AliSam's 2016

Dearest friends and family and random wanderers-by,       Dec 2016

(If you want some beautiful music playing in the background while you read, click this link for Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson's) Winter Song

It was the worst of years; it was the best of years. 

It started with seven months of unemployment.

It cleared the way for whole new beginnings.

It was the year we got trumped.

It was the year of ALISAM.

In January 2016 Sam Moore came to Canada and presented me with a “pirate ring” which was a ring his mother had custom made to include several heirloom gems.  It is a hefty ring, so I wear it on a chain around my neck. (And since the election, I have been wondering if I need to go throw it in a volcano somewhere.  I hope not.  I am kinda attached to it.  It is precious to me.) (And I said, "Yes!")

Then on June 1st, after Sam’s roommate had moved out, Sam helped me move into Sam’s already full 5th floor walk-up in Chelsea, Manhattan. I had to release 90% of my worldly goods to do so - a chore that was more difficult than I expected.  And I am even a trained clutter-clearer!

In July I got hired at Starbucks, and began a whole new learning curve about the food service industry, and low-paying, hourly rate work.  I enjoy the job most of the time, loving the hospitality and human interactions and crafting truly pretty drinks.  I enjoy the friends who drop by, and occasionally meeting a patient and kind celebrity who lets me get a picture. (This is Zachary Quinto, who plays Spock in the New Star Trek series.)

I don’t enjoy the workplace politics (does anyone?) or the difficulty in getting enough hours, but it is a JOB.  It helps me pay the rent while I look for something better suited to my training and skills.

And on October 1st, Sam and I became husband and wife! Pictures are still pending, but my brother, Gordon, captured a simple video of the ceremony HERE (ceremony), and took several pictures HERE (photos).  My son, Jordan, performed Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest” as our recessional which was also the song that was playing when Sam proposed.  It was a happy day, in an amazing setting (decorated by Liz Kufs), and followed by a packed reception at the home of dear friends Paul and Beryl Simonetti.  Flying pigs was a main theme because of the odds of Sam and I finding each other again after all these years.

I chose to wear a sari, because I wanted something beautiful, feminine, and inexpensive.  I loved the colours and sparkliness of the fabric, but mostly I love the man I married!

Life is not perfect, but it is full of hope and joy and love.  Like many couples in North America, Sam and I have debts that need paying down. I am struggling to find a living wage, and still hope to work in my areas of expertise again. I remain a passionate pastor without a church.  I remain a writer who is blocked, pursuing ways to get past the block. 

How do I say what my heart truly wants to say?  I miss the young faith I had in my twenties with all its shiny simplicity.  I miss many trappings of my childhood faith---all the artistry and music. I miss having a true spiritual home. Where do I find the art and beauty and deep thought of my childhood faith MARRIED TO the broadness of thought and inclusivity of spirit that feels like spiritual home to me?  

I will keep searching.  Maybe one day, I will find it, or help build it.  I only know I can't do it alone.

  

The Christian Cross symbolizes a faith that is both broad and deep. It symbolizes the intersecting of the Divine with creation.  The center of the cross represents the very point of intersection---that place and that moment when the Divine enters our mortal reality.  It happens at different times for each of us, and in different ways.  The birth of Jesus is the great metaphor for this incarnation---a profound awakening in our hearts and minds which transforms our way of being in the world and in relationship.

It certainly takes a lot of work for the Divine Love and Life to find a home and a place of rest in our limited, blinded, and crippled mortality.  It can feel like the process is excruciatingly difficult sometimes.  It can seem as though the darkness will indeed extinguish all the tender goodness that seeks to live in the world.  But a handful of shepherds and a peasant girl can do what armies could not.  That means you and I, with our handful of small gifts and simple willingness to focus on compassion and courage and love are all that is needed to hold the space for the birth.  It happens at the darkest times when there is no room at all in humankind.

Doing our personal spiritual work is the ONLY way to bring heaven on earth.  So I plod on through times of spiritual drought and keep believing that times of bounty will come again.  I push back again and again when the cruelty and injustice seek to tell me that there is no point in trying to make a home for goodness.  Despite it all I have set up my manger---a space for creativity and rest and meditation; and I await the arrival of the new light and new calling.

I also await the arrival of a new family member!  Daughter Eden is expecting in mid-January.  I hope to be present for the birth, or at least around to help out when the little one is new!  

Sam and I are happy to be together.  I feel newly grateful every day.  We are blessed in each other, in our families, and in our friends.

Wishing you light in this time of darkness; warmth in this time of cold; and safe havens in this time of chaos.

All our love, 
Alison and Sam

Teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts to Muggles, Part One

My talk for the Harry Potter Conference in Chestnut Hill, October 2015 Part One

I gave this talk several years ago and then moved to another country. (Those two things were not connected.) Consequently, I have yet to finish transcribing my notes into an understandable written text.

You are sitting in a small classroom on an upper floor of St Joseph Hall at Chestnut Hill College. You have ducked in just now to grab a seat in the high-ceilinged old-school classroom.  You set your bag on the sill of the soaring, arched window that looks out on the green walks and trees of the grounds.

In sweeps a woman in a witch's hat and swirling black robe.  She plunks a stack of books down, whips out a wand and smacks the lectern, booming, "Wands away!"  

"Class, open your copy of 'Defence Against the Dark Arts for Muggles' and turn to Chapter One!"

"Let me introduce myself. I am Professor Alison Longstaff, and I have been invited here to teach you Defence Against the Dark for Muggles in accordance with the new era of cooperation between the magical and non-magical populations."

"I am also known as Alison Smith Longstaff, raised not 20 minutes from here in Huntingdon Valley, PA.  I have lived most of my adult life in Ontario, Canada, though for the past two years I have been the pastor of a small church in Bath, Maine. 

"I am an ordained Swedenborgian minister— a minute and obscure Christian denomination, which, although incredibly small, has split three times (at least) on this continent.

"I am also a trained therapist, a mother, a writer, and a published author.

"I care about this topic as a therapist and as a pastor and as a human being who has had to face the darkness."

"I know what it feels like to be marginalized, because I have been bullied, because I am a woman and because I felt called to ministry in a sect that says women are not capable of being ministers."

"If I were a character in the Harry Potter world, I would be somewhere between Luna Lovegood and Tonks, with a little bit of Dumbledore thrown in for good measure.  I am also Harry, as we all are.

And now for today's lesson.

The Dark Arts are REAL.  If you have ever suffered, you know the darkness is very real. It can often feel far more powerful than we can withstand.

There are many parallels between the "dark arts" in Rowling's world and the mental and emotional anguish we experience in regular life. Whether we are dealing with anxiety or depression, bullying or blocks, childhood traumas or low self-esteem, the tools for battling the darkness in the Harry Potter universe map beautifully onto the many skills and tools available to "muggles" in the non-magical world.

Muggles absolutely can learn skills, which work like magic, in battling the dark energies that attack us in our personal lives.

Let's take a look: 

Coming to us straight from Harry Potter's life and experience is the number one rule to remember:

#1 Fear and despair make the attacks worse. LOVE and BELONGING beat the darkness back.

Try to remember that you are never alone.  There is always a Dobby or Hermione or a shard of mirror connected to a presence ready to help you, even when it seems like your usual resources have fled or turned their backs.  Ask for help, and don't stop asking until you get it.  Remember that you are worthy of love and belonging ALWAYS.  ALWAYS.  Be your own ally FIRST.  Harry struggled more when he forgot to get help from his friends.  Voldemort was defeated only by the uniting of many against him.  We need each other.  There is nothing weak in asking for the help of friends.

#2 WORDS HAVE POWER

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” Albus Dumbledore, in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

We put "spells" on ourselves and each other through the words we use. 

For more on this see: https://breadbin.blogspot.com/2018/08/do-you-believe-in-magic-part-1.html?m=1&fbclid=IwAR20h5oXtu5Sev2-xfS2I77KnuxpZMR2M4jOAspngRnwCDOjkZw55L9dlHo

The power of words, point 1: Swear words

Swear words are words that our culture has decided have extra power.  We are trained from a very young age to know what words we can say and what we are not allowed to say.  We have been trained to be upset by certain words. But this is culture or fashion.  The words themselves have only the power we have been taught that they have.

  

If someone swore at you in a foreign language you would have no idea what they were saying. The words would have no power because they would have no meaning attached to them. The sounds themselves hold no power.  And if meaning can be attached to a series of sounds, it can be unattached.  Swear words only upset us because we have been programmed to be upset.  Even English speaking countries don't agree on what a swear word is. For example, "bugger" carries little energy in North America, but you don't want say it loudly or often in England, South Africa, or Australia.

What wisdom can we draw from this realization? 

We can reclaim a lot of power by working with the meaning we attach to words. Like all magic, it takes practice to get good at having power over the words others use against us.  Just keep remembering that it is possible to develop the power, with practice, to turn the power of words to our side.  "Names can never hurt us" if we practice having power over the words that get thrown at us.

Do I call myself names? Rather, is there an internalized Snape always mocking and finding fault inside my mind?  How would I feel if someone was saying the sort of unkind things I think about myself to someone I love and cherish?  If I would never treat a dear friend to those words and thoughts, why do I allow them voice in my own heart and mind? Once I decide I want to speak more compassionately to myself, I can begin to do so.  Our inner thoughts have more power than we realize, and it is possible to unplug the negative "feed" and plug into a more positive inner dialogue, which increases our power for good in the world as well. 

The power of words, point 2: Pep talks and self-talk

The words we tell ourselves, and especially the words we believe deep inside (often unconsciously) affect us profoundly.  When we understand that, we can begin to pay attention to the "spells" we cast on ourselves and on others. And once we begin to pay attention, we can begin to "practice casting good spells" --- the spells we truly want in our lives.

Luna Lovegood was steadily under a barrage of name-calling, exclusion, and contempt.  How powerful was her magic that she never let this eat away at her peace of mind?  The group conversation had no power over her.  She had a deep magic that way.  What does it take to shift negative inner paradigms and heal them?  It is all in the story we tell ourselves.

Luna never saw herself as a victim.  She never gave away her power to the group by needing their approval.  Her inner self-talk and inner paradigm were stronger than the voices around her.  She knew she was loved.  She knew she would be okay.  And she believed what she believed despite raised eyebrows, contempt, and mockery.

Any good sports coach readies a team for a game by means of a "pep talk." The sole purpose of the pep-talk is to change the inner narrative of the players---to wipe away fear and distraction, and bring all the focus and intention on playing their best. A truly great pep-talk can give an "average" team the inspiration to triumph over their toughest adversary.

Do you want to use the words you put into the world to inspire and encourage, uplift and empower?  Or do you want to undermine and discourage?  Nobody who has achieved seemingly impossible things allowed beliefs like, "I can't," or  "It is impossible," to have power over them.

Every negative story we believe: "I am stupid," "No one likes me," "I am incompetent," "Others are out to get me,"  "I can't ever achieve my dreams," "I am a failure," "_Fill in the blank_", limits what we can do in life and how much of a gift we can be in the world.  That doesn't make us wrong, it makes us human.  It means we have a lot of practicing to do to get auror-strong at defending against the darkness.  You got this!

The power of words, point 3: Rhetoric, spin, and political speech-writers

There is a lot of wisdom in how to use the power of words in what speech-writers study---the power of rhetoric.  When we can spot the tools another is using to persuade us or change our thinking, we can deflect and parry their arguments.  We can choose whether we want to be persuaded rather than be swept along by the power of their created aura.

It is far more powerful to listen to an argument and be able to say, "That is a false either/or dichotomy," than simply feel frustrated by a statement such as, "Do you want freedom or do you want the country to be overrun by Mexicans!?"  

When one spots the weakness in the narrative, one no longer needs to be pulled into a waste-of-time argument.

We can find tremendous power and freedom in learning the bait-and-switch tools workers-with-words use to waste our time and distract us from more important issues.

All aurors must do advanced studies in rhetoric---particularly in parrying logical fallacies. If you want more power over the words used against you, begin to study, and keep on studying LogicalFallacies.

Part two of this talk is coming soon.  Until then, practice wisely!

Professor Alison Longstaff

Read Part two Here: https://alisonlongstaffmoore.blogspot.com/2019/10/teaching-defence-against-dark-arts-to.html

The Union of Effort and Ease

The Union of Effort and Ease

For the past several months I have been job hunting.

Job hunting in New York City as a 54-year-old woman has been a lesson in powerlessness.

My first full day in New York I had an interview that went very well, and by the evening I was offered the job!  I brushed my hands together and thought, "Lucky me!  Mission accomplished! Where is that Staples Easy button?"

However, three weeks later I still had no communication from that employer, and after pursuit I found out that I wasn't hired after all, because that manager "had been told she wasn't allowed to hire anyone."  (I'm not sure what was going on there.  Weird.)

Fortunately I had continued sending out resumes, and did get other interviews, but nothing has resulted in a job.

So I got proactive, and started introducing myself to all the managers of the local Starbucks.  I learned their names and let them know I was wanting to work for them and to look for my name in the bank of resumes on the Starbucks hiring site.  This seemed to be greeted with enthusiasm and curiosity, which gave me hope.  I made sure my resume was fully updated and refreshed.

But ultimately, I was powerless.  Once I had done everything I could reasonably do, the rest had to be surrendered to the whims of chance.  This was made especially clear to me when, upon checking back in, the various managers all told me that my profile was "locked."  Apparently the original manager (that said I was hired my second day in the city) not only didn't have a job for me, she hadn't released my profile back into the Starbucks hiring pool.  She had made it impossible for any other Starbucks to hire me either!

I experienced a profound sense of helplessness when I heard that news---I was thrown into a profound narrative of victimization. "No matter what I do, the universe is against me.  I can do everything right and still experience no success.  Ultimately, I am powerless and helpless."

That is a terrible place to visit.

This tension between powerful and powerless is a deep and longstanding one in the human condition.  The twelve steps answers this tension by asking us to embrace our powerlessness.  It calls us into acceptance of all that we cannot control in life.  We are to tackle the things we can, but then let go of all that is beyond our control.  Ultimately, we are far less powerful than we would like to think, and acceptance of this fact can bring us tremendous peace.  It brings a sense of proportion to life and opens up a lot of forgiveness of ourselves and others.

It is the paradox embodied in yoga.  It is the paradox of life---to seek the union of things that seem diametrically opposed---strength and relaxation, taking action and surrendering, effort and ease.

Embracing my powerlessness actually gives me more genuine agency. Settling down to do what I can do and releasing all that is beyond me gives me much more peace of mind.

And so I realize that I am doing all I can.  I have focussed on three specific workplaces and done my research.  I have courted the managers, and honestly, I have been "hired" twice at one of my best choices, Starbucks. But I have yet to work a day, due to circumstances beyond my control.  Ugh.

I have done my part and am now utterly dependent on others, on technology, and on the whims of fate.  Acceptance of that and release of the outcomes is what brings peace.

If I am honest, life is pretty good. I have somewhere to live.  I have loving friends and family.  I have an education, enough to eat, and self-respect. That is more than a huge percentage of humans on this planet have. And I have the promise of a job, though every day of living without an income just sees the debt mounting.

Effort and ease.  Active and passive.  Do my part and let go of other people's part; which includes being at the mercy of those who are as human and flawed as I am.

Breathe and release.  No matter what comes my way, let it in and let it go again.

This is no easy spiritual "yoga pose"!  It is taking all I can do to stay present and keep breathing.  I want to be anywhere but here in this uncertainty and vulnerability.

Contentment lies just a few breaths away if I can just let it in.  Have I done all I can in this moment? Then I can let the struggle go.  Genuine contentment makes me more powerful.  Can I embrace that?  (I can, but will I?  Can I choose contentment in this moment?)

I will get back to you on that.

Spoons

The "Spoons" Metaphor or "Spoon Theory"

Recently, a darling young woman-friend said to me, "I can't.  I don't have enough spoons."  (She lives with depression.)

At my puzzled look she told me with delight about the helpful "meme" that is spreading through the collective conversation.  It all began with Christine Miserandino's attempt to explain to a friend what it is like to live with invisible illness---about the tough decisions one has to make every day with one's limited energy.

The concreteness of the spoon imagery has managed to effectively illustrate what invisibly ill people have been saying for years:  Those who live with illness have far fewer resources than the healthy.

Being judged for low functioning or being guilted into more activity is NOT helpful.  Even still I struggle to remember that I often have fewer spoons in a day than regular people do.  I don't need outside help in feeling like I am not doing enough or producing enough.  I manage to feel shitty all by myself. (It is part of being depressed).  Patience and compassion are needed, not more shaming and shoulds,

When I think in terms of my "spoons," however, I tend to get practical and pragmatic, rather than getting bogged down in shame.  I am hearing the metaphor of the spoons increasingly in the conversations around me now too, which makes my heart glad for all the other good people I know who live with invisible illness. (Illnesses such as lupus, multiple sclerosis, depression, anxiety disorder, and a so many more.)

It is too easy to judge others, and too frequently unjust.  The simple act of trying to explain or defend oneself  from others' judgments and "advice" and attempts to "fix" takes even more spoons from an already meager supply.

The world already is overly short on compassion and respect.  How about we hand around more of that and less of suspicion and judgment and ill-informed assumptions?

Let's start handing out free spoons.  A kind word; a smile; a helping hand; an anonymous act of kindness: these are the things that help everyone.  It is so much easier to give a spoon than take one.  Why are we so quick to assume that someone who is short on spoons deserves to be so?

Please, take excellent care of yourself if you are short on spoons!  Please accept help with grace, not shame!  And many thanks to all those blessed enough to have spoons to share, who share them.

"Love one another as I have loved you."

Find the original spoon theory story by Christine Miserandino here.

Pushing the Stream or Riding the Wave

Push? or Rest? When to do which?

Feb 12, 2016

As I sit here in my warm-enough space on this coldest of February days, I am reflecting on today's fatigue and discouragement.

A motivational post this morning encouraged me to "pull up my socks" and "get on with it" if I was discouraged; yet I know, deep in my heart, that that is not the answer for me today.

Once again I am in waiting mode.  The bitter cold outside emphasizes the "full-stop" feeling inside me.

I battle this energy a lot, and wonder what it has to teach me that I have not yet learned.  The messages around me---the predominant message of this culture---is "Push! Push! Push!" "Try! Try! Try!" "If nothing is happening, try HARDER!"

"Push! Push! Push!" "Try! Try! Try!" "If nothing is happening, try HARDER!" 

Those messages live deep in my own soul. I have never been keen on waiting for much of anything.  "Push!"  "Try!"  "Do!"

And yet the very energy of life is saying to me today, "Rest.  Renew.  It isn't time for pushing yet."

Why is that so hard to trust?

I have spent many lifetimes trying to "push" the stream of life. It has never been successful.  Instead, life seems to involve working with the waves and rhythms of life well, and harnessing them, not telling life how it should flow or trying to make it be different.

Again and again, I must learn the ways I am powerless in life.  I must learn to work with what I am given---seasonally, situationally, physically, and rhythmically. I must learn when to move and when to wait and rest---according to my instincts and the situation.

There is no point planting crops in the dead of winter.  There is no point trying to surf on a calm sea.  And there is no point trying to run a marathon (or even walk a mile) when one has just broken one's legs in a skiing accident.

Take it from the queen of pushing.  Sometimes NOT pushing is the better thing.

My personality is much happier doing than not doing, so pushing comes much easier than resisting the urge, and in this lies a metaphor for me and others like me.  The nurses had to teach me NOT to push  during one of my labors, even though I felt the urge.  Pushing at that time could have inflamed the cervix because I wasn't fully dilated, slowing or even preventing the birth.  Instead the nurses helped me breathe and resist the the urge to push until conditions were ready.

Until conditions were ready. 

Waiting for hospitable conditions does make a lot of sense.  When the conditions are good, all we need to do is ride the wave, harness the wind, or follow the urge to push.

The space in between resting and "riding the wave" does include a certain pushing that is good for us.  Taking a step towards one's goals might be exactly what is needed for you today.  Only you can know what is right for you.  There is an important practice that includes showing up for the work even if the conditions aren't perfect.  Writers must write, even when they aren't "feeling it."  All activities have their less than exciting stages---the "meh" surfing days, so to speak.  Logging those mediocre hours does get us to our goal, so long as we are not ignoring our need for rest.

If conditions are adequate, you have the option to paddle and row, or rest and renew.  It takes experience and wisdom to know which is better for you.

Then when ALL conditions are perfect, we simply ride the energy and it all comes easily.  Oh, to feel that way again!  It has been a LONG wait.

Until then, it is okay to rest.  REST is even strongly recommended in several bodies of spiritual teaching.  The resting pose in yoga is considered one of the most important and most overlooked.

I cannot push the stream of life.  I cannot make progress by blowing on my sail.  I cannot force Spring to come sooner by plowing the frozen ground and trying to plant seeds in it.

In fact, I cannot "mind-over-matter" or "sheer force of will" most of life's circumstances, no matter how much I wish I could.

"Push" except when it isn't right to push.  "Rest" except when it isn't helpful to rest.  Ride the joy every chance you get, but don't blame yourself if the joy seems to avoid you.  It may not be your fault.

Whatever your choices today, may you find self-understanding and compassion. May you become adept at learning the responses that help you progress toward your dreams, even if it is not-doing, or resting.

Today, I am breathing.  Today I am noticing how much I wish I was anywhere else than here (exhausted from over-doing, and anxious to "get it all done").  Today I am resting and waiting for the energetic Spring to come back, for the waves to pick me up and carry me, and for the wind to fill my sails once more.

Namaste,
Alison

Condensing a Life Into One Room

Condensing a Life Into One Room

Dec 13, 2015

I have been a stay-at-home mother of three, a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, a singer, choir director, guitar player, a published author, an avid sewer, a professional organizer, a seminary student, graduate student, pastor, and office manager.  I have lived in a four bedroom house, a townhouse, a mansion heated by an external wood-burning stove, and an apartment. 

As my marriage ended I shed many things.  As my kids grew up and moved out, I shed many more things.  I am now needing to find a way to live in one bedroom with access to half a storage locker. 54 years of life and resources must condense down until it fits into these two spaces.

I am culling files and recycling reams of paper.  Music projects, memories, records, receipts kept in case of an audit; sewing supplies, former drafts of writing projects, dishes, kitchen appliances, and all sorts of decorations from a home full of walls and shelves.  I have art with no place to hang it, sculptures with no display shelf available, and more books than you could possibly fit on one moderate shelf.

It is a terrible discipline, and yet feels freeing too.  It is just stuff.  Yet it is hard---very hard to let some of it go.

I realize as I do this the plight of so many refugees who have nothing of their original lives to carry forward, and of the victims of natural disasters who lose everything to a flood or fire or quake,

and I am appreciating the time to say goodbye and the good fortune of being able to hold on to my most cherished pieces.  I am grateful for family and friends and a safe place to live.

I will have access to a living room, bright kitchen, and spacious bathroom.  I am in a lovely neighbourhood.  But I may need to learn to live without a car.  

The new love of my life has lived mostly in one room in extra expensive NY City for all these past years.  He shares a kitchen and bathroom.  He has had no need of a car for over twenty years.  If he can do it, I can do it too.

I believe in small and simple living and living more environmentally.

Actually pruning my life down so as to be able to do this, however, is turning out to be quite the discipline!

Thoughts? Comments?  Suggestions?  Prayers?