Sunday, September 14, 2014

It's All About Relationship - a sermon

“It’s All About Relationship”
Rev. Alison Longstaff, September 14, 2014
Bath Church of the New Jerusalem
Leviticus 19:9-18; Matt 7: 1-6; Heavenly Secrets 7262


Right now I am reading a book called, “A Fountain Filled With Blood.”  It is a murder mystery set in upstate New York, with a female pastor as the protagonist. I did not pick it because of the cover, and definitely not because of the title.  I picked it because someone I love and respect recommended it.  In fact, it is the third book I am reading that Rev. Sarah Buteaux recommended, and I have yet to be disappointed. I trust her judgment.
When my kids were little, I befriended another mom of young kids on my street in Brampton, Ontario.  She and her husband were immigrants to Canada, and her husband dreamed of working at Motorola, where my husband worked.  I said we would see what we could do to help him get an interview.  Zoltan did apply to Motorola “through the front door” (or the standard way) but at the same time he also applied “through the back door” via a recommendation from my husband.  I kid you not, Zoltan was turned down for the job for the front door application, on the very same day that he was offered a job via the back door application. 
It truly is not what you know but who you know.  It is about human connection and trust.
We humans work through trust. We long for genuine human integrity.  We crave somebody and something to trust in and believe.  And we are drawn to those who seem trustworthy—we gravitate to those who are “real.”  Let’s face it, in today’s world, where the news broadcasters seem more interested in melodrama and ratings than unbiased coverage, where advertising is as trustworthy as the paper it is printed on, and where some big corporations treat their employees like slave-labor and their customers (politely) like shoe scrapings—Sam, did you get your refrigerator yet?  How many days has it been?—is it any wonder so many of us are jaded, suspicious, and unwilling to trust anybody’s word?
Once upon a time, a person’s word was their bond.  A person’s ability to keep their word shaped their reputation.  We didn’t have Google, we didn’t have television or radio. We didn’t even have newspapers.  We only had our experience, our intuition, and the word about town whether or not to trust the man who was selling us the camel.  We still use the saying, “what is the word on the street?” when we want to know the reputation or story about something.  We still say things like, “Take my word for it,” or, “Don’t take his word for it,” when discussing the reliability of information.  And word of mouth is still the hands down, number one, BEST form of advertising, because we trust our friends far more than a piece of paper or a TV commercial.
Your word.  My word.  In the beginning was the WORD.
            What do you want from your neighbor most?  Honesty or fakery?  To be objectified and used, or valued and respected?  Do you want trustworthiness, or promises that never pan out?  Therefore, how do you love your neighbor as yourself?  Be honest, respectful, and trustworthy!  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Be as good as your word.
The heart of spirituality is genuine connection.  Spirituality is born from our relationship with God, is shaped by our relationship with ourselves, and is tempered by our relationships with each other. In Swedenborgianism, we call spiritual growth “regeneration,” and regeneration is the process by which we learn trustworthiness and healthy relationship. 
We all of us, every one, have pockets of shame, things we think we must hide, parts of us that drive us to manipulate others and to lie, and not even see that we are doing it.  It is easy to see when someone else is being passive-aggressive, or phony, or manipulative.  It is much harder to see it in ourselves.  But to the extent that you and I have pockets of shame and fear in ourselves, to the extent that we are hiding and not showing up in the world with our whole hearts and selves, to that extent you and I will be doing and being all those unattractive things too.
Spiritual growth, “regeneration,” the hero’s journey—call it what you like—that is our number one purpose here in this church and in this world.  We are here to serve our neighbor and be less selfish, yes. And the best most foundational way to do those things is to become more personally responsible for our word through self-awareness, humility, and courage. 
The fall in the Garden of Eden was because Adam and Eve felt they must hide from God.  (As if we can hide from God, or need to!) They saw their “nakedness” and were ashamed.  It is we who judge ourselves for our imperfections, we who think we must hide parts of ourselves to be loved and lovable.  But the hiding starts a spiral of dishonesty that leads to pretense, gossip, and judgment of others for their imperfections (because we think ours are so well hidden) until we are all hiding and judging and pretending.  As if we have it all together and everyone else has the problems!  We do this within our congregations, families, and workplaces. 
Is it any wonder we gasp with relief when we encounter someone who seems truly authentic?  Is it any wonder truly genuine people draw others to themselves because of their trustworthiness and lack of pretense?  The truly authentic are not trying to be “attractive,” they are trying to be real.  They are trying to be as good as their word.  A side-effect of their authenticity is attractiveness.  Brene Brown, who has leapt to fame and a big following because of her research on shame and whole-heartedness, did so not because she was smart (she is) or nice-looking (she is) or has a Ph.D (she does) but because she was willing to be completely open and vulnerable.  We crave that honesty.  We crave leaders who admit to their failings with humor and self-forgiveness, because it gives us room to be imperfect and still lovable too.
I am a CBC radio buff, and was completely captivated by one show about businesses that make their goal excellent customer service.  These businesses are not about profits, but about integrity.  Their goal is not growth, but they grow steadily and thrive because the word gets around that they are trustworthy.  Their businesses thrive, not because they have found the cheapest and most clever way to move product, but because they treat their customers WELL.
Regeneration starts with self-honesty.  In the twelve steps, the fourth and fifth steps are: “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” and “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”  This isn’t about shame. This is about removing the blocks in our own character to building healthy whole-hearted relationships with God, ourselves, and others.  Submission to this process brings out our most authentic selves.  It transforms each of us into who God meant us to be.
 
Regeneration or the path to authenticity shows up in many spiritualities by many names.  The twelve-step programs provide all sorts of tools to help us along the way.  A call to self-awareness and service to others is found in some form in Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism and many other spiritualities.   There are all sorts of tools, classes, and programs, all of which can help us.  Never believe that only Christianity has the ticket to this salvation.  If it did, all Christians would be the most authentic and trustworthy people on the planet.
(And just as a side note, philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre saw jazz as an artistic representation of authenticity and relationship. How fun that we happened to find jazz musicians to accompany our worship about becoming more authentic!) 
           
This church wants to grow.  How do we grow?  Is it by being the smartest or rightest church?  No.  Is it by having the biggest most modern facility? Nope. Is it because we are doing the most in the community?  Not that either, though that would be nice.  It will be because we are genuine.  It will be because we are truly authentic in our presence in the world, as individuals, and therefore as a community.  Let us be trustworthy in our word and heart, let us be all about healthy inner and outer relationship, and the Lord will do the rest.
Do you want to feel more comfortable in the world and more at peace in your soul?  Set your relationship with the God of love and yourself right first. Do you want all your relationships to thrive?  Submit yourself to a discipline that calls out your own weaknesses and blind spots for healing and forgiveness. Do you want this church to grow?  Set yourself to the work of personal and congregational regeneration.  Become as good as your word.  And the word will get around.  Do your own inner work, and all these other blessings will happen naturally.  As we read in Matthew, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.” 
At 9:30 this morning, I was trying to find a perfect summation for this message to wrap it all up, and Barb made a great suggestion.  I think it fits my down-to-the-wire attempt to have a worthy message for you this morning along with everything else, and here it is:
“Tada!”
Amen
For further study and inspiration, I recommend these podcasts:
 “Satisfaction Guaranteed,” Talks a lot about L.L Bean, June 6 2014
“Customer service,” March 28, 2014
Enwaken radio, “Shifting from fear to flow.”

The Readings:

Leviticus 19: 9-18 “When you harvest your crops, don’t reap the corners of your fields, and don’t pick up the stray grains of wheat from the ground.  It is the same with your grape crop—don’t strip every last piece of fruit from the vines, and don’t pick up the grapes that fall to the ground. Leave them for the poor and for those traveling through, for I am the Lord your God.
“You must not steal nor lie nor defraud. You must not swear to a falsehood, thus bringing reproach upon the name of your God, for I am the Lord.  You shall not rob nor oppress anyone, and you shall pay your hired workers promptly. If something is due them, don’t even keep it overnight.  You must not curse the deaf nor trip up a blind man as he walks. Fear your God; I am the Lord.
“You must do no injustice in court. You must not be partial to the poor nor to the powerful, but with justice be completely fair in your dealings. 
Do not gossip. Do not spread rumors about each other, for I am the Lord.
“Do not despise your neighbor. Reprimand the one who sins; and don’t turn a blind eye, or you will share in the guilt.  Do not seek vengeance. Do not bear a grudge; but love your neighbor as yourself, for I am the Lord.

Matt 7 1-6, 12
“Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the tiny splinter that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the giant beam that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ when there is the beam in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the giant beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother's eye.
 “Therefore whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Heavenly Secrets 7262.  In actual fact the Word consists of nothing else than teachings about love to the Lord and love towards the neighbor, just as the Lord also teaches in Matthew (22:37-40), “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. From these two commandments spring all the Law and the Prophets.
“The Law and the Prophets” mean here the whole Word.


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