In Pursuit Of Contentment

In Pursuit Of Contentment

Today I am reflecting on contentment.  

The more I pay attention to and observe myself, the more it seems that my state of happiness/unhappiness is directly connected to whatever story I am believing that day about "reality."  If I am feeling hopeless and helpless, I am probably believing something like, "The world is too corrupt for the little person (me), to have any hope of getting ahead. Why even try?" 

On other days, when I am feeling positive and hopeful, those negative stories can get very little traction within me. In fact, I blow right past the old negative stories like a train through so many cobwebs.  They have no weight at all.

So...

... maybe there is a chicken/egg relationship here.  If I am already feeling down (let's call the negative emotion an "egg"), I am more prone to negative sorts of thinking ("chickens").  While the more negative "stories" I believe, the more down I can feel.  The thoughts and feelings so feed on each other so intensely that it can be tough to tell which is the creator of the other.

"The more I pay attention to and observe myself, the more it seems that my state of happiness/unhappiness is directly connected to whatever story I am believing that day."

How does this relate to contentment?  I would say I am practicing an "attitude of gratitude," except that I was so frequently told that I should  "practice an attitude of gratitude" during really painful times, that  "practice an attitude of gratitude" now means "minimize and dismiss your pain."  Not helpful at all.  (It still carries a negative charge for me.  Ah well.)  

So instead, I am "widening my perspective in a way that helps me feel better."  I have been helped by an increasing awareness of how well-off I am compared to the vast percentage of people on the planet.  I have indoor plumbing, for heaven's sake!  Many, many humans on the planet do not have that.  I have safe drinking water coming out of my tap.  (Okay, "safe" is relative.  I simply can't get worked up over the incredibly low risk factors possible in most of North America compared to a huge percentage of the rest of the world).  I have a tap at all!  I have a BOUNTY of water available at the turn of a handle, unlike so many places!  I have a bounty of food, a warm, attractive place to live, and even a nice hair cut.  I have wonderful friends, none of whom have been tortured, or watched their family members be murdered, or had them mysteriously disappear.  (Honestly.  How can I think I have a hard life in comparison?)

I am serious.  Remembering what so many other human beings have to live with as normal conditions, truly helps me stop looking at what I don't have and helps me better appreciate what I do have.  I had to be ready to do this before I could.  But at last I am ready.  And it is helping.

"I DO know that the stories I am telling myself ... make a HUGE difference."

 

Do I have times when I look around me and wish things were better?  Of course!  I am guessing that this pursuit of contentment will be a life-long project.  But I DO know that the stories I am telling myself, such as, "I am blessed with so much good fortune," rather than, "I have so little, and what I have is broken and disappearing," make a HUGE difference.  I could make an argument for each of those statements.  But living from the first belief makes me a happier person, whereas living from the second drops me into a cycle of misery.  It all lies in the story I am telling myself.  

Maybe that's what Jesus meant when he said, "Your stories have made you well...."

More on stories tomorrow.

Thanks for listening!  

In this Moment

Now let me say, I am a type "A."  I am a DO-er.  One of my least favourite types of moments is when I can't be doing something.  "Just sitting" is very hard work for me.  Meditation, silent retreats, moments of silence in conversation and worship, these take a great deal of effort for me to stay present.  I think that is why I prefer yoga as a meditation. I suspect that the steady movement of my body helps my brain to shut up more easily.

Maybe I am an undiagnosed ADHD poster child?

So lately I seem to be being called to look at this inner restlessness.  I observe a "hurry, hurry, hurry" inside of me.  I want to move on to the next thing so relentlessly that I am repeatedly missing the present thing.  I suspect that my inner restlessness is married to my inner perfectionist.  There is a strong part of me that analyzes and judges each moment, and MOST moments are judged inadequate in some way. So I am eager to pick up and move on to the next, in case it is better.  (This is all vastly unconscious as it is happening.  I discover it upon reflection.)

I liken this inner restlessness and discontent to an inner "geographic cure" syndrome.  "Geographic cure" is a term used in 12-step circles to name the ways we try to solve our inner problems with external changes.  "Things will be better once we move to the new house."  "Things will be better if I just switch jobs."

Sometimes those beliefs are true.

But more often than not, unfortunately, we take our inner problems with us no matter what external changes we make.  And my inner restlessness almost never settles down and is content.

So it is time to practice contentment.
More on that tomorrow.
Today I am noticing that THIS moment is actually quite fabulous.  The sun is shining and I have nothing I have to do today! (A rare day off!)   I am writing!  I have all that I truly need.