My Bottom Line

I went to the Christian Doctrine Professor here at the seminary for some help and advice.
He was terrific---a good listener, and just enough questions to guide me to find my way.
One thing he asked me was, "What is your bottom line?"
I asked, "What? In relation to my marriage? my career? my church? my family?"
He nodded gently and said, "Yes."

I really need to think about that. What are my non-negotiables? And what does it mean if I smack into one? Life in relationship always involves compromise, but there are some things that we cannot compromise on. Every organization and every person has good and bad things about them (it? ... him? her?...) Some things we are willing to overlook; some we are not.

It would take A WHOLE LOT to bring me to a state of complete inability to continue in my marriage. There is so very much that is good about it. How does one decide when to amputate?
Sometimes that decision has to be made.
I'm not there yet. Professor Kelly helped me see, through his questions, that I'm not there yet.

But I sure am aware of how possible it is for someone to continue along for years in an ailing marriage, because "amputation" is so unthinkable. And there's always that hope that it will get better.... Like a carrot....

In relationship to my church of origin, I think I have hit my non-negotiables.
I can not trust or respect a church that doesn't trust and respect me. My church home MUST value women equally with men to be trustworthy and balanced in my eyes. It mustn't use revelation to justify repression and call it, "God's plan." It must have a view of people as human---in God's image---FIRST and as gendered second, if at all.

I believe that committed monogamy is pschologically and socially beneficial, and that promiscuity is a symptom of inner unhappiness and the inability to be truly intimate, and that it is spiritually and psychologically hurtful. So I have no problem with homosexual committed long-term relationships. I believe churches need to welcome PEOPLE, and it is none of our business what their orientation is. A church that does not welcome (identified) homosexuals unless they "look" normal and profess that they are innately wrong and need to be cured, is not a church where I belong.

My bottom line.