I am a Goddess - Reflections on "Perfect"

I am a Goddess

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Heck.  "I am a goddess" is a LOT more fun to live with than the broken record that has been running in my head most of my life.  ("I am too fat, too stupid, to clumsy, and too ignorant to be lovable; but if I fake witty, intelligent, competence I might get crumbs of love for short periods of time." That's the old story and it just hasn't been a lot of fun.)

So I'm changing my story.

I am chucking out my old deadly-serious-struggle, and worry, and hyper-responsibility, and "if-I-try-very-hard-maybe-God-will-love-love-me" thinking.  I'm working on a much more playful, hopeful approach to life.  So I'm going with, "I am a goddess!"

(Now, chucking the old hyper-responsible struggle feels a bit like trying to pull a magician's scarf out of my sleeve.  It just keeps coming and coming and coming....  But hey, it is bound to end one day.  And if not, I am determined to go down trying to shift this energy.  Every little bit helps, right?)

What does it mean when I say, "I am a goddess?"  It means I don't deserve constant put-downs (from my own inner critic).  It means I deserve loving support (from my own soul)!  It means I no longer wish to go around with a beaten-puppy energy.  I want to hold my head high and smile into people's eyes from a deeply content centre.  (Not smile so that they won't hate me.  Not smile to placate.  Smile from inner peace!)

Yeah, okay.  Those of you who have known me a long time may be thinking, "You've been learning this for a long time already, girl!"  And you'd be right.  I am simply newly excited to be re-learning this at an even deeper level than before.  And yes, this is probably going to be a life-long lesson.  (Like yoga!)

"Whereas 'worthless worm' thinking made me live a life in which I craved constant reassurance.... 'I am a goddess' thinking puts me in a much more playful, open consciousness."  

IN FACT: (she shouted) I suspect that many more people on the planet than just I struggle with an inner "worthless worm" mentality.  It is heavy in many religious circles.  In fact, I have felt and witnessed a terror of letting go of "worthless worm" thinking.  But I have to ask, why are we so attached to beating ourselves up?  What are we afraid of?

Because when I look at the FRUITS, all I know is that, whereas "worthless worm" thinking made me live a life in which I craved constant reassurance, and in which I have been pretty needy, and because of which I was sustaining a constant low-level of anxiety and fear; "I am a goddess" thinking puts me in a much more playful, open consciousness.  I am much more present to the beauty around me.  I am much less critical of others.  I am looking for the beauty in each person and each moment; and I am much more trusting that it is "well with my soul."

And I believe, having been living this way a little while, that because my belief is that it is well with my soul, it IS well with my soul. And believing that it is well with my soul frees me up to be more loving with others.  And in my book, that is the whole point.
So "I am a goddess!"  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Know you are made of love, and live it!
Alison

"You're so mean when you talk about yourself.  You are wrong!

Change the voices in your head.  Make them like you instead!

The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear ...
So cool in line and we try, try, try; but we try too hard, 

and it's a waste of my time.

Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere.
They don't like my jeans; They don't get my hair.
We estrange ourselves, and we do it all the time.
Why do we do that?

Why do I do that?
Why do I do that?

Oh! Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than---Less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!"

(From "Perfect" by Pink)