Freedom Manifesto

The following is the result of an assignment for my yoga certification. Publishing it was encouraged, so here it is:

Alison Moore’s Freedom Manifesto

My desire for my life going forward is curiosity, compassion and a belief in transformation through creativity and play. I desire this to be my underlying resting state.

FREEDOM comes when I feel that I have choices and agency---when I feel I can change things that don’t work, and improve conditions that are not optimal. In the yogic principle of the union of opposites, the balancing attitude that I desire to cultivate is the simple acceptance of “what is.” These two attitudes may seem opposite (acceptance of what is vs desire for change), and yet I believe a healthy, balanced union of these two will bring me the greatest joy and serenity going forward.

“Acceptance of what is” shows up in compassionate non-judgment of what my body is able to do each day. Whether I experience a “good” practice full of obvious progress and feelings of strength and sweetness, or I navigate a “bad” practice because my energy is low and my asanas appear regressed, I wish to be peacefully present to what is. I wish to carry into each practice the knowledge that every single practice matters, and that the way I treat myself in a practice is the measure of the success of the practice, not how far I could extend or contract in a given asana.

Now, when I see something about myself that I want to change, I desire to notice it with curiosity and serenity. I want to say, “Huh. Interesting!” I want to have the willingness to approach the area that needs work with compassion and optimism and a sense of possibility. Previously I approached it with shame and the fear of what everyone else “must” think of me. My impulse was to hide the shortcoming or failure as quickly as possible. I do not wish to operate from fear of judgment or shame or a desire to hide anymore.

I want to continue to develop PERSPECTIVE or a “long view” which will keep me serene in the face of new challenges. Each challenge in the past has been surmounted, no matter how insurmountable each seemed at the time. When I remember this, I can face new challenges with more curiosity and creativity, and less fearful projections of “certain failure” and dire outcomes. “I got through those things and I can get through this.”

In relationships, I desire to be as authentic and “whole” as possible in each moment. This means I desire to own every piece of my life, and to tell the truth about my experiences with compassion and honesty. “The truth” is never harsh or unkind. It is neutral. The harsh or unkind comes when I attach blame or judgment or shame.  A whole lot of my work to this point has been in becoming free of extensive inner self-abuse and fearful thinking.  As these decrease, new space for honesty, clarity and compassion opens up.

As a speaker and teacher, I desire to lead from my vulnerability. I believe that this makes a space for truthful vulnerability in others. I wish to create SAFE spaces, which invite radical honesty and compassion and self-ownership in students and clients. My dream is that I will invite to these qualities and teach about these qualities and model these qualities as naturally as breathing. The goal of this shared vulnerability and mutual respect is REST.

To rest from hiding. To rest from pretending. To rest from struggling. To be FREE.

What would Brene Brown do?

When I show up with compassion and authenticity and a long perspective, life becomes lighter and easier. I am more patient and laugh more easily.

Authenticity is my freedom.  May I remain open to continuing the work gently and steadily that I might ever move into greater and greater authenticity.

January 13, 2018

Redundancies, Illness, and Spiritual Self Care

Dearest fellow humans,

A few years ago I had my old laptop in the shop due to its increased slowness and occasional freezing sessions.  I asked the technician why a computer slows down, rather than just stops when it is near death. It is a machine.  Why does it go from speedy to sluggish, like a human, rather than just stop working?

The technician explained things this way:  New computers have many redundancies built in.  If the information can't travel by one path, it takes another, or another, until it finishes its journey.

But as computers age, wear and tear on the circuitry begin to eliminate some of the redundancies. There are fewer and fewer paths for the information to travel on, which makes for traffic jams and longer, more complicated journeys.  The circuits get overwhelmed---rather like baristas at high-traffic Starbucks when mobile ordering became a thing.  It takes more time to do the same things it used to do with speed.

Whether this is an accurate metaphor for the inner workings of an old computer or not, it struck me that it serves as a metaphor for human functioning---especially for the functioning of humans with invisible illnesses.  We seek to function as normally as possible, but we have far fewer "redundancies" upon which to rely, and so we get slowed down and overwhelmed far faster than those blessed with robust health.

Then I began to reflect on the probability that a lot of us have found one or another of the demands of our society overwhelming, and have had to find work-arounds to keep on going.  I think of those with dyslexia, or those with brains that refuse to do math (tax time!) or those with PTSD that only surfaces under certain conditions---or any other of the myriad hurdles any one of us might live with on a daily basis. Perhaps ALL of us have some imperfection or another that we don't even realize we have adapted to because we have not been sufficiently blocked by it to pay attention?

I also noticed again how fruitless and ignorant it is to judge someone who is slower than we are---someone who struggles to do what we find easy.  We are such a judgy species!  What does the judging accomplish? Are we trying to shame them into better functioning?

I often judge myself when I am struggling to function.  It is my number-one, go-to response with myself.  "If I am hard on myself, I will try harder."  I use a stick, not a carrot. I know better, yet I still do it.

This capitalistic, "just try harder and go faster and be better" society urges me in more ways than I can count to earn more, strive more, learn more, "succeed" more, WANT more, have more. Though I know better---I truly do---I get caught again and again in this rat race, leaving behind my spiritual practices: meditation, yoga, contemplation, reading, writing, and art, for more shuffling of financial shells, more fear of debt, more running and working and worrying....

Yet I ever must DO THE OPPOSITE THING.

REST.

"But!  But!  But!"

REST.

My redundancies have been removed and removed until I can do very little BUT rest these days, despite the urgent inner voices clamouring about all the ways I am not enough.  My lack of redundancies are forcing me to face my most fearsome of demons: my own imperfection.  Though I know with my whole head that I am lovable just for existing, the message absorbed deep into my being (and that of many others, including, I suspect, a certain 5 year old that is running the country) is that I am not good enough, and must keep doing and achieving MORE to ...

...what?

Finally be lovable?  Finally be worthy?

Perhaps ... finally to escape the cruel and relentless voices of that inner demon.

That inner demon is the stick, the CLUB, the BASEBALL BAT WITH SPIKES behind us.

Meditation and compassion and the intentional side-stepping of fear and worry in order to see clearly is the carrot, the platter, the BANQUET calling us forward.

When I practice spiritual self care, the whole world changes.  My perspective changes.  My sense of ease expands.  My creativity in problem solving multiplies. My ability to transcend and find work-arounds for spiritual barriers grows and unfolds.

An abundance of paths to my heart's true desire are unveiled where before there had only been great walls. The spiritual "redundancies" abound.

But keeping my eyes clear requires continuously returning to my spiritual practices, even when the demon behind is screaming at me.  Simply getting onto my yoga mat or picking up my pen has become part of my spiritual practice, for it feels like work!  Why do I forget and resist so persistently?

For today, I remember.  For today I am grateful for the illnesses---or lack of worldly redundancies---that point me to my spiritual practices.  I forgive my forgetting.  I rejoice when I find myself again.

"No matter how much I get done, or is left undone, at the end of the day
I AM ENOUGH."

-Brene Brown

I'll see you on the mat.

The Union of Effort and Ease

The Union of Effort and Ease

For the past several months I have been job hunting.

Job hunting in New York City as a 54-year-old woman has been a lesson in powerlessness.

My first full day in New York I had an interview that went very well, and by the evening I was offered the job!  I brushed my hands together and thought, "Lucky me!  Mission accomplished! Where is that Staples Easy button?"

However, three weeks later I still had no communication from that employer, and after pursuit I found out that I wasn't hired after all, because that manager "had been told she wasn't allowed to hire anyone."  (I'm not sure what was going on there.  Weird.)

Fortunately I had continued sending out resumes, and did get other interviews, but nothing has resulted in a job.

So I got proactive, and started introducing myself to all the managers of the local Starbucks.  I learned their names and let them know I was wanting to work for them and to look for my name in the bank of resumes on the Starbucks hiring site.  This seemed to be greeted with enthusiasm and curiosity, which gave me hope.  I made sure my resume was fully updated and refreshed.

But ultimately, I was powerless.  Once I had done everything I could reasonably do, the rest had to be surrendered to the whims of chance.  This was made especially clear to me when, upon checking back in, the various managers all told me that my profile was "locked."  Apparently the original manager (that said I was hired my second day in the city) not only didn't have a job for me, she hadn't released my profile back into the Starbucks hiring pool.  She had made it impossible for any other Starbucks to hire me either!

I experienced a profound sense of helplessness when I heard that news---I was thrown into a profound narrative of victimization. "No matter what I do, the universe is against me.  I can do everything right and still experience no success.  Ultimately, I am powerless and helpless."

That is a terrible place to visit.

This tension between powerful and powerless is a deep and longstanding one in the human condition.  The twelve steps answers this tension by asking us to embrace our powerlessness.  It calls us into acceptance of all that we cannot control in life.  We are to tackle the things we can, but then let go of all that is beyond our control.  Ultimately, we are far less powerful than we would like to think, and acceptance of this fact can bring us tremendous peace.  It brings a sense of proportion to life and opens up a lot of forgiveness of ourselves and others.

It is the paradox embodied in yoga.  It is the paradox of life---to seek the union of things that seem diametrically opposed---strength and relaxation, taking action and surrendering, effort and ease.

Embracing my powerlessness actually gives me more genuine agency. Settling down to do what I can do and releasing all that is beyond me gives me much more peace of mind.

And so I realize that I am doing all I can.  I have focussed on three specific workplaces and done my research.  I have courted the managers, and honestly, I have been "hired" twice at one of my best choices, Starbucks. But I have yet to work a day, due to circumstances beyond my control.  Ugh.

I have done my part and am now utterly dependent on others, on technology, and on the whims of fate.  Acceptance of that and release of the outcomes is what brings peace.

If I am honest, life is pretty good. I have somewhere to live.  I have loving friends and family.  I have an education, enough to eat, and self-respect. That is more than a huge percentage of humans on this planet have. And I have the promise of a job, though every day of living without an income just sees the debt mounting.

Effort and ease.  Active and passive.  Do my part and let go of other people's part; which includes being at the mercy of those who are as human and flawed as I am.

Breathe and release.  No matter what comes my way, let it in and let it go again.

This is no easy spiritual "yoga pose"!  It is taking all I can do to stay present and keep breathing.  I want to be anywhere but here in this uncertainty and vulnerability.

Contentment lies just a few breaths away if I can just let it in.  Have I done all I can in this moment? Then I can let the struggle go.  Genuine contentment makes me more powerful.  Can I embrace that?  (I can, but will I?  Can I choose contentment in this moment?)

I will get back to you on that.

Finding Your Destiny - sermon Oct 26, 2014

If you would like to comment on this or any other posting without signing into Blogger, you may post a comment on one of the Facebook pages: https://www.facebook.com/InThisMomentBlog?ref=br_tf    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Church-Of-The-New-Jerusalem-Bath-Maine-Swedenborgian/426092594084806

“Finding Your Destiny”

Rev. Alison Longstaff, Oct 26, 2014

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Joshua 24: 1-2a, 14-18; Rev 21: 1-4; HH 402

There’s a gravestone somewhere near London England that reads, “Here lies Jeremy Brown, born a man and died a grocer.”

Now, this is humorous, but it is also a commentary on how one can become so identified with one’s job that one loses the self that one was created to be.

You see, every one of us hungers to live a life of purpose and meaning. But misfortune, setbacks, cynicism, or even societal expectations and pressures can silence that hunger, but it never truly goes away. We long to feel special; we long to feel that there is a reason that we were born. The book stores are full of self-help guides on how to discover our purpose in life—books with titles like: “Finding Your Own North Star,” “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” “Manifest Your Destiny,” “Just Who Will You Be?” and “Excavating Your Authentic Self,”—and they sell well for a reason.

We are complex beings. We live in the space between responsibility and possibility, between duty and dreams, pulled ever and always between the two. It can be a precarious place to live in this tug of war, faced with daily choices between creative playful risk and the heavy harness of obligation. We cannot simply abandon our spouse or children or work responsibilities to indulge some impractical dream—“I will move to Hollywood and become a famous actress!” (No matter how much appeal that might have some days). Yet it is a terrible shame when we allow ourselves to succumb to the “shoulds” and judgments in our culture, letting our creativity wither and our dreams die.

There is a balance we must strike in life between time in the harness of duty and out of it, yet many of us in adult life let go completely of our ability to play and dream, and it is then that we risk “dying a grocer.”

Let me read to you from Irish poet and priest, John O’Donahue:

“For millions of years, before you arrived here, the dream of your individuality was carefully prepared. You were sent to a shape of destiny in which you would be able to express the special gift you bring to the world.

If you can awaken this sense of destiny, you come into rhythm with your life. You fall out of rhythm when you renege on your potential and talent, when you settle for mediocre as a refuge from the call. When you lose rhythm, your life becomes wearyingly deliberate or anonymously automatic. Rhythm is the secret key to balance and belonging." (Anam Cara, p 84)

O’Donahue speaks a very Swedenborgian truth here: that we all were indeed created with a special purpose in mind—that God made you and me with an eye to eternity and an intention for a unique job in heaven that will fulfill us beyond our wildest dreams. We can begin to awake to that purpose here and now, but the key lies in being willing to be open to finding a sacred rhythm to our life, and being willing to dig deep into our courage and love. Developing this awareness can require some introspection, often in the form of meditation or journaling—undertakings many of us avoid like the dentist. I personally believe in the transformative power of daily journal writing with all my heart, and yet have an amazing ability to postpone it, neglect it, and forget it all together.

You see, the journey of opening up our inner selves is work. It is not easy. But it is immeasurably worth it. Still, building time and space in our lives for our own spiritual development is like trying to convince a budget-challenged school board to keep a full arts and music program. For some reason, spiritual work is always the first to get dropped and forgotten in our busy lives.

And we do lead busy lives. All the time-saving devices we have invented have simply given us permission to cram more activity into our days. We are frightened to miss any opportunity, and even with all the things and activities we have already packed into our ridiculously privileged North American lives, we have a hard time saying no to anything. One of the hardest, hardest things for us to do today in our culture is to slow down. It is as if the speed itself holds the key to our salvation, and taking any time to simply be, can bring up enormous anxiety for souls accustomed to living in top gear.

Listen to this ancient bit of wisdom: Once there was a man exploring Africa. He was in a desperate hurry on a trip through the jungle. He had three or four native Africans helping him carry his equipment. He urged them forward at great speed for about three days. At the end of the third day, the Africans sat down and would not move. He insisted that they get up, telling them of the pressure he was under to reach his destination before a certain date. But they refused to move. He could not understand this. He tried all sorts of persuasions, yet they still refused to move. Finally, he got one of them to admit the reason. This native said, "We have moved too quickly to reach here; now we need to wait to give our spirits a chance to catch up with us."

Many of us chuckle at this quaint-seeming wisdom.  And yet I bet each one of us has experienced the consequences of not “letting our spirits catch up” in one way or another. We can become so disconnected from the rhythm of the spiritual process, that we can no longer sense when we need to stop and care for our souls. And so we get sick, or in some other way are forced to slow down, no matter how outwardly inconvenient. We know that slowing down and looking inward through yoga, or meditation, regular journaling, or perhaps attending a church that feeds our inner life will do us good, but do we let ourselves do it?  Accomplishing one more task can be so compelling….

Believe it or not, our Scripture passage from Joshua today was speaking to a similar dynamic in the spiritual journey. In fact, the more I study the Bible through a Swedenborgian lens, the more I am amazed to see that it is full of the psychology of the human spiritual journey.

The Bible says the same thing, over and over again in all sorts of ways: that this life is a journey with a divine purpose; that there will be challenges, struggles, and tremendous blessings; and that, though we seem to lose Eden, we are destined at the end of the journey for a place even better—the Holy City.

So what did I find in the scripture from Joshua? Well, let’s take a look.

Joshua assembles all the people before God at Shechem. Shechem, says Swedenborg, symbolizes ancient wisdom. He calls it our “first real inner light.” Gathering at Shechem then, is describing a time when we remember or re-collect our early, innocent trust in God. The children of Israel have come a long way by this point. They have travelled through the wilderness and entered Canaan. They have fought many battles, and are now settled in the land with a system of cities and laws, divided into tribes by region. Joshua is coming to the end of his life, and is preparing the people for life without him.

So he brings them before the Lord in a place that reminds them of all the Lord has done for them so far. He reminds them of their history—of what life was like before they began their journey following the Lord. When he says, “beyond the river and in Egypt” this is a metaphor for the time before we begin our spiritual work. Egypt means head-knowledge; it means living an external or relatively shallow life. It also symbolizes times when we think our thinking will be our salvation. Egypt is “beyond the River” because we have not yet started the true spiritual journey. God may be in our head, but is not yet in our heart. Having God in our head can be a foundation for a spiritual life, but it becomes slavery until and unless we allow God to move into our hearts.

Keeping God in our heads is the idolatry that Joshua is warning against. Keeping God in our heads can be sacrificing ourselves on the altar of duty; it can mean hiding behind our careers and our family obligations to avoid the work of excavating our souls. Are we living a role because it is safe? Are we following someone else’s formula for what being a good grown-up looks like, while slowly dying inside? That is idol worship. That is not following a living God. That is the slavery of Egypt. But God offers us the chance to come out of Egypt, from the land of slavery, any time we are ready.

To do so, we need to be willing to make some changes. It can be scary to leave Egypt. In Egypt we have structure, we know our place. Leaving Egypt requires a plunge into the wilderness, where every day we must trust God to take care of us.

We leave Egypt every time we choose to live in our hearts and not just our heads. When Joshua dies, the Children of Israel are facing a whole new journey—life without their fearless, triumphant leader. It is time for them to grow up a little more and step into a greater level of spiritual maturity. That is why Joshua calls them to assemble at Shechem. He is preparing them. “Remember,” he says, “the God that brought you out of Egypt?” He reminds them of all that God has done for them so far, leading them every step of the way. Then he says “Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.”

Why is this story important? Haven’t they already chosen to follow God again and again? This story is here, because a big part of the spiritual journey requires a constant recommitment to the work. Our human nature, which loves safety and security, will face a repeated impulse to run back to known territory, even if “known territory” involves “slavery.”

We all long to live passionately and follow God’s call and find our inner purpose, don’t we? And yet we all long to be safe and stable and secure; and often those two things look mutually exclusive, like duty and dreams.

But stepping into the self that we were made to be, or choosing to “serve the Lord,” will become the deepest security we could ever know, if we are willing to make the journey. It is a different kind of security that trades the external trappings of security for deep spiritual peace. When we choose to pursue and excavate the self that God created us to be, we are choosing to live on a spiritual foundation, not a material one. And choosing that is choosing life.

The spiritual journey is not for the faint of heart. Yet is also invites far greater magic and joy than you will ever know in Egypt.

Who here has seen the Harry Potter movies or read the books? Well, there comes a moment of crisis in one story-line where Harry has a life-or-death task. To be sure he succeeds, he drinks a magic potion that brings incredible good fortune to the one who drinks it. After he swallows it he marches off in the opposite direction from where everyone—viewers, readers, and characters in the story itself—thinks he should go. But he throws off the protesting hands of his friends and follows the deep inner knowing of what he needs to do, following a path that makes no sense, but which ultimately brings him to exactly what he needed to save the day.

All I can say is, that when one steps into the flow of God’s providence, and truly listens to the inner promptings of one’s heart, life begins to feel and act like this. You will drink in God’s promise of abundant life, and find yourself sometimes making choices that make no sense and do not fit anything your head thinks. Yet somehow, the actions taken under this gut-level guidance can bring answers to prayers that were unanswerable. I will attest to this without reservation.

Raise your hand if you have had experiences like this.  One of my best friends bought a house under such circumstances.  It made no sense in so many ways, and yet something in her gut told her—and so many odd signs pointed to—that move being exactly what her family needed to take the next step in their lives. Many years later that move has proved to be a great blessing.  Living in that house has made many things in their life easier and has supported them through some very tough circumstances in ways they could never have anticipated.

She reports that it was terrifying to trust that gut feeling, and yet something told her she had to trust it.  And it brought good outcomes in ways she never could have envisioned.  I believe that this is a manifestation of a spiritual law or dynamic: when we follow that deep inner knowing from God and trust it, no matter how crazy the choice may look on paper, we do indeed find increasing magic and good outcomes in our lives.

First we must align ourselves with God, then we must undertake some spiritual discipline that invites our spiritual growth, and then we open ourselves up to the still small voice. When we can do these things, we will keep a balance between the health of our souls and the responsibilities of our outer life.

And that is when magic happens.  When you can do these things, the person you were created to be will begin to emerge bringing increased joy and happiness and fulfillment.

I will close with this quote from John O’Donahue:

“If someone else could fulfill your destiny, they would be in your place, and you would not be here. It is in the depths of your life that you will discover the invisible necessity that has brought you here. When you begin to decipher this, your gift and giftedness come alive. Your heart quickens and the urgency of living rekindles your creativity.” (Anam Cara, p 84)

Amen.

The Readings

Joshua 24: 1-2a, 14-18 Then Joshua assembled all the tribes of Israel at Shechem. He summoned the elders, leaders, judges and officials of Israel, and they presented themselves before God. Joshua said to all the people, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: “Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Then the people answered, “Far be it from us to forsake the Lord to serve other gods! It was the Lord our God himself who brought us and our parents up out of Egypt, from that land of slavery, and performed those great signs before our eyes. He protected us on our entire journey and among all the nations through which we traveled. And the Lord drove out before us all the nations, including the Amorites, who lived in the land. We too will serve the Lord, because he is our God.”

Revelation 21:1-4 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.  Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with humanity, and God will live among them, and they shall be God’s people. God will be within and among them and be their God.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Heaven and Hell 402. All the delights of heaven are brought together and are present in one’s purpose or form of service, because service, springing from one’s created purpose, is the natural result (good outcome) of the very love and goodwill in which angels dwell. Everyone feels delight according to his or her purpose and according to his or her dedication to that purpose.

Yoga For The Soul

On Sunday, July 27th we concluded our three-part series entitled “Yoga for the Soul.”

The series was entitled “Yoga for the Soul” for a few reasons.

I have been learning and practicing yoga since about 2007, and it has been transformative both physically and spiritually.    My physical practice gives me information about my spiritual practice. This means, how I am with myself on the yoga mat is just how I am with myself in life.  Am I comparing myself to others?  Do I take a lot of pride in poses that come easily?  Do I “beat up” on myself if a movement or posture is hard?  Do I set my goals too high, and then decide I am a failure when I cannot achieve them quickly and easily?  Do I give up too easily?  The lessons go on and on.

At BCNJ, we are trying to develop good spiritual habits, and these take practice, self-observation and time as well.  When we are intentionally trying to grow and mature in our spirits, we are doing inner yoga, or yoga for our souls.  Just like physical yoga, spiritual yoga can be sometimes a struggle and sometimes restful, sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes pleasurable, sometimes quite easy and sometimes it seems quite impossible.

Our specific topic was Sabbath rest.  Taking our rest is almost pathologically difficult for many of us.  The final pose in many yoga traditions is “resting pose.”  It involves lying quietly on one’s back and letting all worries melt away.  And yet it is often considered unimportant—it is often skipped—when it is one of the most difficult and most important poses of all.  Like giving ourselves Sabbath rest, the resting pose is often overlooked, skimped on, or forgotten.  I include myself in this description!  I struggle with allowing myself true spiritual rest time.  Yet God actually commands us to “remember” Sabbath rest.

Sabbath rest can look like quiet time—just spending time with ourselves without distraction or entertainment.  MANY of us find that hard to do.  But it can also look like various forms of playful creative exploration.  It can be improvisational movement, or journaling, drawing, or humming something new.  It can be almost anything that brings on an altered state (without drugs!). It can happen while gardening or running, knitting or cycling, meditating, reading sacred scripture, or even while building a jigsaw puzzle.

Yet we resist allowing ourselves this play and rest—this TRUE, spiritual play and rest, (not just solitaire on the computer).  In our sessions we discussed what we found spiritually restorative; why and how we resisted spiritual rest; and what we might do to clear the blocks and remember to include spiritually restful times in our busy schedules.

May your summer continue to be restful and restorative!

Peace, Rev. Alison

"Great Expectations" - sermon from Sunday, March 30th

Great Expectations

Rev Alison Longstaff, March 30, 2014

Bath Church of the New Jerusalem

Habakkuk 2: 18-20; Luke 7: 24-35; HS 3857:6-7 Portions

Happiness is equal to reality divided by expectations. - Jodi Picoult from the novel, 19 Minutes

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations. - Michael J. Fox

Did you know that “all true yoga instructors should be vegan”?  Well, actually, there is a yogic principle called “Ahimsa” and it means non-violence” or “do no harm.”  This is a broad principle with many applications.  But, because people are people, in our North American yoga culture “Ahimsa” has become narrowed down in meaning until it has become the expectation “be vegan.”  My favorite yoga teacher in Waterloo, Ontario—a top-notch instructor and excellent human being—gets judged regularly by other yoga practitioners when they discover she’s not vegan.  She’s not even a vegetarian, shockingly enough, though she dabbles in both from time to time.  This teacher lives and breathes and works diligently at non-harming in all aspects of her life, especially in her relationships and business practices; yet some yogis judge her for not living according to their rules, which is that “all true yoga instructors should be vegan.”

Brilliant author, life coach, and writer for O Magazine, Martha Beck, experienced a similar collision with other people’s expectations.  In her book, Expecting Adam, she describes her experience when she discovered that she was carrying a Down’s syndrome child.  She was working on a degree at Harvard at the time and suddenly found herself a political pawn, caught between warring expectations.  Many of her fellow academics and professors assumed she would abort, reacting with horror and judgment when they discovered that she was going to go ahead and “bring an idiot child” into the world.  One doctor even went on a campaign to convince her that she was doing herself, the world, and her unborn child a heinous disservice by not aborting immediately.

Conversely, once word got out that Martha was not going to abort, she was besieged by folks who wanted to make her the poster child for the pro-life movement.  They rushed up with all sorts of expectations about what she believed and what she would be willing to do for their cause, and they got very angry with her when she wanted just to be left alone with her decision.  She did not want to be telling anyone else what they should or shouldn't do in a similar situation.  On top of having to deal with her own grief and loss in discovering her baby’s special needs, she found herself battling insults and arguments from both sides of an ideological war by people who were trying to force her to behave according to their expectations.

In the gospel stories we see the clash between what Jesus was expected to be and do for his people, and what His actual mission was.  The Jews of the day had long been expecting a Messiah—a Messiah that would free them from Roman dominion, restore their Temple to its former glory, and establish an earthly kingdom of unassailable power and might.  The disciples themselves expected to be elevated to positions of power alongside Jesus when He became “King.”

But Jesus’ purpose was to teach and model that the important things are not physical power and might but the spiritual realities of love, service, humility, and compassion.  But the incredibly dense disciples kept mishearing Jesus’s actual message, deafened to it by their overriding expectations of what they thought He was supposed to be.   “Yeah, yeah, ‘love,’ okay.  But seriously, can I sit at Your right hand in the Kingdom?  I asked first!”

The thing about expectations is that the more attached we are to what we imagine something should be, the more blinded we will be to what it really is.  The more attached we are to our expectations of anyone or anything, the more likely we are to be disappointed or angry when that person or group or event doesn’t measure up to what we expect.  There is a direct correlation between our expectations in relation to reality and our happiness.

We live in a world full of expectations.  We all have them.  Expectations are not bad things.  We need expectations or we couldn't function.  We expect the floor to support us when we get out of bed.  We expect the air we breathe to be relatively safe and life-sustaining. We expect our hearts to beat and our blood to circulate.    

It is good to become aware of how some of our expectations affect our own and each other’s happiness.  Our default setting is to project our expectations onto others, and we do it all the time.  We can’t help it.  We just do, without even thinking.  We expect others to have the same “script” we do.  Then when someone inevitably doesn't behave or speak or choose the way they are supposed to, we tend to get rather grumpy with them and possibly quite judgmental.

Have you ever gotten annoyed with someone for not doing what you thought they should do?  Conversely, have you experienced someone being mad at you for not doing something they expected you to do, and you had no idea they expected it of you?

How recently have you found yourself thinking something along the lines of, “If that person really loved me, he or she would have known or done ...” Or perhaps something like, “All good church members (or committee members or family members or spouses, etc.) should know that we always … (fill in the blank)”?

And now realize that each one of those thoughts is rich with information about you and what you expected, and not-so-much information about what someone else should have said or done.  It can be uncomfortable work to unearth our expectations and realize that the things we have assumed are not the global, universal rules for everyone that we think they should be. But I promise you: the more you uncover and identify the expectations you place upon yourself and others, the more you will be able to realize how you have contributed to past miscommunications and disappointments in your relationships, and the more you will be able to both avoid, and/or navigate wisely such miscommunications and disappointments in the future.  You will have much more space to choose your responses, and be much more aware of your own expectations and be able to communicate around them rather than just project them onto others and then be disappointed.

 

All of our unacknowledged, hidden expectations have the potential to do harm to the health and well-being of all our relationships.  The spiritual work of getting to know oneself and learn about one’s own expectations pays off big time when it comes to managing personal happiness and having healthy relationships.  It simply pays to become more self-aware, because then we can own and manage our expectations, and reduce the potential harm we might do by speaking and acting from them without thought.

How tragic that Martha Beck had to defend her decision not to abort her baby from warriors on both ends of the abortion divide. 

How ironic that the principle of Ahimsa (or non-harming) is used as a justification for judgment, contempt, and exclusion.

How naive it was for the disciples to expect Jesus to overthrow the Roman government, and make the Jews great again in the land of Canaan.

And yet that is us.  It is what we do, again and again, until we learn better.

We have expectations of ourselves, of those we love, and of God; and unless examined, they can all get in the way of healthy relationships.

When someone is letting you down, know that it is connected to your expectations.  The part you can control and change is what you expected.  Sometimes our expectations are justified; sometimes not.  Regardless, it is reality that we must embrace, not what should have been.

Go easy on yourself and others.  Do no harm.  Assume the best when you can.  Try, try not to get mad at others for not living their lives according to your conscience.  And know that God’s plan is always bigger than we can envision, more wise than we can imagine, and more loving than our wildest dreams.  It is okay if we can’t see the Big Picture yet.  Isn't it cute that we expect we can?

The Readings:

Habakkuk 2: 18-20  “An idol does no good, because a human made it; it is only a statue that teaches lies.  The one who made it expects his own work to help him, but he makes idols that can’t even speak!  ¹⁹ How terrible it will be for the one who says to a wooden statue, ‘Come to life!’  How terrible it will be for the one who says to a silent stone, ‘Get up!’  It cannot tell you what to do.  It is only a statue covered with gold and silver; there is no life in it.
²⁰ The Lord is in his Holy Temple; all the earth should be silent in his presence.”

Luke 7: 24-35

²⁴ When John’s followers left, Jesus began talking to the people about John: “What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed blown by the wind? ²⁵ What did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, people who have fine clothes and much wealth live in kings’ palaces. ²⁶ But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, and I tell you, John is more than a prophet. ²⁷ This was written about him:

‘I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare the way for you.’ (Malachi 3:1)

²⁸ I tell you, John is greater than any other person ever born, but even the least important person in the kingdom of God is greater than John.”

²⁹ (When the people, including the tax collectors, heard this, they all agreed that God’s teaching was good, because they had been baptized by John. ³⁰ But the Pharisees and experts on the law refused to accept God’s plan for themselves; they did not let John baptize them.)

³¹ Then Jesus said, “What shall I say about the people of this time? What are they like? ³² They are like children sitting in the marketplace, calling to one another and saying,

‘We played music for you, but you did not dance; we sang a sad song, but you did not cry.’

³³ John the Baptist came and did not eat bread or drink wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon in him.’ ³⁴ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! He eats too much and drinks too much wine, and he is a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ ³⁵ But wisdom is proved to be right by what it does.”

HS 3857:6-7 (Portions) HuSuch also was mankind was such when the Lord came into the world that we had grown even more concrete-minded, especially those who were members of the Church. This is illustrated by the disciples who were unable to understand things in a metaphorical or abstract manner, even though they were with the Lord constantly and hearing so many teachings about His kingdom. They were unable to have any other concept … of the Messiah than that He would promote their race to a position of power and glory over all the nations of the world. Even after hearing so many things from the Lord about the heavenly kingdom, the disciples were still unable to think anything else than that the heavenly kingdom would be like an earthly kingdom, where God the Father would be supreme, after Him the Son, and then themselves the twelve.

[7] If they had been told that the word 'disciples' was not used to mean themselves but all people who are truly good and are living a conscientious life, or that in the Lord's kingdom there are no thrones and no positions of government and dominion, and that they would not be able to pass judgment on even the smallest aspect of any other person, they would have rejected those teachings, and each would have left the Lord and gone back to his own employment. The Lord spoke in the way He did so that the disciples would receive what He said and gradually be lead to think more spiritually or abstractly. Spiritual or internal truth always lies stored within the Lord’s external words, and in course of time can be laid bare.