“It’s All
About Relationship”
Rev. Alison
Longstaff, September 14, 2014
Bath Church
of the New Jerusalem
Leviticus 19:9-18;
Matt 7: 1-6; Heavenly
Secrets 7262
Right now I am reading
a book called, “A Fountain Filled With Blood.”
It is a murder mystery set in upstate New York, with a female pastor as
the protagonist. I did not pick it because of the cover, and definitely not
because of the title. I picked it because
someone I love and respect recommended it.
In fact, it is the third book I am reading that Rev. Sarah Buteaux recommended, and I have yet to be disappointed. I trust her judgment.
When my kids were
little, I befriended another mom of young kids on my street in Brampton,
Ontario. She and her husband were
immigrants to Canada, and her husband dreamed of working at Motorola, where my
husband worked. I said we would see what
we could do to help him get an interview.
Zoltan did apply to Motorola “through the front door” (or the standard
way) but at the same time he also applied “through the back door” via a
recommendation from my husband. I kid
you not, Zoltan was turned down for the job for the front door application, on
the very same day that he was offered a job via the back door application.
It truly is not what you know but who you know. It is about human
connection and trust.
We humans work through
trust. We long for genuine human integrity.
We crave somebody and something to trust in and believe. And we are drawn to those who seem
trustworthy—we gravitate to those who are “real.” Let’s face it, in today’s world, where the news
broadcasters seem more interested in melodrama and ratings than unbiased
coverage, where advertising is as trustworthy as the paper it is printed on,
and where some big corporations treat their employees like slave-labor and
their customers (politely) like shoe scrapings—Sam, did you get your
refrigerator yet? How many days has it
been?—is it any wonder so many of us are jaded, suspicious, and unwilling to
trust anybody’s word?
Once upon a time, a
person’s word was their bond. A person’s ability to keep their word shaped
their reputation. We didn’t have Google,
we didn’t have television or radio. We didn’t even have newspapers. We only had our experience, our intuition,
and the word about town whether or not to trust the man who was selling us the
camel. We still use the saying, “what is
the word on the street?” when we want to know the reputation or story about
something. We still say things like,
“Take my word for it,” or, “Don’t take his word for it,” when discussing the
reliability of information. And word of mouth is still the hands down,
number one, BEST form of advertising, because we trust our friends far more
than a piece of paper or a TV commercial.
Your word. My word.
In the beginning was the WORD.
What
do you want from your neighbor most?
Honesty or fakery? To be
objectified and used, or valued and respected?
Do you want trustworthiness, or promises that never pan out? Therefore, how do you love your neighbor as
yourself? Be honest, respectful, and
trustworthy! “Do unto others as you
would have them do unto you.” Be as good
as your word.
The
heart of spirituality is genuine connection.
Spirituality is born from our relationship with God, is shaped by our
relationship with ourselves, and is tempered by our relationships with each
other. In Swedenborgianism, we
call spiritual growth “regeneration,” and regeneration is the process by which
we learn trustworthiness and healthy relationship.
We all
of us, every one, have pockets of shame, things we think we must hide, parts of
us that drive us to manipulate others and to lie, and not even see that we are
doing it. It is easy to see when someone else is being
passive-aggressive, or phony, or manipulative.
It is much harder to see it in ourselves. But to the extent that you and I have pockets
of shame and fear in ourselves, to the extent that we are hiding and not
showing up in the world with our whole hearts and selves, to that extent you and I will be doing and
being all those unattractive things too.
Spiritual
growth, “regeneration,” the hero’s journey—call it what you like—that is our
number one purpose here in this church and in this world. We are here to serve our neighbor and be less
selfish, yes. And the best most foundational way to do those things is to
become more personally responsible for
our word through self-awareness, humility, and courage.
The
fall in the Garden of Eden was because Adam and Eve felt they must hide from
God. (As if we can hide from God, or
need to!) They saw their “nakedness” and were
ashamed. It is we who judge ourselves for our imperfections, we who think we must hide parts of ourselves to be loved and
lovable. But the hiding starts a spiral
of dishonesty that leads to pretense, gossip, and judgment of others for their imperfections (because we think
ours are so well hidden) until we are all hiding and judging and pretending. As if we
have it all together and everyone else
has the problems! We do this within our
congregations, families, and workplaces.
Is it
any wonder we gasp with relief when we encounter someone who seems truly
authentic? Is it any wonder truly
genuine people draw others to themselves because of their trustworthiness and
lack of pretense? The truly authentic are
not trying to be “attractive,” they are trying to be real. They are trying to be
as good as their word. A side-effect of
their authenticity is attractiveness.
Brene Brown, who has leapt to fame and a big following because of her
research on shame and whole-heartedness, did so not because she was smart (she
is) or nice-looking (she is) or has a Ph.D (she does) but because she was
willing to be completely open and vulnerable.
We crave that honesty. We crave
leaders who admit to their failings with humor and self-forgiveness, because it
gives us room to be imperfect and still lovable too.
I am a
CBC radio buff, and was completely captivated by one show about businesses that
make their goal excellent customer service.
These businesses are not about profits, but about integrity. Their goal is not growth, but they grow steadily
and thrive because the word gets around that they are trustworthy. Their businesses thrive, not because they
have found the cheapest and most clever way to move product, but because they
treat their customers WELL.
Regeneration
starts with self-honesty. In the twelve
steps, the fourth and fifth steps are: “We
made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” and “We admitted
to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.” This isn’t about shame. This is
about removing the blocks in our own character to building healthy
whole-hearted relationships with God, ourselves, and others. Submission to
this process brings out our most authentic selves. It transforms each of us into who God meant
us to be.
Regeneration or the path to authenticity shows
up in many spiritualities by many names.
The twelve-step programs provide all sorts of tools to help us along the
way. A call to self-awareness and
service to others is found in some form in Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism
and many other spiritualities. There
are all sorts of tools, classes, and programs, all of which can help us. Never believe that only Christianity has the
ticket to this salvation. If it did, all
Christians would be the most authentic and trustworthy people on the planet.
(And just as a side
note, philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre saw jazz as an artistic
representation of authenticity and relationship. How fun that we happened to
find jazz musicians to accompany our worship about becoming more authentic!)
This
church wants to grow. How do we
grow? Is it by being the smartest or
rightest church? No. Is it by having the biggest most modern
facility? Nope. Is it because we are doing the most in the community? Not that either, though that would be
nice. It will be because we are genuine. It will be because we are truly authentic in
our presence in the world, as individuals, and therefore as a community. Let us be trustworthy in our word and heart, let
us be all about healthy inner and outer relationship, and the Lord will do the
rest.
Do you want to feel
more comfortable in the world and more at peace in your soul? Set your relationship with the God of love
and yourself right first. Do you want all your relationships to thrive? Submit yourself to a discipline that calls
out your own weaknesses and blind
spots for healing and forgiveness. Do you want this church to grow? Set yourself to the work of personal and
congregational regeneration. Become as
good as your word. And the word will get around. Do your own
inner work, and all these other blessings will happen naturally. As we read in Matthew, “Seek first the
kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.”
At 9:30 this morning, I
was trying to find a perfect summation for this message to wrap it all up, and
Barb made a great suggestion. I think it
fits my down-to-the-wire attempt to have a worthy message for you this morning
along with everything else, and here it is:
“Tada!”
Amen
For further study and inspiration, I
recommend these podcasts:
“Satisfaction Guaranteed,” Talks a lot about
L.L Bean, June 6 2014
“Customer
service,” March 28, 2014
Enwaken
radio, “Shifting from fear to flow.”
The Readings:
Leviticus 19: 9-18 “When
you harvest your crops, don’t reap the corners of your fields, and don’t pick
up the stray grains of wheat from the ground. It is the same with your grape crop—don’t strip every last
piece of fruit from the vines, and don’t pick up the grapes that fall to the
ground. Leave them for the poor and for those traveling through, for I am the
Lord your God.
“You must not steal nor lie nor defraud. You must not swear to a falsehood, thus
bringing reproach upon the name of your God, for I am the Lord. You shall not rob nor oppress anyone, and you
shall pay your hired workers promptly. If something is due them, don’t even
keep it overnight. You must not curse
the deaf nor trip up a blind man as he walks. Fear your God; I am
the Lord.
“You must do no
injustice in court. You must not be partial to the poor nor to the powerful,
but with justice be completely fair in your dealings.
Do not gossip. Do not spread rumors about each other, for I am the Lord.
“Do not despise your neighbor. Reprimand the one who sins; and
don’t turn a blind eye, or you will share in the guilt. Do not seek vengeance. Do not bear a grudge; but love your neighbor as yourself, for I
am the Lord.
Matt 7 1-6, 12
“Judge not, that you be
not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce
you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to
you. Why do you see the tiny splinter that is in your brother's eye,
but do not notice the giant beam that is in your own eye? Or
how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’
when there is the beam in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the giant beam out of your own eye, and then you will see
clearly to take the splinter out of your brother's eye.
“Therefore whatever you wish that others
would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Heavenly Secrets 7262.
In actual fact the Word
consists of nothing else than teachings about love to the Lord and love towards
the neighbor, just as the Lord also teaches in Matthew (22:37-40), “You shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first
and great commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as
yourself. From these two commandments spring all the Law and the Prophets.
“The Law and the
Prophets” mean here the whole Word.
But ultimately, I was powerless. Once I had done everything I could reasonably do, the rest had to be surrendered to the whims of chance. This was made especially clear to me when, upon checking back in, the various managers all told me that my profile was "locked." Apparently the original manager (that said I was hired my second day in the city) not only didn't have a job for me, she hadn't released my profile back into the Starbucks hiring pool. She had made it impossible for any other Starbucks to hire me either!
It is the paradox embodied in yoga. It is the paradox of life---to seek the union of things that seem diametrically opposed---strength and relaxation, taking action and surrendering, effort and ease.
