The value of THE TRUTH, or "Was Jesus Married?"

The following is adapted from a recent assignment in seminary. The professor used an actual event from his own life to ask us to examine and put into words our own faith in response to such a situation.

Spiritual Reflection #2

By Alison Longstaff

For TH680 A

October 26th , 2012

The Scenario

     Maria and Susan have been colleagues for 10 years. They know each other very well and often enjoy their conversations while working at the Air Canada Check‐In counter at Pearson International Airport. Maria is from the Philippines and Susan from a small town in southwestern Ontario. They like to talk about current affairs. It is two o’clock in the afternoon when I arrive at their counter to check in for my flight.
       “So where are you headed?” asked Maria.
       “To a conference,” I responded.
       “Oh, that must be interesting. What do you do?” Maria continued.
       “I teach at a theological school,” I said. “It is a theological conference.”

With absolutely no one behind me and no one at Susan’s counter, Maria went on, “Really, that is interesting. We were just talking about Karen King; you know the one that found this old document that said Jesus was married.”
      “Oh yes,” I said, “I read about that in the newspaper.”
       Maria said, “She went running off to the press with all that stuff before she checked it out. Remember the St. James’ Ossuary (Burial Box)? It was a fake in the end. The Vatican sayes this document is a forgery too. I am a lifelong Catholic. I know what I believe, but Susan says ‘What does it matter?’ So you’re a theologian. What do you think?”

Here is my response for the professor, grade TBD.

     The question of whether Jesus was married or not typically threatens a long-held and well-established point of faith for many. It is possible that for one or both of these women the deeper question might be, “If ‘the church’ (the Vatican, the Pope, authorities through the ages, their own trusted ministers, etc) has been wrong about this all these years, what else have they been wrong about?” Looked at this way, my response could threaten the spiritual foundations of anyone still reliant on an official outside authority to define what they should believe (as opposed to their own personal, internalized synthesis of faith). That is, of course, if they didn't dismiss me out of hand, as I am neither a Catholic, nor even a man. The very fact that this original scenario was encountered by a mature, Anglo-Saxon male with a beard already changes the significance of how my response will be weighted by the questioners.

      Nevertheless, this situation calls me to examine how I view my role in relation to such casual yet deeply significant questions. I will likely never see these women again, and it is not my desire in any way to undermine their need to believe what they already believe. My heart desire is to support people in formulating their own faith in intelligent, conscious, and well-informed ways, and not simply to impose my understanding on them. While on the one hand I want to give them a response that invites them to continue to deepen their faith intelligently, on the other hand I do not want to so challenge their faith that they are thrown into crisis.

      Therefore, as I look into the eyes of these women, I must ask myself this: What is the most pastoral response that I can give, knowing that I am seen as a “religious authority figure,” and specifically not wanting my answer to stir up contention between them or precipitate a crisis of faith in the questioners?

Foundations

      My natural teaching style is to lead any student to their own understanding by reflecting a question back to them in a respectful and inviting way. A person’s own attempt to articulate what he or she believes helps them understand and integrate their own beliefs more deeply. I wish to show respect for both Susan and Maria’s faith traditions --- to do no violence to either one’s sacred beliefs while being yet true to my own tradition and formulation.

      Further, I am Swedenborgian and a psych undergrad. For me, spiritual and psychological development is entwined and inseparable. James Fowler’s stages of faith development shapes my pastoral response to these women. Fowler’s findings echo statements in Swedenborg’s own material, written over two-hundred years earlier.[1] If I could know for certain where each woman was in her spiritual journey, I could shape my response accordingly. But I cannot.

         In terms of my own doctrinal integrity in addressing the significance of whether Jesus was married or not, my tradition has two points that speak to this. First is the teaching that Sacred Scripture holds a continuous deep inner meaning. [2] This belief frees me from worrying about any literal accuracy, as the integrity and value lies in the inner meaning, not the letter. What may or may not be historically accurate is a curiousity to me, but in no way threatens the foundations of my faith. Secondly, Swedenborg promotes throughout his theology that marriage is a metaphor for the spiritually evolved or “regenerated” human. Marriage represents the inner union within a person’s psyche of intellect and heart, or true integrity---the intellect is suffused with a deep sense of love and connectedness with the rest of humanity, while the heart is steered toward useful service by the intellect. Jesus being “married” makes absolute sense to me through the lens of this metaphor. On the other hand, it has been in God’s providence so far that we have primarily believed that Jesus was unmarried. I trust God’s leadership and timing, and the detail of Jesus’ marital status is not significant to me.

             Finally, I also believe strongly that what we believe is not as important as how we live. This is also supported in Swedenborg.[3] Looking this way at the effect of my beliefs on my living was brought home to me during a lively debate with friends a few years ago. The question was whether or not hell was eternal. After debating back and forth within this group one dear friend said at last, “All I know is that believing that God gives us as long as we need to get straightened out, instead of us having to get it right in our short time on earth makes me a kinder, gentler human being.”

That one statement revolutionized the way I go about examining my beliefs. When my core value is the Golden Rule, the question, “In what way does this belief affect how I treat my neighbour?” is of more value to me than whether it is the “perfect truth.” Swedenborg would say that any truth that is not softened and informed by love ceases to be true anyway, no matter how accurate it is.[4]

I will leave it there. My response would be pastoral according to what and how these women responded to me. I would invite these women to tell me more about their beliefs, and I would respond further according to the tensions and unmet needs I might sense within their answers. For my part, it isn't about what is “THE TRUTH.” It is about what these two souls need from me to be more peaceful, more fulfilled, and more wisely loving. That is my job in this encounter, and that is all.

---

[1] Swedenborg describes at least four stages of faith or “regeneration” loosely paralleling Fowler’s six stages, in Arcana Coelestia (henceforth cited as AC) §3603:3

[2] This is most succinctly described in Swedenborg’s De Verbo, §1 and following.

[3] Swedenborg promotes “charity” or loving-kindness first.  Kindness without wisdom still comes from the heart, whereas faith not lived in acts of service is seen as dead. AC §7884 and AC §1100

[4] Beliefs not informed by love actually slay loving-kindness as Cain slew Abel. AC §369

 References

Fowler, James W. (1981). Stages of faith : the psychology of human development and the quest for meaning. San Francisco: Harper and Row.

Swedenborg, E. (1983). Arcana Coelestia (J. Elliot Trans.). London, England: Swedenborg Society. (1748).

Swedenborg, E. (1934). De Verbo (J. Chadwick Trans.). London, England: Swedenborg Society. (1762).

A Note About Page Numbers in citations from Swedenborg Text citations from Swedenborg=s material do not refer to page numbers but to passage or paragraph numbers.  This numbering system is used consistently throughout all his editions. Citations may include Name of Publication as Translated, date the translation came to print, name of the translator from the Latin, and the passage number preceded by the symbol §.

Broken Open by Love

I recently returned from a gathering of my peers (fellow liberal Swedenborgian ministers) in beautiful Laport, Indiana.  I was asked to give the talk to the local congregation Wednesday night.  We had been fed and housed by the several generous, quiet, and amazingly kind ladies of this congregation as we listened, discerned, and upheld each other in love. This was the message, from our hearts to the whole congregation. 

Broken Open

Scripture: John 12 20-26

Rev. Alison Longstaff

The Laport New Church, Indiana

http://www.laportenewchurch.org/

Joint worship at the close of “Peer Supervision,” October 24, 2012

John 12:24 “Timeless truth I speak to you: unless a grain of wheat falls and dies in the ground, it remains alone.  But if it dies, it yields a great abundance.”

What do we do in peer supervision?

Do we discuss deep points of doctrine? 

Do we explore the deep underlying existential and theological implications of ministry in modern western global consciousness today?

Nope.

We come for fellowship.

We come to listen and to heal. We come to share in the one community that really gets us.

So what happens in these meetings?  A great deal of heart truth.  What happens in these meetings?  Listening, sharing, empathy, comfort, and support; insight, respect, often tears, sometimes heart-wrenching sobs, and always uproarious laughter.

And this was a point of insight for us --- that without the willingness to go into our depths of sadness and struggle, we would not also be opened to the moments of tremendous light.  Unless we allowed ourselves to be broken open by the love and safety here, we would tend to remain tightly bound in our need to be strong.  Pastors need pastors too. And so here we find that when we let ourselves be supported by each other --- when we let ourselves feel our deepest vulnerability, we rediscover our greatest strength, which is God’s relentless, persistent, unconditional love, experienced through each other.

Like the seed in the scripture falling to the earth, we must surrender.  We would prefer to hold on to “life.”  To feel strong and competent and capable.  It is much harder to look openly at our fears and insecurities.  It is much easier to be strong.  Who likes feeling vulnerable?  Yet through our descent into the dark earth of vulnerability, God cracks us open, and THEN the sacred and creative and the beautiful burst into life. 

It is a universal truth of the human condition: that deep in the heart of each soul is the terror of not being good enough.  Deep in each psyche lies the fear of being innately unlovable.  This is commonly called shame, and every mistake we have ever made piggybacks on this shame and seeks to convince you and you and me that we are somehow truly unlovable, and that some day, someone will figure this out and the game will be up.  We will be rejected, “as we deserve.”

But guess what?  There are no throw-away people. 

None. 

Every single one of us is the absolutely perfect, bright, and innocent soul that we were at the moment of our birth.  Nothing has changed, except that we have come to believe that we might somehow have lost our right to have love and human tenderness and connection, because our culture tells us so.

So let’s just admit it right now.  We all have warts.  We are all afraid of being just too broken to love.  And we are all completely beautiful and full of light!  And only through our vulnerability and heart-honesty, do we experience God’s presence among us, in compassion, gentleness, healing tears, and then deep belly-aching laughter. 

If we isolate and try to maintain the illusion of strength, we remain alone.  But when we allow ourselves to die, and to let our pride go, we are open to finding true intimacy and the abundant life of true heart-relationship --- which is the kingdom of heaven.

We came to these meetings holding it together.  

We leave whole and together. 

We came needing healing.  

We leave with such gratitude for this congregation’s quiet, amazing support and hospitality.  

Thank you for your light and love.  

http://www.memorise.org/brain-articles/laughter-affects-brain-00734.html

Holidays After Trauma

First let me say that trauma is a continuum.  Part of me doesn't feel legitimate naming myself as someone recovering from trauma, but enough friends and therapists have independently named me so, that I am accepting that.

Today is the Sunday of Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.  In the past I would have been planning or deep in the middle of cooking a big family dinner, complete with gorgeous autumn decorations and turkey.  I would have enjoyed finding as many chairs as possible and getting creative with table arranging so everyone had a place.  The older I get, the more this sort of ritual is meaningful to me it seems, and the more precious my family is to me.

My "broken" family.

Today I slept in and awoke with a headache (no, not an "Oktoberfest headache," the regular kind) and perimenopausal hot flashes, and discouragement.  I thought I would be content this weekend because my girls all have their partners' family meals to go to, and my son seems just content to be home and spending time with me, and later his dad.  I have plenty to keep me busy, including a backlog of graduate school reading, cleaning, and ironing.

Duh.  I'm still a classic codependent, eh?  "So long as everyone else is happy, I am happy."  I didn't have a sweet clue as to what *I* actually wanted or needed.  It didn't even occur to me that I might not be okay.

So, today I am inordinately sad (who gets to say what "ordinately" sad is?) that I am not doing a traditional  meal with my kids, going on a walk in the autumn colours, and generally enjoying my family.  Today looks like it will be a day of releasing more pent up sadness and loss and grief.

Yay.

It's okay.  There is no statue of limitations on grief, no matter how much our culture (including me!) is uncomfortable with prolonged sadness.  If "just being with and accepting" the sadness is what needs to happen today, so be it.
God knows, I am not alone.
 
It's NORMAL to feel more deeply during holidays.  It is NORMAL for the contrast between what is and "what should have been" to ache most intensely right now.

So I will cry some, write some, pray some, and be very gentle with myself today, and this too, shall pass.

In solidarity with everyone for whom holidays, for now, seem to be more painful than joyful:
You are not wrong.
You are not alone.
You can make it through.

Alison

Cultural shaming around feeling

In my experience, healing from psychological trauma and childhood abuse includes re-experiencing the feelings associated with those traumas. Very often, key appropriate responses to such abuse is anger, grief, and tremendous vulnerability. How challenging it is then, in a culture that shames us simply for feeling these things or for feeling them "too long."  When we combine that with our own aversion to feeling these things, I believe it is heroic indeed that we can allow ourselves to feel them anyway, with compassion, patience, trust, and faith in the process.

There is a way out.  There is a way through.
Go gently with yourself today.

Rev. Alison