In this Moment

Now let me say, I am a type "A."  I am a DO-er.  One of my least favourite types of moments is when I can't be doing something.  "Just sitting" is very hard work for me.  Meditation, silent retreats, moments of silence in conversation and worship, these take a great deal of effort for me to stay present.  I think that is why I prefer yoga as a meditation. I suspect that the steady movement of my body helps my brain to shut up more easily.

Maybe I am an undiagnosed ADHD poster child?

So lately I seem to be being called to look at this inner restlessness.  I observe a "hurry, hurry, hurry" inside of me.  I want to move on to the next thing so relentlessly that I am repeatedly missing the present thing.  I suspect that my inner restlessness is married to my inner perfectionist.  There is a strong part of me that analyzes and judges each moment, and MOST moments are judged inadequate in some way. So I am eager to pick up and move on to the next, in case it is better.  (This is all vastly unconscious as it is happening.  I discover it upon reflection.)

I liken this inner restlessness and discontent to an inner "geographic cure" syndrome.  "Geographic cure" is a term used in 12-step circles to name the ways we try to solve our inner problems with external changes.  "Things will be better once we move to the new house."  "Things will be better if I just switch jobs."

Sometimes those beliefs are true.

But more often than not, unfortunately, we take our inner problems with us no matter what external changes we make.  And my inner restlessness almost never settles down and is content.

So it is time to practice contentment.
More on that tomorrow.
Today I am noticing that THIS moment is actually quite fabulous.  The sun is shining and I have nothing I have to do today! (A rare day off!)   I am writing!  I have all that I truly need.