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked,
and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless." (Jer. 18,21)

Amen

Nigeria: Happiest Nation on Earth?
by Jonathan Power, Published on Monday, December 29, 2003 by the Toronto Star

Yoga

So, my husband, Phil, started going to yoga. And as I'm not one to like being left out, I decided to join him. It's a good thing our teacher is so good- natured, because she has some pretty goofy, clumsy students on her hands now. She, of course, is slim and gorgeous, and looks fabulous in every pose, so I just pretend I look like her.
We go twice a week, and sweat like pigs (and look a little like pigs too). I think she won my heart, when at the end of the first class, she bent in a yogic bow honouring us and all her teachers, and as she bent low, she gave a little moan of pain....

Ahhh. She's human! Okay, I can work with her.

The first class was also filled with lots of skinny young things in spandex, and it took all my, "I'm beautiful just the way I am" self-talk to make it through the class. Since then, there have been a few older folks here and there, and students who show up in shorts and T-shirts, so that helps too.

And occasionally I can do something better than somebody else, which helps the bruised ego. Okay, yoga isn't about being better than others or looking good in spandex, or

being young; it's a spiritual discipline, that grows my relationship with myself and my body. But until I get really spiritual and ego-less, those are the things I notice the most.

So I've got lots of room for improvement. If you live in the Waterloo region and want

to take yoga from a great instructor, check out the teacher Asia Nelson. Or if you want to take the same class that I am, so you can definitely be with someone who won't make you insecure by how flexible and stylish I am, we take the Wednesday evening and the Saturday morning Ashtanga classes. http://www.pranalife.ca/.

Back on the Treadmill....Sigh!

Well, I'm home from two weeks of travelling and attending and giving presentations, and it's time for me to get back to work. I am definitely hitting the "Why am I doing this?" phase of the journey.

I'm tired. I'm just tired. I've started an on-line course for one of my final important credits, and the readings bore me, the discussion questions bore me, and I took one look at the next assignment and said out loud, "You're kidding. Do I have to!?"

I am not in the mood for esoteric discussions on the nature of God! It's not the professor's fault. It is study-fatigue.

So. This is what this journey looks like too. Boredom. Study fatigue. Flagging vision. I feel so DONE with the preparation. I just want to get out there and DO.

Thanks for loving me anyway.... This too shall pass.

Home again

Well, I'm home from the "Gathering Leaves" event in England. It was wonderful. I took absolutely no pictures, and am hoping that the many pictures my friends took will find their way to me eventually.

At the Newark airport, I looked up and rubbed my eyes to see dear friends Paul and Beryl Simonetti waiting for the same flight to England. After some mutual astonishment, we happily settled down together. Their seats ended up being right behind mine on the (packed and cramped) flight. They generously allowed me to share their rental car for the drive from Birmingham airport, and poor Paul patiently endured our cries of "turn here!" and "Close on the left!" and "Don't stop; we have the right of way!" etc. as we careened down the left side of the road and perilously navigated the high-speed round-abouts. (I think God creates special guardian angels just for foreign drivers on English soil.)

Purley Chase was wonderful, and I highly recommend it as a low-cost, warm, centrally located spring-off point for touring central England. Anne is a trained chef, and the food was fantastic. Purley also runs many spiritual retreats, and hosts events for reasonable rates. It is near Stratford and Warwick Castle, and many other sights. Tell them Alison Longstaff sent you.

Before our event, Paul and Beryl and I spent a lovely day at Warwick Castle, a wonderfully preserved medieval castle. We saw a show about eagles and hawks, full of dry British humour and real birds of prey. We climbed up some steep spirally stairs to a magnificent view across England. And we got thiroughly haunted by the resident ghost. Lots of fun.

I am now jet-lagged, and feeling much older than I am, but the trip was worth it.

With luck, more about the actual event later, with pictures.

Jolly England

I certainly have been lazy updating this blog.

I am fresh back from Convention and am now in the middle of England at Purley Chase Retreat Centre, preparing for the upcoming "Gathering Leaves" which starts on Friday.

http://www.purleychasecentre.org.uk/

It is green and wet and rainy, and the folks are lovely. It's just myself and the staff. (I'm very early.)

Coincidentally, I discovered Paul and Beryl Simonetti at the Newark airport, waiting to get on the same flight. They sat immediately behind me on the plane. We couldn't have planned it better. So I was saved having to find and ride two busses (and a lot of walking in the rain) because they offered me a ride in their rental car. Tomorrow we will go see Warwick (sp?) castle. They are at a B&B in the area.

I hope to take pictures, etc, but right now I'm surprised I can even finish these sentences....

The Mother Clothed with the Sun

(artwork by Anna K. Cole)

"The Mother Clothed with the Sun"
Alison Longstaff
Pentecost Sunday, May 11th, 2008
Church of the Good Shepherd
Acts 2: 1-4, Rev 12: 1-9,13-16

Well, I set myself a tall order when I accepted the preaching gig for today. There are three themes going on for us this week: first, it is Mother’s Day, which though secular, does have certain spiritual overtones; this is also Pentecost Sunday, which is celebrated throughout most of the Christian world and is considered the birthday of the Christian church; and finally, in connection to the birth of Christianity and uniquely Swedenborgian, we are beginning the build up toward the birthday of the New Church which happens in just over a month, and which Swedenborgians celebrate on the 19th day of June.

So, how do I combine Pentecost—with it’s rushing winds and tongues of fire—with gentle, loving Mothers’ Day and June 19th?

For me, the logical way to tie all of it together is with the image of the woman clothed with the Sun. In the text from the book of Revelation this woman gives birth, which makes her a mother—a mother clothed with the sun, making her perhaps one of the most beautiful mothers found in the Bible. She is clothed with the sun, which means (in Swedenborgian terms) that she radiates love. The natural sun is pure fire, and it represents God’s love to us: the same love that filled the disciples at Pentecost and urged them to go out and spread this love throughout the world. That is why tongues of fire appeared above their heads. They were lit from within by God’s love for the human race and all of creation. And that is why they could speak in every language, because God’s love crosses all cultural barriers and longs to sweep all peoples into his loving embrace.

So, who is this Mother Clothed with the sun, and what meaning does she convey? To start with, she probably represents the same thing that all princesses, damsels, and wise women represent in all the fairy tales—she represents all that is soft and beautiful, nurturing and life-giving in the human spirit. She represents all the gentleness, compassion, and tenderness that typify the archetypal Mother. No, we flesh and blood mothers never achieve such a perfection of gently beauty. We are clumsy and goofy and we get zits. We have PMS and bad hair days, and each of us has our emotional and spiritual stuff that we have to work through—which means we often fall seriously short of motherly perfection. But that’s not the point. We still honour motherhood, today and every day, for the loving care our mothers did achieve, and for that incredible, God-given, self-sacrificing love that we have all seen and long for and cherish in our human community.

In Swedenborg’s writings we discover that this Mother clothed with the Sun represents "the church." But be careful: "church" here does not mean the specific religious group we belong to or even more abstractly, organized Christian religion. The Mother clothed with the sun represents the great collective of all the good people on the earth who are trying to live good and conscientious lives. This collective crosses all denominational boundaries. And any one group that claims they are IT, has missed the boat. In particular, the woman clothed with the sun represents all those people who are able to incubate, nurture and give birth to a healthy, living understanding of what it means to live a life according to God’s Word, which means God’s love. Sometimes, that is you and me. And most specifically, this woman represents God’s love. She radiates such love that the only way to describe her is "clothed with the sun." Have you looked at the sun lately? It can be blinding in its brilliance.

So, in our story from Revelation we have a beautiful damsel in distress, she is in labour, which is probably the most vulnerable time ever in a woman’s life. And right then a dragon appears! (I hate it when that happens)—a big red one with seven heads and ten horns. This dragon’s sole intent is to eat up the tiny new baby. That’s just creepy. What is this dragon doing in God’s Word? What message is it telling us about our human struggle to become loving people? This dragon is identified as "Satan" which in Hebrew means "Tempter" or "Adversary." The dragon represents all the things that distract us from God’s love and make us afraid. The dragon is a natural side-effect of being born not omniscient, not omnipotent, and not omnipresent. We can’t help it. We just get afraid. We worry about things, and then we try to control things and manipulate people so that we won’t be hurt. And we tend to invent formulas and rules and we think they will be our salvation. We are scared of the dark, and we line up our defences so we’ll be safe. We can’t help but be sure that there is a monster under the bed. We are afraid to trust God. We are afraid to love. Loving can feel WAY too vulnerable.
God knew this is what we would do, and that’s why the dragon is in the story. It’s not a warning; it is just what we do while we are learning. The dragon continues to be in the story and cause problems until it is no longer in the story. Eventually we stop being afraid and we stop trying to control things and we open up to love. God knows this will happen too. That is why the dragon disappears from the story, never to be seen again. The dragon never wins. In the end, fear never wins.

There are many theories out in the world about this dragon, with most of them full of fear, and asserting that this dragon is or will be some specific earthly organisation at a set time in history doing some bad things. *Sigh.* The eternal and timeless nature of God’s love and God’s Word is never so limited and specific. God’s Word speaks to all humans of all time, and is uniquely designed to do so. No one story, not even one abstruse and fantastical prophecy in the Bible is secretly about helicopters or bar codes or which nation controls the land west of the Jordan river. God’s Word is incapable of being so limited. The Bible is about spiritual human dynamics. It is about the individual journey of the human heart towards God. It is about our struggle to learn to trust God and trust the process. We don’t need to be afraid of any story in the Bible. Even the number 666, or "the mark of the beast" is simply describing the nature of religion when it stops teaching love. When we are loving, we embody the best of what is human. But when we forget compassion and loving-kindness, when we think we need to be afraid and to judge and to make religion about rules and a certain lifestyle, we look more like a beast. We become inhuman. The number 666 is a simple spiritual representation of "getting it all wrong." 666 means we completely missed the boat. *Buzzer sound* "Try again. " And the beauty is, we can.

Yes, sometimes we are the beast. Sometimes we are the dragon, but God’s plan is for each of us eventually, finally, and completely to become a part of the enormous, beautiful, blindingly radiant woman clothed with the sun.

So, in our story, right on cue, the brave knight shows up to rescue the princess, or in this case, to rescue the new mother. There is a great battle with swords and everything. Swords are "truth" or in this case remembering that love and compassion are the heart of the life of religion. You and I battle the dragon with our swords when we hold fast to the thought, "I am to treat each person with loving respect because he or she is a child of God." Period. The dragon and his thinking would say something like: "There are the right sort of people and the wrong sort of people. I don’t respect the wrong sort because they believe such-and-such, or they wear such-and-such, or they like such-and-such.... Those people are the problem and I am okay so long as I reject them." I would guess we’ve all been on both the giving as well as on the receiving end of such an attitude from time to time. It is no fun. It does not feel good. It does not feel like God.
Fortunately, the dragon has no power over God’s love. It is finally cast out of "heaven" in the story, which means we eventually really, really learn that the fearful, judging way of doing religion doesn’t produce heaven in our lives. We really get that it doesn’t belong anywhere near heaven. That is when the dragon is cast out of heaven.

This arc in the Bible that tells the story of the Mother clothed with the Sun and the Great Red Dragon has a sort of muddled, repetitive nature to it. It seems like the dragon is cast out for good, only to show up again and make more problems. There’s something familiar-sounding in that. Isn’t that how it so often goes in our lives? We think we’ve licked something, and then it shows up again in a slightly new form and all the trouble starts again. That’s just the way things go on this epic journey. It’s not our fault. It’s the shape of things. Maybe it’s in the Bible, not to tell us we are losers, but to give us heart.

Remember, the Bible is also the story of the journey Jesus made on his path from human infant to Divine Human. That means even Jesus had to battle this spiritual dragon, and it didn’t want to go away for him either. I think we see it when the devil promises him "Just bow down to me, and all the world will be yours." It must have been very tempting to want to simply force us all to be good—to take control, to remove the process and zap us all into instant perfection. We can be so slow to learn! And we do such horrible things to each other in the process! We did such horrible things to Jesus. He must have been tempted to simply eliminate all the struggling and pain and suffering.

But He also knew that to do that would not be the most loving thing, though that can be hard for us to understand. Eliminating the struggle for us also eliminates the overwhelming joy and triumph we will feel when we finally reach the end of the race. This spiritual journey is a marathon, and it is worth every drop of sweat and every ounce of stamina and patience and endurance. It draws these qualities out in us, and teaches us compassion. Good things take time. Very good things take a very long time. If it wasn’t worth the time it takes, God wouldn’t have created it the way it is.

So, on this lovely Mother’s Day, celebrate all the forms of love in your life. Honour everyone who has "mothered" you on your journey—old and young, male and female. Celebrate all the ways this church and others have been a spiritual mother to your spiritual life. And celebrate the good home this church has made—that we make for each other here by trying our best to be as fair and loving as we can be. And on this Pentecost Sunday, let the love of God so shine in your life, that you—that we all—can be clothed with the sun, if only for a little while.
God’s blessing on us all on this Pentecost, Mother’s day Sunday. Amen.

"Though the human body is born complete in one moment, the birth of the human heart is an ongoing process. It is being birthed in every experience of your life. Everything that happens to you has the potential to deepen you. All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honour these possibilities."
-John O’Donohue- Anam Cara (pp 6,9)

This blasted cough!

When I committed to writing this blog, I committed to writing all the faces of my journey, even the less pretty ones.


Well, I have finished up two BIG sessions of training---my CPE and my six month internship---on pratically the same day, with great relief and triumph and excitement for the future! ("I will get my house clean and get in shape and catch up on my email and...")




And I promptly got obnoxiously, stubbornly SICK.






I descended into the cough from hell. Tickling, persistent, deep seated, exhausting. I cough and cough and cough and cough, feeling like I'm just, almost about to get at that tickling, and never quite satisfying it.

Agh!



I'm exhausted!

I'm so frustrated!

Nasal congestion joined the team and brought a sore throat along.
But it's the COUGH!




Somebody just shoot me.


I guess I need to make a lot of noise, and use up lots and lots of Kleenex.

I thought I had turned the corner Friday, but I'm back at it again today and wondering how much longer it can go on? I don't want to take anti-biotics, but I will if I have to. It's starting to remind me of when I had walking pneumonia....

Stink.

This is not what I wanted.

Internship farewell sermon: "I Believe"

“I Believe”
Alison Longstaff, March 30th, 2008
St. James Evangelical Lutheran Church
New Dundee, Ontario
Psalm 16; John 20:19-31


Today we heard the story of Thomas—of the famous “doubting Thomas” who needed to see and feel and touch the risen Lord, in order to believe in His resurrection. Doubting Thomas, the one who needed proof, the one who prompted God to say, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

Believe. Belief. What is belief? In our culture, we have come to define belief as “confidence in something’s accuracy.” It is a purely mental exercise which involves approval of something as true. “Belief” in Christian circles has taken on such an identification with the rightness of ideas that it has become pretty well divorced from our heart reality and how we live. Indeed, we Christians seem to be reduced quite easily to squabbles over minute differences in our theologies when we could be working in harmony to live and love better, to reduce the suffering on our planet. We seem to prefer to spend our time getting huffy and drawing up battle lines over our different theological interpretations. We kick the beggars into the ditch in order to make more room for us to fight. What ever happened to us beating our swords into plowshares?

Belief. The original meaning of “belief” was not so much about ideas or statements of truth as it was about love. The origins of the word “belief” can be traced back to Proto-Germanic, and it was based on a root word for love. The German word “liebe,” which means “love” comes from the same source. Indeed, “believe” could be translated into “be-love” which is much closer to what it really meant. It was about living what we loved. It was about committing to a way of life. The original Christians “believers” committed themselves to a life of love and service to their neighbours, not to a framework of theological theories. They committed to caring for the widows, the orphans, and the homeless because they loved the vision of a world transformed by such a life. They saw themselves in the homeless and widows, and they treated them as they would want to be treated. The way they lived was a commitment to the Golden Rule in every corner of their lives. How the meaning of the word “belief” has changed through the ages!

There is an old story from first century Palestine of a mischievous man who asked Rabbi Hillel, a famous rabbi of that time, to teach him Judaism while standing on one foot. So, while standing on one foot, Rabbi Hillel responded: "Don't do to others what you wouldn't have them do to you. That is all the Torah (God’s Word); all the rest is commentary.”
What a great story. I believe it speaks to all faiths of all time. Christianity can be simplified to the same basic tenet. It is about treating others as we would like to be treated.
What we are talking about is compassion. Compassion, which could be another translation for the “good will to all people” that is prophesied by the host of angels to the shepherds. Wouldn’t this indeed bring peace on earth, “good will to all people”? The Dalai Lama has stated: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” More than one scholar has observed that the fundamental uniting element of all the major world religions is the Golden Rule–to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. How would the world be different if only we all lived according to it!

Our rules and creeds and theological theories tend to divide us. Our hearts and love and human compassion tend to unite us. It is this realization that brings a whole new meaning to the Lord’s words to Thomas, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” It speaks to our tendency to be exclusive in our Christianity. It could be read as, “Blessed are those who have not met and come to love Jesus Christ as their Saviour and still have come to live a life of goodness and compassion.” Indeed, wouldn’t such people, be they Buddhist or Jewish or agnostic, by virtue of living the golden rule, find their lives and relationships transformed in blessed ways regardless of what religious organisation has their signature of membership? I would imagine their lives are certainly more peaceful than that of any Christian “believers” who are busy squabbling and fighting over points of dogma. Who would you say is more blessed?

And so it is with you and I, be we Swedenborgian or Lutheran or Baptist or Brethren, we will find we are blessed by living the Golden Rule, regardless of our denominational affiliation. People of faith the world over do not necessarily believe every word of their traditional creeds, but they belong because they long for a blessed life. They long for belonging, and for their lives to have meaning and purpose. We belong, because we need community and we long for meaning. Don’t we all, especially when we are feeling that our own efforts are getting us nowhere, long to believe that there is some transformative power for good in the universe that can set things right, because our efforts repeatedly fall short?

Author and speaker Karen Armstrong has found that when we commit to a spiritual way of living, we are transformed by that commitment and by the living of it. It is in the practice of living a way of love that brings transformation, that lets us glimpse God. It is through ministry to others that we can feel the sense of what is sacred. Just as we experience in the Holy Communion, a very mundane act can become transcendent, and we can feel God’s presence.

So, to believe, is to be love. “Believing” is not when I say with my lips how I understand God, but when I show with my hands and my feet how I understand God’s love in the world. Though this may sound very un-Lutheran, it isn’t at all. When we commit to living the Golden Rule, the process of doing so brings God’s grace into our lives. And I think every Lutheran would agree that confession of faith leads to a changed life, a kinder, more thoughtful, more intentional life—that they are not separate. My Lutheran classmates to a one say, if one’s lifestyle does not show God’s grace in action, one has not yet been transformed by it.

So, while our culture says “belief”means trust in certain ideas, we have seen that believing is not and cannot be separated from how we live and how we love. When we commit to living a compassionate or “Golden Rule” way of life, it changes us. Even when we are not sure if we “believe” as our parents or teachers say we should, living as if we believe opens our hearts and changes us, and we can be transformed into better and better people. This transformation helps us to believe, and this belief helps us keep living in more and more compassionate ways. We need to live as if we believe, and God does the rest. Or, “fake it till you make it.” Through believing, we are told, we will find life in Jesus’ name. We are to “be living” in His Name. As the terrified father of the demon-possessed boy says in Mark: “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

So, back to doubting Thomas. Doubting Thomas needed to see and feel God’s wounds in order to believe. I have tended to judge him for that. When I have heard this passage, I have liked to think I would be one of the blessed who believes without seeing, not the obnoxious one who needs proof. But the thing is, lately I realize how much I do identify with Thomas. Sometimes I want physical proof that my God has not died and is still with me. I would guess, whether we like to admit it or not, that we all go through this at some time or other in our lives. But perhaps this is why Thomas is part of the story. Perhaps he is exactly part of the story to reassure us and remind us that we are still lovable despite our doubts, because we all tend to have times of terrible doubt. Maybe it is okay to need a little personal attention from our God to get us through. Jesus doesn’t begrudge us anything if it will bring us closer to Him. He comes right to us where we are to show us his hands and feet and side if that is what we need. I have needed to learn not to judge myself for struggling to believe. Belief is such a struggle sometimes exactly because it is an action of the heart, not just the head. It is related to the word dis-couragement, which comes from the French word “coeur” for heart. When we are dis-heartened, God comes and en-courages us. He fills our hearts up again. He does whatever it takes.

Speaking of discouragement, or, at least things that are sad, today is my last Sunday here as your intern. I must say, it has been a great experience working with you and for you, and one I will never forget. It seems as if this placement was uniquely tailored to what I needed, almost as if the Holy Spirit had a hand in things. God knew what I needed. You welcomed me with warmth and acceptance even though I am not Lutheran, never treating me like I was strange, or like I was infected with some dangerous religious doctrines. You allowed me into your family with open arms and warmth, and it has been very healing. From where I’m standing, this congregation definitely lived the Golden Rule, welcoming a stranger into your home with warmth and hospitality. Thank you so much.

Goodbyes are hard. I tend to go numb and firmly insist that I will see you all again so that I won’t feel sad. The truth is, time passes faster than most of us would like, and I may not be able to come around nearly as often as I would like to. But I firmly believe—I love to believe this—that there is no time in the world of our hearts, and that whatever time passes in this busy physical world, we will remain connected in our hearts, and each time we meet again it will be as if no time has passed at all. Isn’t that how it always is with good friends? Goodbyes are just making room for new, joyful, hellos.
And goodbyes are rarely permanent. Following the theme of Easter, I hear I will rise to preach for you again in just one week. Bonnie will be on vacation and somebody thought it was a good idea to get me to come back to fill the pulpit as she rests. So, “Ha-ha! You can’t get rid of me that easily!” Or, “I’ll be back.”
So, goodbye, and hello. I will always love you guys. I will miss you. And I’m sure I’ll be back. In the mean time, thank you so much for your loving care. Amen.



“believe”. Dictionary.com. Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper, Historian. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/believe (accessed: March 26, 2008).

"Be A Blessing" sermon

“And You Will Be A Blessing”
Alison Longstaff, February 17th, 2008
St. James Evangelical Lutheran Church
New Dundee, Ontario
Genesis 12: 1-4; John 3:1-17


“And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing;”

Of all the promises made in the Bible, this one is, perhaps, one of the most overlooked. And yet this promise of God to Abram—this promise of God to each of us from the very beginnings of our spiritual journey—is that Abram will be a blessing. That we will be a blessing. God promises to make Abram’s name great, and to make him a great nation, and to bless him—which is the part of the promise we tend to notice—fame and power and success. But perhaps the most important part of the promise is that God will make Abram a blessing.

You see, the Bible isn’t just a history book, it is God speaking to all people of all time reminding us that life is a journey. This book of our lives reminds us that God desires to give us every good thing, and that most of all, He wishes to transform our lives so that we may be a blessing.

If we look at the final book in the Bible, the Book of Revelation, it begins and ends with grace. It begins with “Grace be unto you and peace” and ends with “the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all, Amen.” Grace. God’s goodness. God’s loving-kindness. God’s blessing. The grace by which we are all blessed and transformed, and the only means by which we can be a blessing to others. It is the crowning jewel of our journey home. It is the real promised land. To be a blessing is the promise, and blessing and grace are at the finish line.

So here we are at the beginning with Abram in our story. He is seventy five years old. If it was you or I, I imagine at seventy five we are not so much in the mood for catastrophic change and upheaval. I’m forty six and would really rather not ever move house again, let alone move internationally. But as Abram was to live to one-hundred and seventy five, I guess this was more like his mid-life crisis. He was a mere sprightly seventy five!

In Swedenborgian theology, “Haran,” and “living in Haran,” is talking about early or primitive spirituality. It is the place we all start, the place we are born into but not meant to stay in. It is a relatively primitive and surface spirituality. It is not very developed yet. We are in Haran when we go to church because our parents make us, or because it is a habit, or because we want to see our friends, or because we like to be seen going to church. We live in Haran when we do not yet have a personal sense of connection with God or any real feeling of a need for God. It is our ancestral home and we are comfortable there. We all stay there until it is time to leave. We all stay there until God senses we are ready to move on and gives us a call and a promise.

In Swedenborgian theology, “seventy-five” means “not very holy.” Seven times ten means VERY holy, and five means, “not there yet.” We are not super-spiritual people when God first starts moving across the surface of our consciousness. But at some point in each of our lives, God starts to call us to do our spiritual work. For some of us, a mere whisper is all that is needed, for others a megaphone and some dynamite, but eventually, we are all called by God to do our spiritual work. Abram’s call to his journey is a reminder that God calls each of us to our spiritual journey.

God called Abram—notice that he is still called Abram here, not Abraham—the “H” sound is added to his and Sarai’s names only after they have gotten some of their spiritual journeying done, to show a mark of new holiness and a deeper level spirituality in their lives. “H” or the breath of God has entered their quality of being and so is reflected in their names. In any case, God called Abram to leave his family and his home and everything that was familiar in order to achieve the promised blessings, in order to become AbraHam. Even so with us, our spiritual journeying frequently involves stepping out of our comfort zones in order to become the blessing God would have us be.

This is where I bring in the detail that next Sunday is “bring a friend Sunday.” Raised in a tradition where the mind-set was, “we are the one true right religion and everybody should become one of us,” I remember carrying a somewhat acquisitive energy on “bring-a-friend" Sundays. There were good and innocent things about that, and some icky things about that too. The good and innocent things were, that it is natural and normal to want to share the things we love with others, and to want them to love them too. It is natural and normal to desire to have the people we love belong where we belong, so that we can enjoy more activities together. The icky thing about my energy at that time was that it was driven by a deep insecurity. I desired more and more people to join my church, because it would prove that my church was indeed the right and best church. I liked feeling more secure in my rightness, and I would feel more secure, the more members the church acquired.

Well, God finally got out the dynamite to move me from that attitude. I certainly needed to move from a shallow spirituality: “it is about being right” into a more mature one: “it is about God’s love.” God called me out of a personal “Haran.” Since moving on from that denomination, and since deciding that God is truly big enough to care for and save people in all traditions, I’ve really had to re-examine the purpose of “bring-a-friend” Sunday, no matter which church I am in. If it isn’t about being the best and the rightest denomination and recruiting people in, if it isn’t even necessarily about Christianity being the best and the rightest, what is the point of inviting people to church at all?

You may laugh, but this is a serious question for anyone newly journeying from Haran. Abram may have thought his call was so that he could be the biggest and the best, “And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great;” . . . but God had another idea in mind the whole time: “And so you shall be a blessing.” Maybe our call to open our doors and hearts to new friends and strangers is the same, not to grow big and strong and show how great we are, but because we love to love other people—because God calls us to be a blessing.

It’s funny how long it took my brain to wrap around that one. “I’m to welcome people to church, because I, and my church, am/is to be a blessing?” It isn’t to get more people to join? It isn’t so people can see we are the best and want to become part of our congregation?

The truth is, if we are a blessing to those who come, if we extend genuine Christian hospitality, if we welcome and include and nourish and affirm and give respect to the stranger, we WILL draw new people in. It will be a natural side-effect. If this congregation grows in its desire to be a blessing, it will grow in numbers and become known as a pretty great little group. But the point is not to set out to be big or great, the point is to LOVE our neighbours, to be a blessing to each other within the congregation, and to the neighbours and strangers we encounter coming in the door. And the point is to love other congregations as our neighbours, not compete with them. Our job is simply to love God above all and to love our neighbours the way we want to be loved. It is the message again and again in God’s word. If we do these things, all the rest is added. All the rest—growing membership and prosperity may indeed be added, though it won’t matter, it will just be wonderful gravy on the lovely roast or yummy icing on the already delicious cake.

Now, I have a story to tell you. I was a stranger here not so long ago. My first Sunday here I wandered in and didn’t know a soul. I had told Bonnie I would be coming, but I don’t recall if we had even ever laid eyes on each other yet. Bonnie was lovely and welcoming, as was Jerry, but both of them were busy and I was pretty much on my own. I’ll never forget one lady who introduced herself, and spent some time talking to me. It was such a kindness! Such a relief! I was surrounded by strangers and I’d managed to find the coffee, and was fumbling along trying to talk to people, when this friendly woman reached out to me and spent some time with me. She was a blessing.

Her name and face will always be the first one in the congregation I remember because she saw me and welcomed me and made me feel more at home. I thought, “now there’s a friendly lady who knows how to reach out to strangers!” What’s interesting is, later I made a point of thanking this lady for reaching out to me, and she admitted that she considers herself shy and tongue-tied and no good at small talk! Well, she has a lot in common with Moses then, because regardless of how she views herself, God used her to reach out and welcome a stranger. I affirmed her doubly for her courage. It must have taken a lot to step out of her comfort zone to welcome a stranger. And it certainly meant a lot to me.

The truth is, scarcely a one of us really feels comfortable in a crowd making small-talk. And we tend to compare our insides to others’ outsides. Others look comfortable and at home and relaxed, while I feel neurotic and insecure, so they must be comfortable and happy and I’m the only one who wants to run home and hide. Meanwhile someone else is looking at me thinking I’m the comfortable and relaxed one.... So next Sunday, or even this one, there’s no excuse deciding you’re just shy and no good at small-talk. God may just be calling you to remember a stranger and extend a hand of welcome and inclusion. God may be calling you to be a blessing. Isn’t it what you would want if you were the stranger? So go up and say, “Hello”!

I remember going to my mother when I was a teenager, terrified of going to another painful highschool social event. I was agonizingly shy, and I hated standing in the crowds wondering what on earth to say to people. I never could think of anything smart or funny, and I suffered.

My mother said, “Look for someone who looks lonelier than you feel, and ask them questions about themselves.” It was some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten. I was to look for the stranger; I was to reach out to someone else, not to entertain and dazzle them, but to welcome and include them. I was to draw the other person out of themselves and hear about them, not show them how interesting I was. And the thing was, this advice did not just become a shallow formula for surviving awkward social events, it actually helped me meet some wonderful individuals and make some lasting friends. It has become a tool that has stood me in good stead for years and has helped me become really good at forgetting how shy I really am. It has helped me love other people. I have discovered that I genuinely enjoy hearing other people’s stories, and I have discovered that seeing the other as a blessing, tends to make me feel richly blessed too. Most people today are quite surprised to find out I am innately shy.

So here comes “bring a friend Sunday.” With it comes the opportunity to feel really uncomfortable and awkward as well as the opportunity to be a blessing. Like the woman who welcomed me on my first day, you may even accomplish both at the same time—you may feel like you are socially inept even as you are being a welcome presence of comfort and friendship to a lost and lonely soul. The truth is, every time we open ourselves to God’s call to leave our comfort zone for the sake of others, we open the space for the holy spirit to rush in and do its magical work. Every time we leave Haran because God called us, Abram can become AbraHam, a whole new being in God’s plan, touched by the holy spirit, destined to become a great nation, and most importantly, to be a blessing. Or, to be far less grandiose, “If I could do it, you can too. So get off your butts and be friendly.”
Amen.