Freedom Manifesto

The following is the result of an assignment for my yoga certification. Publishing it was encouraged, so here it is:

Alison Moore’s Freedom Manifesto

My desire for my life going forward is curiosity, compassion and a belief in transformation through creativity and play. I desire this to be my underlying resting state.

FREEDOM comes when I feel that I have choices and agency---when I feel I can change things that don’t work, and improve conditions that are not optimal. In the yogic principle of the union of opposites, the balancing attitude that I desire to cultivate is the simple acceptance of “what is.” These two attitudes may seem opposite (acceptance of what is vs desire for change), and yet I believe a healthy, balanced union of these two will bring me the greatest joy and serenity going forward.

“Acceptance of what is” shows up in compassionate non-judgment of what my body is able to do each day. Whether I experience a “good” practice full of obvious progress and feelings of strength and sweetness, or I navigate a “bad” practice because my energy is low and my asanas appear regressed, I wish to be peacefully present to what is. I wish to carry into each practice the knowledge that every single practice matters, and that the way I treat myself in a practice is the measure of the success of the practice, not how far I could extend or contract in a given asana.

Now, when I see something about myself that I want to change, I desire to notice it with curiosity and serenity. I want to say, “Huh. Interesting!” I want to have the willingness to approach the area that needs work with compassion and optimism and a sense of possibility. Previously I approached it with shame and the fear of what everyone else “must” think of me. My impulse was to hide the shortcoming or failure as quickly as possible. I do not wish to operate from fear of judgment or shame or a desire to hide anymore.

I want to continue to develop PERSPECTIVE or a “long view” which will keep me serene in the face of new challenges. Each challenge in the past has been surmounted, no matter how insurmountable each seemed at the time. When I remember this, I can face new challenges with more curiosity and creativity, and less fearful projections of “certain failure” and dire outcomes. “I got through those things and I can get through this.”

In relationships, I desire to be as authentic and “whole” as possible in each moment. This means I desire to own every piece of my life, and to tell the truth about my experiences with compassion and honesty. “The truth” is never harsh or unkind. It is neutral. The harsh or unkind comes when I attach blame or judgment or shame.  A whole lot of my work to this point has been in becoming free of extensive inner self-abuse and fearful thinking.  As these decrease, new space for honesty, clarity and compassion opens up.

As a speaker and teacher, I desire to lead from my vulnerability. I believe that this makes a space for truthful vulnerability in others. I wish to create SAFE spaces, which invite radical honesty and compassion and self-ownership in students and clients. My dream is that I will invite to these qualities and teach about these qualities and model these qualities as naturally as breathing. The goal of this shared vulnerability and mutual respect is REST.

To rest from hiding. To rest from pretending. To rest from struggling. To be FREE.

What would Brene Brown do?

When I show up with compassion and authenticity and a long perspective, life becomes lighter and easier. I am more patient and laugh more easily.

Authenticity is my freedom.  May I remain open to continuing the work gently and steadily that I might ever move into greater and greater authenticity.

January 13, 2018

Between You and Heaven - approximately what I preached today....

For whatever reason, the sermon simply wouldn't gel this week.  I kept tossing out what I had and trying another angle, only to feel dissatisfied with what was showing up on the page.  I felt strangely non-anxious.  I was revising my notes right up until 9:45, then just brought what I had and trusted the spirit.  It went quite well.  Here is approximately what I said.

“Between You and Heaven”

Rev. Alison Longstaff, June 7, 2015

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Zephaniah 3: 14-17; Matthew 16:24-29; DP 320

If we were to believe, as is the truth, that all goodness and truth come from the Lord, and all evil and falsity come from hell, we would not take credit for any goodness, nor condemn ourselves for any evil. 

Emanuel Swedenborg, The Divine Providence, portions of #320

“It is very hard to be truly intimate when we are in some way feeling flawed or deficient.”

Tara Brach

The thing that stands between you and heaven is your own self-judgment.

Let me say that again.

The thing that stands between you and heaven is your own self-judgment.

Heaven involves true authenticity which leads to true intimacy.  All self-loathing is a block to intimacy.

We tend to assume that someone is prideful and stuck on themselves and “thinks they are better than us.” Or we might assume someone hates themselves, and is too hard on themselves, and has no self-esteem.  But these are two faces of the same disease.  Anyone who seems to be narcissistic or superior or full of pride and snobbery is covering themselves with a thick defense mechanism to protect themselves from feeling their terror of being worthless.  

There is a belief and fear deep inside every one of us that somehow we are utterly unlovable.  John Bradshaw calls this “toxic shame.”  Regular shame includes regret over a word or deed or thought we may have experienced.  Toxic shame is the deep core belief that that somehow, something about our very selves is unlovable or is innately too evil to ever deserve love and belonging.

We are born into this imbalance.  We will tend to rush from one extreme to the other, finding difficulty holding a middle ground that enables us to be present with our faults without shame while being comfortable with our gifts without attaching superiority to them.  

Often those who are attracted to churches who have "The Truth" and who set themselves as "being right" over against everyone else's wrongness are those who need to attach themselves to something “perfect” because another part of them feels so utterly worthless.

I remember counseling a woman who belonged to such a church, and who was married to a controlling man, and who had seen enough traumas to be far less functional that she actually was.

She spent a lot of her time blaming her husband for her unhappiness, and asserting that if he would only change, she could be happy.  I listened and reflected and nudged her towards seeing the way she was contributing to the dynamic.  There was a moment when she hung in the space of realization that she had some responsibility….  And from that point she plunged into utter self-loathing.  

She had no space or inner middle ground between being a martyr or being utterly worthless.  It was as if her emotional muscles around her worth were either completely contracted or completely lax, with no ability to hold an even, moderate tension.  Imagine asking someone to walk who can only clench every muscle in their legs or completely relax every muscle, and nothing else.  I realized then how much work was ahead for her to develop the ability to stand in a space where she was neither pure victim nor deserving of annihilation. 

This moment with this woman was one of deep learning for me.  I was looking at what a lifetime of abuse can do to a soul, and also what black and white thinking can do to a soul.  In her mind, either she was all good or all evil.  And the minute she considered that she might be in error in some small way, every aspect of her self-worth collapsed and she believed she was worthy only of the lowest hell.

Until she was supported in building up a place to see herself as neither all good nor all evil, she would be unable to do self-reflection.  She would be unable to observe herself with curiosity and compassion. How could she stand to recognize where she was in error, and then commit to changing her part in any problem, when her inner sense of terror and self-loathing would launch her into raging inner cruelty the minute she recognized a fault?

Underneath her veneer of her own virtue and martyrdom, was a terrified, abused little girl who was sure she was utterly worthless.

There is a law in the universe that is the mirror of the Golden Rule, and it is this: "We give out to others what we tend to give to ourselves."  Anyone who is a verbally critical person and who puts on a show of being perfect themselves, is living with an equally harsh inner dialogue.  The need for their veneer of perfection is precisely because of that relentless, running, inner abuse.

When we are too harsh with ourselves we get judgmental, we martyr ourselves, we feel both inferior and superior at the same time—both from fear.  The superiority and snobbery is a defense mechanism for a terrified ego.  Self-loathing is also a defense mechanism for a terrified ego.

This law does not show up in obvious ways.  You must learn to look for it, and only the eyes of compassion can help you find it.

Many of us live with this harsh inner critic.  A deeply unkind running inner dialogue is much more common than many realize.  Finding compassion for ourselves and others takes work; it takes spiritual work.  You can’t just choose it and expect to be good at it any more than you can choose to be an athlete and instantly be one just by virtue of the choice.  But the intention to become an athlete is a great place to start.

We learn to love ourselves by learning to be kinder to others.  We learn to be more compassionate with others when we work on being more compassionate with ourselves.

e.e cummings said, “We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

Paul Boynton said, "Self-responsibility, self-respect and self-esteem go hand in hand. Work on any of these and you automatically see growth in all three."

We are all equally flawed and equally adorable.  It is the self-loathing that blocks us from heaven, not the flaws themselves, or babies wouldn’t be so utterly loving and lovable.  

We must all become like little children to enter heaven.

The thing that stands between you and heaven is your own self-judgment.

Let me say that again.

The thing that stands between you and heaven is your own self-judgment.

Heaven is true authenticity which leads to true intimacy.  And true intimacy is heaven.

Amen.

The Readings

Zephaniah 3: 14-17

Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel!

Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem!
For the Lord will remove his hand of judgment and will disperse the armies of your enemy.

And the Lord himself, the King of Israel, will live among you!

At last your troubles will be over, and you will never again fear disaster.
On that day the announcement to Jerusalem will be, “Cheer up, Zion! Don’t be afraid!

For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.  With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Matt 16:24-28

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.  For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?  For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done.  Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Divine Providence 320 portions

If we were to believe, as is the truth, that all goodness and truth come from the Lord, and all evil and falsity come from hell, we would not take credit for any goodness, nor condemn ourselves for any evil. 

Once we make these two acknowledgments, we can simply notice the evils within ourselves and, to the extent that we block them from becoming behaviors and we turn away from them because we see they do harm (are sinful), we throw them back into the place of fear and ignorance (hell) from which they came.  

Being Loving with Wisdom - sermon Jan 25

This sermon was delivered on the Sunday on which we chose to honor Swedenborg's birthday.  It teaches about a key Swedenborgian concept—the union of Love and Wisdom.  The Holy City being "foursquare" symbolizes that there will be a complete balance of the two energies in all those who reach advanced state of spiritual being.

"Being Loving with Wisdom - Let's do this!"

Rev. Alison Longstaff, Jan 25, 2015

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Genesis 1:26-31; Revelation 21:10-17; Divine Love and Wisdom 30 

So God created humans in the Divine’s own image; in the image of the Divine was each one created; male and female God created them. 

One thing about growing up Swedenborgian is this, that one learns to think of everything as created into two essential halves of one, like the right brain and left brain, the right foot and left foot, the male and female, light and heat, the wine and the bread, the creative and the protective, the soft and the firm—it goes on and on.  By now it is so deeply ingrained in how I look at the world, I am repeatedly surprised when I realize not everyone looks at life this way. 

We are taught that these two manifestations of life come from the nature of God, like the light and heat of the sun.  We can intellectually separate them as concepts in our minds and think about them separately: “the light of the sun,” “the heat of the sun.”  But one couldn't actually exist without the other.  They are a package deal.  Each exists because of the other.  They are inseparable.  Light and heat from one sun; left and right in one human; Love and Wisdom in one God.

So in a Swedenborgian elementary school (in which one has regular religion lessons) I learned that the answer to most questions, if it wasn't “the Lord,” was probably “Love and Wisdom” or “good and truth.” It was a kind of joke, the way the answer to most mainstream Christian Sunday School questions might be “Jesus.” When in doubt, answer “Love and Wisdom” or “good and truth,” and odds are that you will get it right. 

The goal of creation was all about the union of two complementary and inseparable “halves": Love AND Wisdom; the “big picture” (Father) AND the “right here and now” (Son); the vertical axis of the cross (Divine) and the horizontal axis (human). That crux or union or intersection is what life is all about.  That coming together of Love and Wisdom within us is the holy grail of our journey on earth—to unite our heads and hearts—to become authentic, compassionate, respectful, and deeply wise. 

Now, I am also a pragmatist, so all this Swedenborgian theory doesn't make much difference to me unless it “has legs”—unless thinking about life as Love and Wisdom has a transformative effect on our lives.  And that is why I like the theory so much.  One cannot pay attention to politics or advertising or rhetoric about success and not hear buzz words like “authentic” or “integrity” or “accountability,” words like “genuine,” “trustworthy,” and “transparent.” 

All of these words point to something for which we all long—that we might find in each other trustworthiness, truthfulness, and fairness—that we could expect from life justice, equality, and a fighting chance.  We want it from others, and we struggle to live it ourselves.

We all long for these things because they are missing in this life.  They are missing because humankind is flawed and scared and unwilling to look at this or take responsibility for it.  We have all been hurt and lied to and betrayed, and it sometimes seems as if liars and cheaters and thieves outnumber by far the trustworthy ones.

Love and wisdom united—the qualities of fairness and accountability and authenticity only show up in people and organizations who have an intentionality about being one in purpose, word, and deed.  Lots of people and organizations like to claim qualities such as fairness and accountability and authenticity, then they try to paste them on the outside of their presence in the world, hoping nobody will see through the façade.  But true integrity can only come for doing the real work and living the real truth. We have all encountered such inauthentic individuals and businesses.

“Corporation” once simply meant “body.” But “corporation” now is also synonymous with a large business with no “soul.”  There are indeed big businesses with lots of soul, but unfortunately the ones doing harm give all the rest of them a bad name. By “no soul” we mean having no genuine sense of connection with or commitment to the public good.  Instead we find only a “heartless” commitment to self-service and constant “growth,” and this is called “good business.”  But if we were looking at a human body, we would call a cluster of cells whose one purpose was self-service and constant expansion regardless of cost, cancer. “Cancerous” corporations show us the ultimate example of “intelligence divorced from goodness.” 

Humans are flawed.  We are born into a world that trains us to hide, pretend, and not feel what we feel.  We can be bombarded with messages that tell us we are not good enough, and that invite us to feel contempt and scorn for those who are different.   But that is not God’s plan nor God’s intention for our lives.  God calls us constantly toward greater integrity.  Our brokenness and blindness and fear and disconnection from each other does not have to triumph.  The path to integrity can feel lonely and be very hard work sometimes, but it is absolutely worth it. 

And that is why Jesus’ story has resonated for so many people through the eons (whether or not you believe in the Divine nature of those texts).  And that is why stories like “Harry Potter” and “The Lord of the Rings” and even “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” find such long-lasting fan-followings today.  Each story taps our desire to believe in heroes, and calls forth our longing to find trustworthiness, safety, and authenticity in community. 

The best stories have a hero that is flawed—in fact, a hero that is somehow touched by the darkness within his or her own nature.  This inner darkness is the source of the hero’s pain, vulnerability, and conflict … and yet it also holds the key to how the hero subdues and transcends the darkness. 

           

We are all called to this hero’s journey, and yet we don’t necessarily answer that call.  This is because journeying toward that inner union invites an encounter with God, and this can feel as scary as crucifixion.  While the spiritual journey journey is the only way to our “resurrection,” it takes us right by the valley of the shadow of death.  We often need to be quite convinced that doing our spiritual work provides a much better quality of life for us than remaining in our comfort zones will.  We need to realize that remaining spiritually clogged and stuck will result in us continuing to have unenlightened thoughts and desires which end up hurting the ones we love most.  We will be blind to our own failings and will continue to think we are not as much a part of the problem as we truly are so long as we hide from and resist our own spiritual work. 

And so we must all work towards a union of our thinking and feeling sides, and this produces in us that “genuineness” or “authenticity” that is so craved in the world.  This work produces increasing self-awareness and compassion—we realize ever deeper ways we are lying to ourselves and hiding from ourselves, (often due to shame or fear of rejection) and the compassion gives us the strength and determination to change.  This self-awareness—this inner integration can be cultivated through therapy, meditation, and studying books about spiritual growth; we can encourage it by joining support groups, or journaling, or any other of a number of spiritual practices that God has provided for us to become better stewards our personal inner landscapes. 

It begins with intention, continues with prayer and spiritual practice, and God takes care of the rest.  May we each work to become the change we desire to see in the world.  Amen

***

Before the interlude I want to add a few words about Swedenborg.  

Emanuel Swedenborg was born on January 29^th, 1688—long before you and I were born—at a time well before electricity or cars or telephones, before telegraphs or steamships, and when the whaling industry had barely started.  He grew up a Lutheran in Sweden, became a highly educated man and civil servant, and only later in life began the deep study of the Bible that led to his spiritual awakening and theological writing.  His intent was to reform the existing Christian church, never to start a new denomination with his name on it.  He lived his full and remarkable life, and died in 1772, before the colonies declared independence.

Swedenborgians today are few in number and vary widely in how we understand and value Swedenborg’s writings.   We are small because we have been shy, a bit exclusive, and more intellectual than service-oriented.  But I will always be grateful for the way Swedenborgian thought has shaped my thinking and feeling.  I find deep peace in the perspectives; I find hope and comfort in the way he describes God’s plan; and the ideas help me find light in even the darkest times and joy in the bleakest moments.  

I am a Swedenborgian minister because I love this systematic theology so very much.  I hope that the great wisdom and insanely astute insights that this lifelong bachelor penned will bring light to your paths the way it has to mine.  And I love above all the inclusiveness within his theology, which makes room for all of us to walk together in respect and love.

Swedenborg wouldn't want us to make a fuss over his birthday.  His work pointed always to the God of love and wisdom.  I think we do celebrate the way God can fill each of us with love and wisdom, and have them transform our lives by celebrating the way He did this with Swedenborg.  Happy birthday “Manny.”  Thank you for letting your light shine!

Readings:

Genesis 1: 26-31

Then God said, “Let Us make humans in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”  So God created humans in the Divine’s own image; in the image of the Divine was each one created; male and female God created them.  Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and manage it; have responsibility for the fish of the sea, for the birds of the air, and for every living thing that moves on the earth.”

And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food.  Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so.  Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Revelation 21:10-17

 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her brilliance was like a very costly stone, as a stone of crystal-clear jasper.  It had a great and high wall, with twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels; and names were written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the sons of Israel.  There were three gates on the east and three gates on the north and three gates on the south and three gates on the west.  And the wall of the city had twelve foundation stones, and on them were the twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.  The one who spoke with me had a gold measuring rod to measure the city, and its gates and its wall.  The city is laid out as a square, and its length is as great as the width; and he measured the city with the rod, fifteen hundred miles; its length and width and height are equal.  And he measured its wall, seventy-two yards, according to human measurements, which are also angelic measurements. 

DLW 30

Since the Divine is essentially Love and Wisdom united, we humans have two sides of our beings. The one side shows up as our thinking or our discernment, and the other side shows up as our desire or longing. Wisdom from God flows into our thinking side, while love from God flows into our desire. Even though we often fail to think wisely or to desire the best things for ourselves and humankind, this does not negate the very real inflowing of love and wisdom into our souls from God.  Our lack only illustrates that the channels for them have become blocked or restricted; and as long as they are blocked or restricted, we are not capable of being very loving nor wise.  Nevertheless, this inflowing continues to provide whatever good thinking and enlightened desire that we will allow, for if the flow stopped altogether, we would cease to be human.

See also a creative and playful song explaining this on YouTube: http://youtu.be/WFRRsxtWNUM