Cain and Abel and the Stages of Spirituality

So, I’m a student of the Psychology of Religion.

Scholars have done studies on the developmental stages of faith—meaning there ARE stages of faith from less mature to more mature. Early stages rely on an external authority. They are very rules-based and about doing things “right” according to the authority and the rules. There is usually an innocence or naïveté because folks don’t know better, they can’t be more progressive yet, and they absolutely want to be “saved".

The hardest shift is between level 3 and level 4 spirituality (according to James Fowler) when a person shifts from an external authority to an internal authority, and from a head-based religion to a heart-based religion. (Richard Rohr simplifies it as early life—stages 1, 2, 3—and later life—stages 4 and up.) The people around them who are still in a rules- and authority-based religion are particularly threatened by their shift and do not understand it. I liken it to learning to swim. People who have not learned to swim cling to the side of the pool and call out in fear at their loved ones who are starting to let go and swim in the water.

(Does this information help in understanding the ways people do religion that can be so different?)

If you are raised by people who are in stage 4 or higher level of spiritual development, you still have to go through your own stages, but everything about the way they live encourages you to move into a thoughtful, heart-based approach to life. But if you are raised by people who are “clinging to the side of the pool” in an authoritative “you will only be safe if you stick with us” religion, it is much much harder to take the next developmental step into heart-wisdom, because most of the people around you are screaming that you are going to “die”. They don't want you to notice all the people that you’re finding who are living from their hearts and yet are not "dead".

This theory has helped me a lot in understanding why people do religion the way they do. Levels five and higher in spiritual development don’t even look like “religion”, because they are so respectful of the individual spiritual journey. They tend to be empowering, not controlling.

How is this connected to Cain and Abel? (Genesis 4)

My childhood tradition's teachings say that Cain represents “the need to be right” and Abel represents “being loving from deep wisdom.” They are brothers because they are ways of doing religion. Cain is born first (early spirituality) and Abel second (later life spirituality). Cain resents and does not understand why God favors Abel (the more mature and genuine spirituality). Cain is threatened by Abel and wants God's favor too, not understanding the shifts he still has to make in his motivations and perspective. And threatened, Cain “kills” Abel thinking that that is the way to win God's attention and favor (someone clearly isn't reading the manual). Cain-energy in life will always kill Abel-energy. Judgy, controlling, need-to-be-perfect-and-right ways of doing religion (or politics) will always attack and criticize and invalidate loving, inclusive, service-focused ways of doing religion (and politics). It’s just the way people are. There's a foundational shift that needs to happen from "I've got mine, screw you" to "We are all in this together; if you are suffering, we are all suffering".

We all have a tendency to be drawn into the need to be right and "win" arguments. We value a sense of cognitive security and don't like perspectives that threaten our foundational narrative of how life (God, "salvation") works. Arguing with someone about how they are wrong is rarely effective because they are so emotionally invested in "staying alive" (maintaining the reality they have known and trusted until this point).

If you don't know how to swim, moving into deep water means death.

Questioning religious dogma is moving into deep water. It is essential that we learn to swim so as to be much freer and to realize how life-giving swimming can be. But everything in Cain-level development screams "death!" unless you are surrounded by loving swimmers encouraging you to try swimming.

The same way you can't teach a child to read until they have reached reading readiness, you can't force a lower level spiritual seeker to be ready to think for themselves until they are ready AND feel safe enough to try. Some birds are pushed from the nest, some fly with sufficient encouragement, but some have parents telling them that flying equals death.

So just love everybody to bits.

Try not to judge because people are (possibly stuck) where they are for good reason.

Learn to draw firm boundaries with those who want to push their beliefs on you (spiritual violation) even as you stop trying to push your beliefs onto others (still a spiritual violation, no matter how "right" you are).

This is my distillation of theology and psychology. It is not to be used as a club to force others to agree. Just a balm and guide for those who need a helpful perspective.

For more scholarship on the stages of faith you might start here:

https://www.institute4learning.com/2020/06/12/the-stages-of-faith-according-to-james-w-fowler/

For counseling and empowerment on your spiritual journey, you may contact me here:

https://pastoralison.com/

I do talk therapy as well as weddings.

Freedom Manifesto

The following is the result of an assignment for my yoga certification. Publishing it was encouraged, so here it is:

Alison Moore’s Freedom Manifesto

My desire for my life going forward is curiosity, compassion and a belief in transformation through creativity and play. I desire this to be my underlying resting state.

FREEDOM comes when I feel that I have choices and agency---when I feel I can change things that don’t work, and improve conditions that are not optimal. In the yogic principle of the union of opposites, the balancing attitude that I desire to cultivate is the simple acceptance of “what is.” These two attitudes may seem opposite (acceptance of what is vs desire for change), and yet I believe a healthy, balanced union of these two will bring me the greatest joy and serenity going forward.

“Acceptance of what is” shows up in compassionate non-judgment of what my body is able to do each day. Whether I experience a “good” practice full of obvious progress and feelings of strength and sweetness, or I navigate a “bad” practice because my energy is low and my asanas appear regressed, I wish to be peacefully present to what is. I wish to carry into each practice the knowledge that every single practice matters, and that the way I treat myself in a practice is the measure of the success of the practice, not how far I could extend or contract in a given asana.

Now, when I see something about myself that I want to change, I desire to notice it with curiosity and serenity. I want to say, “Huh. Interesting!” I want to have the willingness to approach the area that needs work with compassion and optimism and a sense of possibility. Previously I approached it with shame and the fear of what everyone else “must” think of me. My impulse was to hide the shortcoming or failure as quickly as possible. I do not wish to operate from fear of judgment or shame or a desire to hide anymore.

I want to continue to develop PERSPECTIVE or a “long view” which will keep me serene in the face of new challenges. Each challenge in the past has been surmounted, no matter how insurmountable each seemed at the time. When I remember this, I can face new challenges with more curiosity and creativity, and less fearful projections of “certain failure” and dire outcomes. “I got through those things and I can get through this.”

In relationships, I desire to be as authentic and “whole” as possible in each moment. This means I desire to own every piece of my life, and to tell the truth about my experiences with compassion and honesty. “The truth” is never harsh or unkind. It is neutral. The harsh or unkind comes when I attach blame or judgment or shame.  A whole lot of my work to this point has been in becoming free of extensive inner self-abuse and fearful thinking.  As these decrease, new space for honesty, clarity and compassion opens up.

As a speaker and teacher, I desire to lead from my vulnerability. I believe that this makes a space for truthful vulnerability in others. I wish to create SAFE spaces, which invite radical honesty and compassion and self-ownership in students and clients. My dream is that I will invite to these qualities and teach about these qualities and model these qualities as naturally as breathing. The goal of this shared vulnerability and mutual respect is REST.

To rest from hiding. To rest from pretending. To rest from struggling. To be FREE.

What would Brene Brown do?

When I show up with compassion and authenticity and a long perspective, life becomes lighter and easier. I am more patient and laugh more easily.

Authenticity is my freedom.  May I remain open to continuing the work gently and steadily that I might ever move into greater and greater authenticity.

January 13, 2018

Ask Why - a sermon

“Ask Why”
Rev. Alison Longstaff, May 31, 2015
Bath Church of the New Jerusalem
Deuteronomy 4: 32-40; Matthew 10:22-30; TC 508

Judgment comes from fear.  Curiosity comes from love.

When you find yourself judging, see if you can be curious instead.

True Christianity #508

One day there appeared to me a magnificent temple. It was square in form, and its roof was in the shape of a crown, with soaring arches rising on high all round. Its walls were continuous windows of crystal and its gate of a pearly substance. Within on the south side, and facing the west was a pulpit on the right of which lay the open Word, surrounded with a blaze of light whose brightness enveloped and illuminated the whole pulpit. 

When I approached nearer I saw this inscription over the gate, "Now it is permitted" which means that it is now acceptable for people to explore with intelligence the deep questions of faith.  - Emanuel Swedenborg

Today is “Trinity Sunday” in mainstream North American Christianity.  Many Christian preachers across the continent are tackling the topic of how God can be both three and one at the same time.  I sat through a Lutheran classmate’s sermon one Trinity Sunday back in Canada and felt deeply grateful to be Swedenborgian.  What a challenging theology!

Swedenborgians simply don’t do the trinity the same way most Christians do.  We are solidly anchored in the belief in one God.  There is one God, and Jesus was that one God come down to earth.  That is orthodox Swedenborgianism, (and yes, it has gotten us into trouble with other Christians through the years).

Why do we believe what we do about the trinity?  That is a great question!

But I am not up here this morning to argue for or against the various interpretations of the trinity through the ages.  I am here to support the questioning.

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers,” said Voltaire.

Who here has read, The Shack by William P. Young?  I experienced a squirming discomfort with the representation of the trinity (as three distinct people) when I read it.  That representation of the trinity was simply “wrong” in my mind.  But fortunately I also felt curiosity.  Having walked beside and come to love fellow seminarians who had to work within the trinitarian model, I had developed a curiosity about how they navigated that whole puzzle.  I had seen and heard quite a few creative and redemptive interpretations, and I had to admit that The Shack’s speculative representation had a certain appeal.  I still prefer the Swedenborgian resolution of the Trinity, but within its paradigm it is a strikingly creative solution to a sticky conundrum.

Prejudice closed me to anything good that The Shack offered.  Curiosity opened me up to the story it had to tell, and left me in respect for the storyteller and the courageous tackling of some very challenging material.  In the end it was of no consequence if I “agreed” or “disagreed” with the interpretation of the trinity. Compassion for the heartbreak and deep wrestling in the story is what mattered.  Doctrinal differences over the trinity became irrelevant before the deep questions springing from the main character’s broken heart.

Fear and judgment shut us down.  Love and curiosity open us up.

“Curiosity is a willing, a proud, and eager confession of ignorance,” said S. Leonard Rubinstein.

If you are willing, raise your hand if, at some point in your life, you felt shamed or reprimanded for asking a question.  If you were asking a spiritual teacher, spiritual guilt was probably added to the shame and the reprimand.  I personally think that shaming someone for asking a theological question is a form of spiritual abuse, especially if it is a child.

Children are born asking, “Why?”  I suspect that we would keep asking “why” all through life if we were not taught to stop asking.  Somewhere along the way, we get the message that it is not okay to ask so many questions.

Too many of us were made to feel guilty if we questioned what we were being taught in church or in Sunday School.  (Perhaps not in this church, but in all too many.)  A lot of that silencing probably came from tired and frustrated teachers who thought they were supposed to have all the answers.  To stand at the front of all those questioning eyes and NOT know the answer can be terrifying.  But it is terrifying only if you believe you are supposed to know.  No human can have all the answers, but somehow too many teachers and leaders feel shame if they don’t have all the answers. 

Let go of certainty. The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.” Tony Schwartz - writer and business productivity leader

Oh the relief when I was taught that I didn’t need to have the answers to all the questions children would ask when I taught them.  Children are not afraid of not knowing; it is adults who are.  Children are okay when a grown-up says, “Huh.  I don’t know!  Maybe we can find out together,” or even better, “I’m not sure. What do you think?” 

It is amazing what you can hear when you ask a child what they think.  It is remarkable how satisfied a child can be with their own answer, even if it sounds a bit eye-brow-raising to us. Children don’t necessarily want an authoritative factual response from adults.  They like to explore the answers for themselves.  And it is okay if they come up with a “wrong” answer because sometimes we grownups are looking at the answer through the “wrong” lens.   With the right lens, the child’s answer would make perfect sense. 

At age four, “Because it wanted to,” is a perfectly sensible answer to, “Why did the ball roll down the plank?”  It isn’t until much later that “the law of gravity” is developmentally more satisfying.  What answers make sense to us will fit with where we are on a spiritual, mental, and emotional continuum, and therefore there is no “right” or “wrong” about having different perspectives. It is okay to allow each other to be somewhere different than we are on the spiritual journey, (even if we are sure they are “wrong.” It isn’t about where they are anyway).  

Fear of asking questions shuts us down from learning; it shuts us down from a bigger world perspective; it shuts us down from practicing walking on our own spiritual feet and becoming spiritual grown-ups.

Carved over the entryway of the temple seen in Swedenborg’s vision was, “Nunc Licet,” or “Now it is permitted.”  (Actually, it would have been written in a spiritual language, but as Swedenborg wrote in Latin, “Nunc Licet” is what the Latin says.) What is permitted? “To enter into the mysteries of faith.” In other words, “It is okay now to ask theological questions;” “You are allowed to explore it all now;” or “You no longer have to be afraid of challenging the things you don’t understand.”

And so it is a foundational teaching in Swedenborgian theology that we don’t have to be afraid of probing into any aspect of faith.  Intelligent questioning and a genuine desire to understand is valued here.  My job as a spiritual leader is to support and advise, to walk beside and encourage, to offer tools and ideas and different perspectives.  My job is not to judge people or tell them how they ought to think or feel. 

Fear judges and controls, while love is curious.

My yoga teacher in Canada taught us to pay attention to our inner self talk during our practice.  Were we judging ourselves for not doing the poses better?  Were we beating ourselves up or feeling frustrated that we hadn’t made more progress from the week before?  Again and again she invited us to be curious about ourselves, not critical.  She invited us to explore and be playful with how we were approaching a pose, especially if it seemed too hard.

This invitation to be curious rather than judging continues to teach me.  When I find myself judging myself (or someone else or something) if I can just bring curiosity to the table too, the inner dialogue transforms.  Instead of thoughts that criticize and condemn I can begin to ask things like, “What is going on underneath this judging?”  “What am I afraid of?” and, “How else might I move through this with more compassion?”  From negative inner attacks it shifts to compassionate problem-solving; from a passive, blaming place it shifts to a creative optimism.

When we can become conscious that we are judging, and instead of judging, become curious, whole new possibilities and solutions open up.  Fear underlies judgment and fear shuts us down while love underlies curiosity and love opens us up.

“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will,” said James Stephens.

“Seek, and you will find,” said Jesus.

“It is okay to ask the questions now,” is apparently carved on a temple in heaven.

May we become like little children and return to fearless curiosity and never stop asking, “Why?”  Amen 

The Readings

Deuteronomy 4:32-40

For ask now about former ages, long before your own, ever since the day that God created human beings on the earth; ask from one end of heaven to the other: has anything so great as this ever happened or has its like ever been heard of? Has any people ever heard the voice of a god speaking out of a fire, as you have heard, and lived? Or has any god ever attempted to go and take a nation for himself from the midst of another nation, by trials, by signs and wonders, by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, and by terrifying displays of power, as the Lord your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes? To you it was shown so that you would acknowledge that the Lord is God; there is no other besides him. From heaven he made you hear his voice to discipline you. On earth he showed you his great fire, while you heard his words coming out of the fire. And because he loved your ancestors, he chose their descendants after them. He brought you out of Egypt with his own presence, by his great power, driving out before you nations greater and mightier than yourselves, to bring you in, giving you their land for a possession, as it is still today. So acknowledge today and take to heart that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other. Keep his statutes and his commandments, which I am commanding you today for your own well-being and that of your descendants after you, so that you may long remain in the land that the Lord your God is giving you for all time.

Matthew 10:22-30

Then came the Festival of Dedication at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was in the temple courts walking in Solomon’s Colonnade.  The Judeans who were there gathered around him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly.”Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father’s name testify about me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep.  My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”